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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Hi Quill! Really excited to jump into your work these things that have no measure in honor of Review Month!
Time is but the flirtation with death
Wow, what a title! This instantly introduces what the poem is about and what emotion is going to be presented throughout. The contrast between the words "flirtation" and "death" set the poem up to be filled with that same contrast of something beautiful and something dark, which is what this poem achieves.
Lines within the poem that create this dichotomy are
The diction in this poem really gives a sense of back and forth, of fighting and conflict. It's filled with action, action that is written externally but is actually action that happens internally within the narrator. Time becomes a character in this poem. This line almost acts like a turning point in the poem. So far, the readers are witnessing a fight, but then it becomes revealed that this has become a fragment of the narrator's mind, that they have made time the villain, when in actuality, they aren't. This makes the narrator an unreliable narrator but further emphasizes that conflict, fear, and pain in this poem.
The fools in the sunset
While these poems are coupled together, this poem is very unique and independent from the first one.
The first 9 lines sets the poem up with 2 characters: narrator and subject. They both are struggling with the concept of time, as presented through these lines
Then, in line 10, there's a shift. There begins to have a separation between these two characters. One is presented as more free, not tied to the boulder of time or the fears associated with it. While the narrator begins to express a feeling of being trapped by time. Time now being an image of a lake - something beautiful, yet deadly (which ties into that first poem!).
Throughout this poem, there is that underlining question of "Who?" Who is the narrator, and who is the other "character" mentioned? The ending of lines 18-20 brings it all together. This line brings the poem together. The narrator expresses themselves as the one growing old, while the one they envy is already in the lake. This create an eerie feeling that death is freeing, and that the narrator feels all these confusing emotions because they know time will come to an end. However, the tone of this is much more mystical and lighthearted, as with the language and the image of the lake. This poem can also be read as more lighthearted as it has a message of hope and of enjoying the present and appreciating the time they do have. This makes the order of the poems important and effective because the first one is a gruesome fight within the narrator and time, while this one sounds as if the narrator is finding a sort of peace with time despite the fear.
Both poems have a sense of inconsistency of rhyme and line length, but I think it really fits with the aspect of these poems. Both pieces deal with time, and the running out of time. Realistically, there is no time to worry about rhyme or perfect structure. Additionally, each line break still feels intentional and makes the poem feel authentic. These poems read like an overflow of thoughts that cannot be detained as time acts as the antagonist to these poems. I also believe that it gives your work a personal style, and really feels like when you write, it is an outpour of expression that is really beautiful and personal.
I love the coupling of these pieces and I hope you continue to post more of your wonderful poetry!!! I'm so glad I was able to read and review them. God bless
Thanks for reading! I always love your reviews because you give words to the feelings i am trying to convey in my writing. Your words bring to life the ideas in the poem. It's really cool to read and it helps me see if my message is coming across well. Thanks for your review!
Hi! It’s CATS here to leave a relatively short review, so let’s dive in! Honestly this sounded very engaging.
I love the rhyming in the first three lines, and I admire people who can make it smooth as well! This might be my favourite part, let’s read on!
Oh...the rhyming isn’t consistent but maybe it’s just like that? I mean, I would prefer for it to be aaabbbaaa the entire poem but it’s just another opinion of mine!
I love the shifting perspectives between death and time! It gives a detailed sense. The ending on this part is very descriptive and shows how the narrator dies. Great work!
I am loving it so far.
Ooo nice title!
The image paints clearly in the readers mind and it’s stunningly emotional and beautiful. It really touches me with the narrators word choice and it’s actually so full of feelings.
Overall I really loved both poems and thee second one is my favourite!
Happy EVERYTHING!!
Love
CATS
Thank you for reading! Honestly I am just not one for rhyme scheme. I am just free verse for life that's the way I best express myself. I do often end up rhyming a little because I do focus on meter and how the poem sounds.
Thanks for your feedback!
Thank u for clarifying!!!! It actually sounds so nice! Keep going!
Hey Quillfeather! This is Alex, here to drop a review. I've never read a piece by you before so I'm super excited! Let's dive right in.
I like the idea of two poems being published together! Distinct enough to make them different but similiar enough to be kept beside each other- truly fascinating!
Time is but the flirtation with death
That's such a grand metaphor! It has a poetic aura to it. Almost like a blend of imagery and personification of an abstract concept- very difficult to achieve I'm sure.
The shifting narrative is so intriguing! I can imagine time as a curve and you depict that in such varied ways- be it the curling vines or a thing that chokes the neck. The last line, in particular, is so pulling. It seems to imply the universal looming of death- how the time suffocates us when we are to die. A wonderful symbolism!
The pronouns confused me a bit here. I just noticed they're not consistent with the previous lines as well. Was it deliberate to suggest time is a mere concept with no concrete gender? That would also justify the dynamic image of time that you're trying to paint.
I instantly envisioned a sand clock. Is that what you were going for? Subtle but neat.
The contrast is quite striking! I think you're trying to describe the shifting tide of time- how it may favour you one second and destroy you the next.
The repetition makes quite an impact. It feels nearly rhythmic.
Oh the irony!
Overall, this was a really meaningful poetry. It paints the image of time as a villian that's always flowing and moving. Time is loyal to none and this poem captured that really well. It's has a curved existence and bears the role of messenger for goodbyes. It has a hot and cold relationship with the narrator as it embraces her one second and bleeds them out and chokes them the next. As for improvement, I do think the capitalisation could use a little work. Of course the pronouns would be easier to understand if singular but I understand it that was a creative choice. Other than all that, wonderful work!
The fools in the sunset
After reading the poem, I think 'Two' instead of 'The' fits better here but just a personal opinion! It paints a nice scene through it, still.
Such well written lines! I think it depicts the human tendency perfectly- we don't enjoy the present in the worry of future and regret of past. Oh, such a great mistake!
The 'we' in the last line needs to be in lowercase as the sentence is continuous. I'm really curious as to what the narrator means by 'freedom' here and his they and the companion are so so different. Is the narrator a woman and the person beside her a man? Perhaps she refers to the rights of a woman here. I do believe the idea of feminism in a poem about time is a bit far fetched though.
Nothing objectively wrong here. But personally, I think 'two' fits better. Again, it's completely your call to make!
Whoa! I didn't see that coming, such a great revelation. It's really befitting for a grand closing. So the the reflection is free in being abstract, while the narrator is confined in an aging existence- how very philosophical indeed.
In a nutshell, this was a magnificent poem! The suspense was so skillfully concealed till the last line, I truly didn't anticipate it. It has an undeniable depth to it. I don't have any suggestions other than the minor ones I already mentioned. Everything else looks impeccable.
Such great work! They made for some amazing reads, it has been s pleasure to review them. Hope I get to read more from you soon!
Thank you so much for the review! I think you provided a lot of insights into the poem and I really enjoyed hearing your interpretations. Thank you for pointing out those things I can work on with the capitalization and whatnot. Thank you for reading!