As a kid I'd wish to end up in the hospital
So everyone would bring me flowers
Ask how I was doing, and believe me when I said it wasn't doing well
Now that I'm older I wonder if I end up in the hospital
If anyone would even notice at all
And if they did would they scoff when I said it hurt
When I was a kid I would cry when I scraped my knees
Sit on the sidewalk marked by chalk drawings and wait for someone to kiss the pain away
Now my legs are broken but I dance on the stage for you,
Though no one can see, the spotlight is on you
When I was a kid I would lay on the grass and count the stars
Now I lay on the bathroom floor and count the reasons I need to stay alive
Always called the good kid, pure in heart, laughter ringing through air
You couldn't see it was to hid the tears, and all my failures, keep the scars hidden
When I was a kid, no still now
I wonder what love means
Will my tears dry long enough to ever learn the answer?
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140,071 Literary Works • 672,990 Reviews
Ouch. ;_;
I'm getting much, much better, but this reminded me of some of the ways I used to feel. I had a really bad 2 year long depressive episode that I was finally able to get out of this past summer. But I remember genuinely wishing something bad would happen to me and I'd end up in the hospital, just to see if anyone would care, going over the reasons to stay alive in my head, constantly pretending to be okay around around adults and people I didn't want to know...
It sounds very cliche but this really did pluck some of my heartstrings.
[meant to post this as a review oops]
I'm so sorry to hear that you went through that<3 though I know nothing of your experience I know from my experience that none of it is easy. I'm so glad to hear you're doing better now and I hope for much healing for you for the future<333
How beautiful
Reading this reminded me about the fact that I’m growing older and i need to care for myself because less and less people will start to care about you as you become a functioning adult (thanks for the existential crisis)
The facade that you start to put on as you grow up, realizing not everything is sunshine and rainbows becomes harder to realize it’s even there, and this quote illustrates it so merrily, for some reason reminding me of a puppet tied to the shackles of strings.
Anyways, really nice poem! Wow i need go go to the bathroom to… uh… not cry because im not doing that..
Have a wonderful day and don’t starve! (You’re the mom here but you sometimes do forget so imma remind you here)
Thank you! I like your interpretations here
Noo my son don't cry! Actually nevermind it's okay to cry let it all out (I will try to remember if you also try to remember)
I think the line breaks really add to the narrative's sad, sort of dejected tone. It really encompasses a neglected child slowly transitioning towards a depressed teen in the form of dramatic poetry. The comparisons of the child state of naive happiness and the teenage state of desperation while reflecting back on that childlike state of the past is striking and an excellent use of repetition in the beginning of the line "when I was a kid".
It faintly reminds me of Anonymous from Scott Westerfelds' "Zeroes" and a lot of my OCs.
I love your interpretations thank you! I will have to look up that and read it!
this is a really emotional piece that probably means a lot to you as it shows very well and in general its really good, its feels like its from both the perspective of a kid and an adult (idk if that was intentional or its just me) there are some minor mistakes in the last 4 lines. you should just work on your use of punctuation as it can be a bit confusing for some readers. This is definitely a relatable work to many people and I really like the way it starts from the prespective of a kid then proceeds to more adult themes as it goes on. In conclusion its a really good freestyled-poem just some minor mistakes with punctuation. (ps. Im not a very experienced writer so there probably is stuff Ive missed)
Thank you! And it's okay we all have much to learn about writing and the only way to get there is to keep writing and review and reading. Can't wait to see your future works!