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Smoke

by Pom


Smoke


The fall of this nation, is covered in smoke,
Who are you, to evoke?
Decisions made, cannot be revoked,

Now you try to elope,
Blame it on your predecessor,
Try to fill us with hope,

This time you wont make it,
We can see through your smoke.


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50 Reviews


Points: 822
Reviews: 50

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Mon Jul 23, 2012 2:27 am
Pencil2paper wrote a review...



That was a very interesting poem, and definitely in a good way. I loved the double- meaning of smoke, as well as how you used the structure of the poem itself to further the poem and its message. I really liked how you used the almost forced rhyming to reinforce the message, as well as having a short, to-the-point poem, which has 'no smoke' or extra words. However, I find the rhyme scheme somewhat confusing. It looks like its in an AABCDCEA pattern, which makes no sense to me. It's like you couldn't make up your mind on the rhyme scheme. But it was still a good poem overall, though.




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204 Reviews


Points: 15914
Reviews: 204

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Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:46 am
crescent says...



Poetry is not my expertise, but the rhyming here feels a bit forced. Try to find a way to make the rhyming more organic if possible.





“I don't talk things, sir. I talk the meaning of things.”
— Ray Bradbury, Fahrenheit 451