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139,785 Literary Works • 672,766 Reviews
Heyo, I know this is super old, but I figured you should get a review, right?
I can totally relate to this, as it happens all the time to me. I'm glad it happens to someone else at least. ^^
There are some phrases in this that seem really awkward to me. For example:
The "into" here is what's throwing me off. I would write it like: "we walk our respective..." because you can't really walk /into/ a distance, right?
Also,
This phrase doesn't make much sense to me. Are you trying to say that this person seems to be looking into the distance? Or like they're far away? Because it doesn't read like that for me.
There are several other places where I wasn't sure if you had phrased it the way you wanted to. But I'm going to overlook those, because I'm sure you can find them, or they were intentional.
Another thing you might want to think about is your punctuation. You have a comma at the end of every line that isn't a question or the end of a stanza. I think poems read easier when they're punctuated like prose and give the reader where to stop and pause. Correct punctuation also clarifies meaning. ^_^
I really like the final stanza, because it definitively tells the reader what the poem is about.
Let me know if you have any questions! Keep writing.