A Thousand Demi-Gods ~ The story of Rayah
Chapter 3- The Ceremony
My vision getting better and me not remembering a single thing, I wake up inside a room I’ve never seen before. It had white curtains and a white bed cover, with decorative ballerinas, looking like they were carved into the silk. I looked down at myself, finding I was in a velvety red dress, tight around me, and as short as a little above my knees, strapless. I stand, realizing I was in high heels and fall, looking down att my feet, “Great.” I mutter to myself, almost sure I did not fight like this.
I looked in the mirror and my hair was curled into blach blonde ringlets, and I had makeup on. Which I never do…
I opened the doorknob out of the room and it led to a stage, the spotlight hitting me and I cover my eyes from it.
What the hell?!
Someone picks me up from the arms and takes me to a speach stand where the spotlight follows me. My sister, Jesse, down in the crowd, makes a hand motion for me to smile.
I do as she says, showing my pearly white teeth, giving my best smile off. There were camera flashes and people with notepads screaming my name.
A boy about two years older than me, walks up to the stand next to me and flashes a smile before turning to the crowd.
“Rayah Sparx has defeated the mighty beast all of us had come to know. Here, she will get her graduation, her pride, and freedom to go into the war.” He turns to me, “Congratulations Rayah.” He says and starts clapping. The crowd claps too and I am still insanely confused on what I’m doing in this place.
All I do is flash a smile as big as his and wave to the crowd, camera flashes stunning me. They hand me and microphone and I swallow not sure what to say.
“Uh…I guess I say thanks to everyone that’s supported me through my training. My dad, my mom and my sisters and brother. Um…I’m glad I finally get to participate in the war, to help save our Olympus.” I ended. “Thanks again.” I nod and give the microphone back to the boy.
He looks at me and nods back. “Now everyone help yourselves to any of the food, or the wonderful fountain of youth in the back.” He drops the microphone and I watch him walk off the stage as everyone murmurs about what had just happened.
I make my way off the stage too and take off the heels. I hold them in one of my hands as I keep walking and shoving through the crowd.
I got to where it was all quiet and sat down by the pond in the garden. I dip my feet into the water. I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn around to see that boy.
I flash a smile at him and he sits down next to me. I decide to strike up a conversation. “What’s your name?” I ask looking over at him.
He looks out over the pond and then to me when I ask him the question, his blue eyes sparkling with delight. I couldn’t help but stare into them. “My name is Charlie. And I know who you are.” He says, his hand going through his swoopy blonde hair.
I didn’t recognize his question before he snaps and I go back into reality. “Oh, Um yeah. You know me. I guess…” I said awkwardly, my blushing barely noticeable.
He raises an eyebrow at me and I curse mentally. “Never mind.” I said pulling a strand of hair from my face.
He chuckles and looks at me closer. “So Rayah, How old are you?” He studies me.
I look over at him, unsure of what he was asking. “Um. I’m sixteen.” I replied. “What about you Charlie. You look like your eighteen or so.” I guessed.
He shakes his head. “I’m seventeen.” He says back, his eyes still on me. I blush and look away. I remember something from school and my gaze turns to him. “Wait? Charlie? Son of Zeus? The one on the football team at school?” I flash a smile.
He nods, “Yes. I am.” He flashes a smile back.
I hear my name being called and I stand. “See you in school?” I ask.
Charlie nods, “Of course.”
I walk away and glance back at him. I’m lost in a daze when Jesse comes up to me. “Rayah.” She tries to get me to snap out of it.
My brain flicks back to normal time and I nod, blinking a couple times. “Yeah?”
“Who was that?”
“That was uh…Charlie.” I smile at his name.
Jesse flashes a smile at me and punches my arm playfully. “I heard he’s a player. Don’t fall for him.”
I shrug, “He seems like a nice guy.”
She grabs both my shoulders and shakes me, “Don’t. Fall. For. Him.”
I nod quickly, not understanding when she became in charge of my love life.
I walk back through the halls of Olympus to my dorm. My two guy roommates were fighting again and I had to stop it.
“Enough!” I scream pushing one into the wall and the other into the wall. “Ethan!” I turn to the oldest one on the floor. “Stop. You guys can’t always be fighting. Your siblings, learn to get along.” I chuckle at what I had just said.
Your siblings, learn to get along.
Yeah. Right. I turn to the younger brother, “Matthew!”
He looks at me, half scared. “Y-Yeah?”
“Stop annoying your brother. It’s hard for me too you know.” I say calmly. He nods and I take a deep breath. “Good. Now I’m getting some sleep it’s freaking late. Go to bed.” I sighed, climbing into my bunk and lay down. I hear screaming again from the brothers and throw the pillow over my face.
This is going to be a long night…
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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The story still seems good, but ok, this one is slightly confusing ^^'' not only because it's supposed to be in the beginning, I get that, but later on when she's talking to Charlie, then talking to her sister, then breaking up a fight. What was the fight about? What does her sister look like? ^^'' Next time, maybe slow down the pace a little. Add in some more background details, no? ^^
Oh, and here when you wrote; "My vision getting better and me not remembering a single thing, I wake up inside a room I’ve never seen before."
Maybe it would be easier to follow if it was written like this; "Even with my vision blurred, I can tell I've never been in this room before. How did I get here?"
Maybe something like that ^^''
The flow was kinda disrupted for a bit, but the story is still interesting ^^''
Is this past or present tense? You're going back and forth between the two.