avoid being mind-controlled.

This is Nikayla here for a review!

Tackling this on Review Day since it seems to have been swept over before. Let's jump right into the review. As the reader we see that this is a humorous and even a bit of a satire poem poking at the people or the thought that there are people who brain-wash you out there in the world and it honestly reminds me of the music video of Bukowski- Modest Mouse (I believe?) though that may not be appropriate for all ages. I won't link it because I do think it includes a swear or two, so warning if you decide to check that out. The structure with this piece was a little odd to me but it fits the rest of your poems.

There is a swear or two in the work plus a reference to "flipping the bird" so I'm just going to say that your work is probably going to be bumped for rating by the end of this or at least by the time you see this and--no worries about that. Back to the structure of the poem, we have three stanzas and then a couplet at the end of it. Something that I always happen to enjoy more in humorous poems is rhyme, and that's something that's here. I like rhyme more when it comes to poems that aren't really serious in their message and instead ones that are silly, and this is no exception.

It helps get the lax tone across, making it feel like more of a satire than it would without it because I think without it, the poem would feel like it's just tackling a message that's been said to be important over time. Instead of that, you tackle the message with humor, which is something that you seem to do often. For someone who doesn't know what the symbolism or what the tinfoil hat is, you do a good job at explaining it in the poem but at the same time some of the lines felt like they were trying to talk too much about it and explain it for anyone who didn't get the reference followed by the "flip them the bird" line. Overall, it's a silly poem and it works for what it is, so I happened to enjoy it.

I hope I helped and have a great day!

Hey, this was quite a good poem.

As stated previously, it was a bit wordy. For me, the lines were a tad too long for my liking and to be honest it did sound a bit like an essay which is not what you want in this type of poetry.

If you could shorten the lines a bit and/or remove unnecessary information (like for example the first half of the 2nd major stanza)

I like how you've played on your idea a bit and you've made it clear the central focus of the poem.

I think the poem went downhill when you said "feel like a teddy bear giving you hugs:"... If I were you, I'd remove this, it humours the poem and I don't really think it should be there.

Nonetheless if you fix a few things and keep revising your ideas this could prove to be a great poem - Tiana.

I don't usually write or review poetry, although I do read a lot of the ones posted here, just cause.

The only reason I'm reviewing this one is because I both enjoyed it but also had a few things I wanted to say about it.

Well, I read until the end and thought it was pretty good. I liked the sense of paranoia and also got the feeling that the person who wrote it is kind of crazy. Not to say YOU are crazy (I don't know, maybe you are!) but it seems more like you intended to write it from the point of view of somebody who is mentally unhinged, and so that came across well to me.

I liked the way the poem was split with this sentence: "Two words: tinfoil hat". It reset the flow in a good place. I don't know if there is a word for that technique in poetry but whatever it is, good job. Also I liked how it kind of had a comedic effect to it. Up until that point I was assuming the "author" might be a bit looney and then this line cemented that thought in quite a blunt, funny way.

My only two negative comments are that 1) sometimes a sentence was a little too wordy for the flow. When you rhyme every two sentences (again, don't know the name of this technique) I feel your pace has to be spot on. The lines that most stuck out to me were "How do we cope with this poison on our plate?" and "and that it's everywhere and that radiation is literally light,".

And the other comment is 2) you addressed the audience a lot in the poem, which isn't necessarily bad, but you switch from directing it completely at us "you/your" to including the "author" with "we/our". I found that inconsistent. Maybe others will disagree.

Anyway, hopefully that . . . helps? Really not sure how to review poetry. Ultimately I liked the subject and it had some great points to it.

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