Christmas in July
My jaw dropped, I widely opened my eyes
when I saw that this year, Christmas was in July!
A writing theme eluded me and so I thought
I'd write about the first thing I saw – why not?
So, grab your Christmas hats and join the party.
Wear your smile, don't forget to be joyous and hearty!
Feel free to bring a friend, we'll gladly welcome their presence.
What else are we to do with all of these presents?
Hear the sound of the bells, smell the Christmas trees.
Feel on your cheeks the gentle summer breeze.
And sing along with me at the beat of the bees.
You can stay at home if you've got allergies.
Cake and cookies for all, now grab a biscuit!
Everybody in the world, no matter the distance
have some gingerbread and a Merry Christmas!
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,660 Literary Works • 672,645 Reviews
I like the funny, jolly essence of this poem! It's rather like a Christmas song, don't you think? Anyhow, good job! Just a few tiny errors:
The first line : '' My jaw dropped open, I widely opened my eyes. " In this, " I widely opened my eyes" is not a correct phrase. You can change it to "my eyes opened wide" or something.
Second, what does " sing along with me at the beat of the BEES" mean? Just wondering.
Nice poem, anyway! Keep it up!
Mysticalxx
Thanks.
Yes, I realize that "widely" is not the proper adverb to use. I needed an extra syllable for the musicality of it, so I thought it wouldn't be a big deal.
I just wanted to invoke the buzzing sound that bees make. It's basically "Sing along with me to the buzzing sound of the bees", but that was too long.
I'm happy to see that you like it.
Hi there, CandyWizard! cleverclogs here to review your poem!
I saw this when it was first posted, and I didn't review it because I was feeling lazy and I figured that someone else would say what I wanted to say. Well, ten days and four reviews later, nobody has, so here I am.
I'm not sure that you can "widely open" something. It's a very weird phrase. Fortunately, "wide" rhymes well enough with "July" that you can easily make the line both make sense and rhyme. Also, "my jaw dropped" is a little choppy. I'd rephrase these two lines as something like
Yay!
I like these two lines. It acknowledges that your poem isn't really taking itself too seriously; it's just a bit of lighthearted fun.
Hmm, the second line doesn't have very good rhythm, and the rhyme is slightly forced. I'll leave you to work that out if you want to. Just remember, there's no shame in consulting an online rhyming dictionary if you can't find rhymes. You could always find a word that works on those and find a way to put it into your poem.
I do it all the timeAh, these lines make me smile. Very cute. "Presence" and "presents" are very similar, and don't make very good rhymes, but I think it works well enough here. Also, the comma in the first line should be a semicolon.
It wasn't until the second line in this excerpt that I suddenly remembered that this poem was about Christmas in July. Maybe you could work in a bit of summer imagery earlier, so that readers don't drift off into thinking about December before they get to that line.
Allergies! My mortal nemesis! I love that you worked that into the poem. It adds to the humor. I think that in the first line, "at" should be "to".
It kind of threw me off how the established rhyme scheme was dropped for these last three lines. Maybe you could find a way to keep the rhyme and rhythm, that you used earlier in the poem. Also, in these lines, you drift away from the summery theme. I'm now thinking about December again. It'd be great if you could incorporate some of the summer imagery that you used earlier into these last few lines.
So, overall, this poem is cute. It's not particularly well-written or outstanding, but it brings a smile to my face, so I think that it serves its purpose. I think that the whole poem could use more of the summer imagery (I keep using that phrase!). Thanks for writing and sharing this cute little poem.
Thank you for taking the time to write this lengthy review!
I'm reviewing this as a thank you for reviewing my writing.
But I don't think it's going to be a proper review, because there's nothing I think you could improve. Everything is fine, it's amazing, it captures the Christmas spirit (but not in the way that the Grinch captured it)!
Your rhyming makes me happy, because all the best Christmas poems rhyme. I especially liked the line with bees and the humour when you mention allergies. Though you may have just done that so the poem rhymes, I thought the humour was a good touch. So yeah! It's great, and I will most certainly have some of that gingerbread, please.
Thank you for taking the time to review it! Gingerbread is on the house!
So funny and original. Who would have thought of Christmas in July? If only we had snow right now and cold temps other than the temperatures of 90's here! You have great rhyming and I can clearly see the rhythm.
Very clever and seems like teachers would enjoy it, as well as younger siblings or cousins.
I like how you mish-mashed the Christmas bells and trees, along with the summer breeze, bees, and allergies. It adds to the point of being a satirist.
Enjoyed reading this very much! Hope you check out my work under my author name CatLover211. Liked this work a lot!!
Thank you!
Hello!
Haha, I loved this. The rhyme scheme was awesome and put together nicely. There were a few places that could've been tweaked to have a better rhyme, (the last stanza was a bit iffy) but most of it was beautifully awesome.
I love how you've got the perfect summer feeling in there, but also that excitement when Christmas comes. It's very relatable and sends that same emotion and feeling.
The silliness in this was also lighthearted and held a nice freshness.
I feel like - although there is some - there should be more summeryness (totally a word). When someone says summer, I automatically think of lemonade and hot, sticky weather. How about mentioning some cool drink in the last stanza, instead of cakes and cookies? What about mentioning humid weather instead of cold, spine-chilling snowy weather? etc, etc. Just some suggestions to summer-up your poem.
Overall, though, I really enjoyed this nice, different read. And about YWS. Nice.
Keep writing, hope this review helps or inspires you!
~ EternalRain
Thanks!
You're welcome
I love this! It is the perfect combintation between summer and Christmas. Truly a Christmas in July! I suck at reviews so this won't be very long. It's more of just a praise for such a good poem!! You obviously have some true talent. I felt invited in and welcomed and thatis always a good thing. Keep up th good work and never stop believing in yourself. Merry Christmas in July!
In Christ- AG
Thank you so much!