Invisible.

Wow. I felt like I could relate to this on a profound level. Sometimes when I'm feeling really depressed, this is how I feel. So I have to commend you for capturing that all-too-familar feeling here. This was full of raw emotions. You didn't hold back here, which I liked. You utulized crisp and strong phrases, coupled with strong imagery. Therefore, you really made your point here. I was very pleased with what I read. I am sorry I did not find this sooner.

Hi there

Wow. This was AMAZING Very interesting !

I thought is was a very beautyful way, to write something that so many people know about, it was very relatable, and very touching.

You are really great at using imagery, the last part was truly amazing. The first part had something different, it was very smart, it was a good idea with the superheroes. The break in the middle with the single word lines tied the two part nicely together

Your use of words in the whole poem is just fantastic. The ending is so powerful. Great job

I like that it is so short, so simple, yet so beautiful.

Amazing job! Well done. I look forward to reading more of your stuff. Just keep writing

Hiya Pepsi! Here to review this poem

I actually really enjoyed this. I thought the message was meaningful but also really true. Not necessarily to you, but I think it's a topic that loads of people can relate to and you've written it really nicely. I like the imagery a lot in this and it brings even more emotion to the whole thing which is fab.

My first critique is to do with the punctuation. I'm a bit new to poetry but I learnt recently that a line break doesn't always mean that there's going to be a pause in the sentence.

When I was younger
I thought that invisibility
was a power
reserved for super heroes.

and slip through the cracks
in the uneven pavement,

Hey.... Great work i must say.This poem is short but conveys an amazing meaning. Although the scheme and rhyming of the poem were not proper. If you are writing a poem a few things to be kept in mind ; Rhyme Scheme and the stanza's. You have just written a complete paragraph but the poem would look much more interesting if you would just divide your poem into a few stanza's.
This line seemed a bit awkward
"I am
unimportant.
Irrelvant.
Unwanted."

Maybe you could go through your poem once again and edit your work.
Happy Review DAY

Hello!

First, I want to say that I love the opening to this and the tone you've got - that very simple, understated voice - is beautiful. It really helps create the persona of a child who isn't noticed, but should be.

Here's a few more in-depth observations:

1. I think the first section would be more powerful with more description and more abstract phrasing, such as:

'When I was young,
I thought invisibility -
with all its chance for gain -
was a power reserved
for the powerful.

My thoughts were of potent
super heroes,
infiltrating the Dark Man's lair - yet
I have achieved invisibility,
with little to no effort at all.

This is just a quick example of what you could do, but by expanding on that section, it gives a greater story behind the words and it shows the transition from seeing invisibility as being something powerful, to being something dreaded/ unwanted.

2. I could go missing,
but first, I would have to be missed. << I love these two lines, very beautifully worded and very effective.

Overall

The ending of this is excellent and your imagery and ideas throughout are great. I think my only real advice is for you to do more with the beginning, as I have suggested above. This is a really great read though and very current, with the rise in super hero popularity so nice work!

Let me know if you have any questions

Heather xx

Hey PepsiCola,

Wow! What a fantastic poem. Goodness I just keep reading poems and everyone just keeps surprising me with there amazing ones! This is the type of poem which I would call short but meaningful.

I loved the plot of the poem. Every line gave a very clear understanding of the poem. I could understand what you actually tried to tell here and it was great. I mean you should so keep writing poems. This piece totally explained everything you wanted to say. There was one idea and you made the poem on it which was very impressive because the mistakes we can usually see today is that people make poems based on 2 or 3 ideas and it ends up confusing the reader but nothing like that happened here.

The poem lacked punctuation though. There were places where there needed to be a comma or full stop but there wasn't any. You should really work on that because it is kind of a drawback which is better to be avoided.

I felt that the poem wasn't divided into stanzas, now many of the poems I have seen till now are not divided into stanzas. Is this some kind of a new rule? Do tell me if it is because i am not really sure about it. I think that a poem's beauty is been divided into stanzas so I would really prefer you to do it. This is specially for big poems (If you ever write a big poem please divide it into stanzas)

Then the rhythm, though rhythm isn't very important I would say it is very preferable. A reader wants to read the poem continuously without any unnecessary pauses and giving the poem a rhythmic structure helps giving it that effect. It is not important though but I felt the poem lacked it.

My favorite lines in this poem are:

and not even an ant
would stop to watch me evaporate.

"Instead, I'll turn to liquid
and slip through the cracks
in the uneven pavement,
and not even an ant
would stop to watch me evaporate."
^
One of the best chunks of angsty poetry I've ever read, haha! I typically bash this sort of poetry to the core, but I really liked the setup. You created rhythm in the style of the poetry, points where you spaced one line between the next in such, which also captivated me during the read. I'm going to go through this in a bit of a breakdown.

First things first; the subject. The subject of the work annoys me, but yet still I find it relatable. I'm sure everyone has felt invisible at one point, so it's a good choice considering that it appeals greatly to a large audience.

Secondly; the writing. I found the execution to be close to flawless. The words were too the point and still luminous with the heart-felt dread of emotion. I liked that you didn't have to over-juice-- if you will-- the poem up with fluffy nonsense just to get the point across that it's an intense matter.

Lastly; the punctuation. I understand the intention with the periods to create a solid, blank, and bold message, but I feel like it would have worked better if they just weren't there. Having to stop and take a breath throughout the portion where the three adjectives are listed sort of jerked my reading, and created a mild disturbance.
Aside that, however the poem was brilliant.

Keep writing!

I like your first six lines. It really sets up the viewpoint of someone reflecting cynically. It builds at just the right pace. I could almost hear the wry self-deprecation.

Then you lose that and the reader realizes you weren't being somewhat humorously self-deprecating, at which point the poem loses its cleverness.

It's the difference between making a point artfully with a few jabs at yourself and (unfortunately) coming off as a simple self-pitying list.

The first six lines could take this poem in an entirely different direction in regard to style (my comments may seem to judge the literal content of the poem but I promise I'm shooting for how it's written.)

I don't doubt that you feel invisible or unwanted but tell the reader that in an interesting way. "Woe is me, I might as well be invisible" is a little hackneyed. There are people with leprosy. I'm betting that you, internet connection and all, have problems more complex than perceived anonymity.

One other small thing. You have a typo in your spelling of irrelevant.

You can obviously write well and your points are quite coherent (more than can be said for a lot of writers). But I also think, as your writing ability shows, that you are capable of more complex explanations.