Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
The window wouldn’t open, so Caleb rested a bare shoulder against the glass and let it suck the heat from his skin. He took a drag of the cigarette, watching the smoke ripple and break apart against the pane, then held it out behind him. Lorette took it with light fingers.
“What’s this?” Caleb said, tapping the glass. “Am I about to see some delightful public sacrifice?”
Cigarette between her lips, Lorette slid off the bedsheets and pattered towards the window. A crowd had gathered in the plaza far below, circling a platform upon which a priest stood calling and gesticulating, but there was no more to see than that. Caleb soon found his eyes drifting back to Lorette. Moonlight edged through the glass, licking the sharp angles of her bare arms and shoulders and sheening them with silver. She handed the cigarette back to him.
“Ceremony,” she said.
“Yeah?” he said. It was too far away for him to make out what the priest was saying, but he heard a stirring cheer as a man stepped onto the platform, clad in clanking armour. “What’s the occasion?”
“Hurtling towards an age-old war,” she said. She shivered. “Come back to bed.”
“Nah, I’m interested now,” he said. When she pouted, he blew a smoke ring into her face. “Go on, tell me the details.”
“It’s for the Seven Sisters,” Lorette said. Caleb looked blank. “Seven Sisters. You’ve heard of them, surely?”
“Nope. Sounds like something out of a cult.”
She rolled her eyes. Sometimes, she wondered if he made a deliberate effort to ignore the culture of the places he visited. She took his warm hand and pointed it at the view through the window, so that the tip of his finger hovered over the crest of a distant tower. “There. The Den of Sisters.”
“Now it sounds like a brothel.”
She sighed. “You're hopeless.”
“I know,” he said, grinning. He pulled her to him, wrapping his arms around her stomach and letting his mouth brush her ear. “Educate me, then. What’re the Seven Sisters?”
“Dragons,” she said.
“Ooh, exciting,” he said, squeezing her. “Tell me more.”
“They guard a floor each of the palace,” she said. “Twelve times a year, a Champion charges off to kill them. None of them have ever charged back.”
“In-ter-esting,” Caleb said. “I’m guessing there’s some kind of prize in this? A pretty princess lies in wait?”
She rolled her eyes again, leaning back against him. “Gods, no. She’s a demigoddess. Valades - means ‘wish giver’ in the Old Tongue. The Seven Sisters stole her away three centuries ago and she’s been incarcerated ever since. She’ll grant the desires of whoever frees her.”
“Very grand,” Caleb said. “How come a demigoddess can’t free herself?”
She sighed, as though he’d said something incredibly stupid, and didn’t answer the question. She did that a lot. It was only to be expected, really – she was the daughter of a high priestess, born in a valley where the forests still sang and the monuments blinked and moved. She knew the nuances of magic the way she knew the creases in her hands, same as he knew how to shoot pool, moor a boat and wrangle free drinks off strangers. They came from different worlds. Where he’d grown up, the closest you got to magic was a man asking you if the seven of hearts was indeed your card.
“They’ve never killed any of the dragons, then, these Champions?” Caleb said, fiddling with a lock of her brown hair. “In three hundred years?”
“Some have been killed,” she said. “But so long as one lives, the others will return.”
“Why don’t they send more than one bloke to fight at a time, then? There’s a thought.”
Lorette sighed, and again she didn’t answer the question. “Tiisha has been killed the most times. She’s the first dragon. The colour of the seabed, with wings as vast as the room. She beats them hard and sends her quarry against the wall, shattering their bones.”
“Sounds fun,” Caleb said. “What about the others?”
“Eljien breathes fire hot enough to melt stone,” she said. “Danet is small, no larger than a dog, but her scales are glassy and take the colour of the room. She kills with her teeth. You feel her before you see her.”
“This gets better and better. The others?”
“Jye is long and lithe – she wraps herself around her victims and crushes them like a snake. Yirivia cannot see, but she hears everything. She only ever needs to move once. Kolokos, the sixth, has the blood of demons – she sets the room burning, then infiltrates her victim’s body to make them walk into the flames.”
“I swear you’re making this up,” Caleb said, laughing. “Go on, then. Tell me the seventh one has a million heads and plucks you apart one tendon at a time.”
Lorette unpicked his hands, turning to face him. “Nobody has seen the seventh.”
“What? You’re lying,” he said, and locked his arms tight around her. “I’m not letting go ‘til you tell me.”
“We don’t even know her name.”
“Can’t accept that. Too dissatisfying.”
She laughed, and the gesture brought such flushed brightness to her face that he kissed her, moving his hands through her heavy hair, over her skin, along the bumps of her ridged spine, breathing in the sweet scent of her flesh. For a moment, she leaned into him, her nails biting into his shoulders, but then she broke away.
“No, I’m going, I’m going,” she said, scooping her clothes up. “I’m already late. Said I’d be home by midnight.”
“Spoilsport,” Caleb said. “I’ll walk you back.”
She paused halfway through struggling into her skirt. “You don’t have to.”
“I know I don’t,” he said, pulling his shirt over his head. He looked at her. “What?”
“It’s- I’d rather go alone, that’s all. You’ve had a long journey,” she said, focusing on belting her skirt. “And if my parents see you, they might…”
“Might what?” he said. “I’ve come back with you before.”
“Well, it’s different now,” she said, shrugging into her blouse. He saw her hesitate, fiddling with the buttons, still not making eye contact. “There’s a man in the village. A priest. My mother thinks he’s a good match.”
Caleb’s stomach hollowed. “What?”
She waited a second or two, doing up the last few buttons, then swept her hair out of her collar. “He’s decent enough. A bit dull, but I can’t help that.”
“Can’t help it?” Caleb said, his voice wavering. “You’re getting- when the fuck were you going to tell me?”
She looked into the corner of the room. “I’m telling you now.”
“You’re- I don’t- and you’ve agreed?”
“Of course I have,” she said, forcefully off-hand. “What did you expect? That I’d tell my mother no, sorry, I’m going to marry a godless foreigner instead?”
A sharp, stinging silence.
“I can’t believe this,” Caleb said, rubbing his face. “You said it, last time. You said you wanted-”
“Want’s got nothing to do with anything,” Lorette said, her mouth tight. She planted her hands on her hips. “Can you let me past, please?”
Caleb realised then that he was blocking the door, his fingers gripping one side of the frame. Numbly, he let his arm drop, then moved aside. The clap of her footsteps was too quiet in his ears.
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Hello there! I read this for Lightsong's entry into the Critique Crucible, and while I was at it I noticed some things no one else mentioned yet.
While I really like the dragons, and their names, and their characteristics, at the end of the scene I'm not a huge fan of how that information is presented to us. The one part of the scene I like best is when the relationship dynamic changes: Lorette drops her bombshell on us and Caleb. The rest of the scene, however, is a lot of not much happening. Basically, two people looking out a window and talking. The conversation doesn't deepen character or relationship so much, so things aren't exactly changing (because you could make the argument that some VERY tense scenes in fiction are just two people talking); mainly it's a big infodump disguised as dialogue.
This is a tricky one because everyone says to trickle info in through dialogue rather than as a big paragraph. But then we go and tell you not to do that, either. The trick is to be sneaky about it and make it relevant to the scene. Here, there isn't really a scene. If something crazy was happening down in the pavilion, and the characters went down there and had a shouting match with some angry cultist about the dragons, that would feel more alive and active, and you can sneak the worldbuilding in without us noticing. Having two characters remaining static for 90% of the scene, going over information, is less interesting. You have given us a reason for Caleb to not know this stuff and need it explained, but I still think it would be far more engaging to get some motion and activity into the scene.
That was the main thing I wanted to stop by and mention. Cheers and happy writing!
Thank you! Yes, that's one of my main worries with this piece, but I'm not sure yet how else to integrate the information. I might end up cutting the scene down so that Lorette mentions that there is a demigoddess guarded by dragons but doesn't go into much more detail than that. Now I think about it, it may serve the story better if I don't reveal the names and strategies of the dragons this early on. Thank you for pointing this out!
Hey there! MJ stopping by for another review.
To me, this feels like a small info-dump. I would shorten it so that the reader just knows that Lorette was born into a land with magic and into a high position. All the imagery sounds beautiful, but it goes down a little bit of a rabbit hole.As far as the language went, I counted only one use of any language that could be considered foul, and therefore if you would change that one word to something more mild, you might attract some more readers who would otherwise avoid. Just something to think about.
I agree with Lightsong-- the romance was such a subplot that it didn't really take center stage. Your description was bordering on graphic, but then it didn't go anywhere and was a little bit of a disappointment. I liked the story of the Seven Sisters, but I think that there should have been a little more discussion there.
I also didn't feel that the personalities contrasted sharply enough between Lorette and Caleb. Caleb seemed a little shallow, and only seemed interested in Lorette, but not as a main character. Lorette's personality went a little deeper, but it seemed more like she was the MC and not Caleb. She also sort of cruelly led Caleb on and then dropped the bombshell, and that seemed uncharacteristically cruel and cold.
Overall, I liked the fantasy and romantic undertones of this piece, but they both seemed like they were fighting for center stage and didn't compliment each other as well as they could have. Keep in mind that your romantic descriptions also got a little past PG-13, so just be mindful that if you go much farther you should give the reader a little warning.
Hopefully this review was helpful, and if you have any questions, let me know! Until next time, I'll be lurking around and hopefully pretty easy to find if you have questions/concerns or want another review!
Thank you!
Hello and happy review day!

So this was short, but still a good set up for the story. I am not sure how to regarding Caleb and Loretta as characters or of their relationship. It honestly felt like they were just there for exposition but the way this is written indicates that their romance will play a part in the future and you did say to the other reviewer that the connection between the seven sisters and Caleb and Loretta's romantic relationships will make sense in the next part of the story so I will trust you on that. That said, what little characterization we got from them certainly go me thinking, at least about Loretta. I honestly don't know what to think of her feelings for Caleb,not she really loves him and is just burying those feelings for the sake of the family reputation or is just using him and doesn't love him at all. He certainly seems to genuinely love her, but I cannot be sure. Even if we got very little about them as characters, I am nonetheless looking forward to seeing how they connect to the main conflict of the story.
Keep writing!
Thank you for the review! I'll hopefully have the next part posted soon.
Hey, I'm here to review.
It's interesting how the daughter of a priest can engage in an intimate activity with a godless foreigner.

I like this! It's very fantasy-like and mysterious. The idea of dragons is simply common, and yet you make it fresh by giving them names and describe them as if they're human, and the mystery of the seventh sister gives us something more than just dragons. At that point, we know there's more to the story and it pulls our interest to read this further. I like the details you give to each of the dragon, and the difficulty you portray on killing them, how killing just one wouldn't reduce their number. They just keep coming back, and that shows how impossible the task is in rescuing Valades - a demigoddess instead of a princess, and Caleb's question on how she just couldn't save herself is valid - I wonder what the answer to it would be like.
Because of the interest you've put on the dragons and their mystery, it's hard for me to distribute the same interest for the love story between Caleb and Lorette. It seems to be a sub-plot and isn't actually necessary to the story as far as what I've read. But then again, this story is told from Caleb's PoV, so who knows? If Lorette doesn't come to see her, we might not know the continual of the dragon story. Also, are they naked in the room? >.> If so, I don't notice that until Caleb wears his shirt again. I suggest you make that clear from the beginning.
Thus, it disappoints me a bit of how Lorette doesn't say no to her mother in regards to the priest her mother thinks is a good a match for her. Maybe there is a reason for it, but if she really loves Caleb, wouldn't she think it's better to just marry him and let her family thinks whatever they want? >.> Because of this, I think the general outlook of the family and the people of her place is conservative, and she's probably has been drilled to obey elderly's instructions. Her act of edginess with Caleb seems to be something that she has done because no one else knows about it.
I'm interested to see what Caleb's going to do with it. He seems like a badass person, but I'm not sure how he fares in his love life and whether he has the gut to do what's right for him and Lorette. His character seems more fragile than Lorette's; his reaction towards Lorette's revelation tells us he's more vulnerable than she, unaccustomed to having to obey adult's instructions.
And that is all! The story is solid, I'm eagerly waiting for the next part. Keep up the good job!
Thank you! The relationship between the love story and the Seven Sisters will become clearer in the next part. They're not directly linked but there is a reason for the subplot. Thanks again!