Cover art for Aether's Heart 3

Aether's Heart 3

by Omni, AlyTheBookworm, Chaser, ScarlettFire, soundofmind

Published January 27, 2021

16+ Language

In Aether's Heart

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.

Written by Chaser

80 Days B.N.D


Paimon took a fistful of leaves from her pocket and scattered them onto the table. “That’ll be twenty gold pieces,” she said.

The apothecary bent over the shop counter, adjusting his eyepiece. He daintily picked up each leaf, examining the reddish-orange glow from the veins. He huffed, sending his balding hair shooting up.

“Well, a deal is a deal,” he said. “I’ll also take some root of riander while you’re here.”

Paimon loosened another pouch from her belt and dumped its contents onto the table. “I nearly lost an arm getting these,” she said. “Bravery might not up the price, but demand sure does.” She beamed, turning the roots over for inspection.

The apothecary checked them for a second before sighing. “It’s all top-quality. I’ll go get your payment, then.” He walked around the wood counter and disappeared into the back room.

“Thanks for supporting small business!” Paimon called after him. Chuckling a bit, she leaned on the counter. The apothecary’s shop was a dense, cluttered room, with sloppily labeled items decking the walls. The windows were shuttered to protect the concoctions from the morning sun, and the cheap indoor lanterns conferred a mucous glow onto the wood. Paimon enjoyed the molded-over atmosphere, the faint smell of potions forming a slow, eternal haze.

“You seem kinda down,” she said to the apothecary when he returned.

“Yes, well, ingredients are expensive,” he lamented, and Paimon scratched the back of her head, grinning guiltily.

"But it’s not just that,” the apothecary continued, gesturing to a gallon jar of greenish liquid. “There’s been a bout of bluecough round lately. I’m burning every resource just to try and keep up.”

“Hm.” Paimon folded her arms and pretended not to hear.

“But oh, well. I suppose even alchemy must obey nature’s will.” The apothecary took out a handkerchief and dabbed a bead of sweat from his forehead. He looked exhausted, as though his body had been pushed without regulation.

Paimon swiped her necessities off of the table and stashed them in her belt. Many of the coins were left on the table, to which she made a dismissive gesture.
“To be clear, that’s just a loyalty discount,” she said as the apothecary gathered the money.
The apothecary chuckled. “But of course. And thank you.”
“That’s not it!” Paimon said, brandishing her words and money sack. “Just remember the generosity of Paimon Fel, okay? Have a nice day, then.” She strode out of the apothecary shop determined not to regret a thing.
Outside, the sun was searing up from the east, dying blue shadows across the backs of buildings. Syna was not a place that woke lightly, and people were already beginning to head off to work, a rising tide of laborers and artisans. Paimon skipped lightly past them, not bothering to read their expressions. The faces in a town weren’t so much important as the atmosphere. Their lives blended into the bubbles that Paimon skated across in life. She was the dealer of catharsis; for most, that was all they needed.
The morning bazaar was teeming with wares. Tinkers scuttled to their stations, carefully placing down items of mechanical and magical interest. Paimon could see their gears turning, magic circles revolving around one another, apertures squinting at the throng of customers lining up in anticipation.
The farmers, having the easiest merchandise to move, were already set up in their stalls and extolling the health benefits of fresh rutabagas. The people of Syna loved to chat up how revitalizing they were. Paimon had read something of the “placebo effect” in the past; she had also seen something of the icebox from which a farmer pulled the “fresh” produce. It didn’t matter to her, as long as the rutabagas were a happymaker among the people.
She and her fellow vendor were among those “happymakers,” though of a different ilk. Paimon stepped into her usual alley and was immediately confronted by a grey-bearded man in a cowl.
“Before you lies ruin,” the hooded man said, wielding a glowing crystal ball. “Unimaginable sorrow, if you do not turn from your current path. This fate may be avoided with an offering of sustenance.”
Paimon sighed. “I’m not buying you lunch, Mogul. Though I do have enough to get something good for myself.”
A smile perked up from behind the beard, dislodging it slightly. “Oh, is that so?”
Paimon nodded, licking her fingers as she counted off options. “Mm, maybe a link of sausages, or sweetmeats? Though the pies smelled really good this morning.”
“You’re a horrible, horrible person, and fate is going to wallop you for it.” Mogul shook his head, readjusting the beard. Beneath the fake bristles was the clean chin of a twenty-something-year-old swindler, who’d taken up residence in this alley as a fortune-teller. He wasn’t Paimon’s friend so much as an acquainted contact, one she trusted to share the going-ons of Syna.
“So, I was right about the bluecough, wasn’t I?” Mogul asked, his eyes keen with wisdom.
Paimon shrugged. “Yeah, and I made good bank. Thank you for the tip.”

“It helps me too.” Mogul shuffled in his long robe back to his table, placing his crystal ball on the pedestal. “I’ve told quite a few people that their ailments will pass. Hopefully with your supplies, they will.”
“Are you ever going to make a real prediction?”
“If I could, I’d make a fortune.” Mogul giggled for a second before resuming his wizardly air. “But all I can do is try to guide them towards the future they want.”
Paimon smirked. “You’re a little young to be dealing advice.”
“You’re a little young to be dealing sunweed. Don’t criticize my method.”
Paimon reached into her cloak and pulled out a red sling. “I’m gonna pitch that crystal ball over the moon, you know that?”
Mogul put his hands up, the beard conveying a mystic sense of calm. “Look, the only fortune I give is one of success. I advise people towards it, but I must say it’s difficult for them to reach that future with you hawking your snake oils further down the alley.”
“It’s the same lie, essentially.” Paimon said, flicking her hand towards him. “You’re just mad because I get paid more.
“I just want what’s best for their lives,” Mogul said calmly.
“And I want them to enjoy those lives,” Paimon replied.
“But I provide answers,” Mogul stressed.
“And sometimes the answer is smoking sunweed, Mogul. People need to unwind too.” Paimon smiled and leaned her back to the wall, watching the bazaar fill up. “Mind telling my fortune, though?” she asked without looking.
“The heavy toll exacts a trial of forgiveness.”
“Pssh. You saying I need forgiveness?”
“I didn’t say anything.”
Paimon shook her head in mock awe, looked down, and froze. There was a stone lying in front of her, the same color as the dirt. In fact, it was the dirt, formed of it in a perfect sphere. There was a rune printed onto it, glowing faintly in the daytime shade. And it was so familiar, this ghost of her past. The rune sphere had haunted her for eleven years. It would form out of a river stream, out of a cooking fire, or an oak log, and always with the rune facing her, the crossed slashes looking so much like an eye.
She set her shoe next to it and tapped it. The attribute of the earth remained solid in the sphere. Gently so Mogul wouldn’t notice, she nudged it away, out of sight and out of heart. Even if just for a moment, the sphere would disappear from her life. Disappear it did, just around the corner.
Paimon bit her tongue. If she looked around that corner, there was no telling whether it would still be there, it being a ghost.
“Getting cold feet?” She turned to see Mogul watching intently. “Scared of getting arrested for your wares, maybe. You should become an honest liar, like me,” he said, grinning cheekily.
Mogul’s words were often a salve, but this one did nothing to ease her. She wished she had something to calm her nerves. There was some sunweed in her bag, but no way to smoke it. She needed a-
Bong. Bong, Bong. Bong, Bong.
Paimon nearly jumped at the bell ringing through the alleyways and streets. The tolling seemed to resonate down to her bones, and she grit her teeth. It seemed a little early for the church to be sounding its steeple, though. Then it struck her. “Heavy toll. Toll, like a bell. Very funny.”
“Did you say something?” Mogul asked.
Between the sphere and Mogul’s nonchalance, Paimon was eager to get moving. “Maybe I’ll check out that trial of forgiveness, then. Or get a pie. Anything to get away from you.” She stuck out her tongue moodily.
Mogul leaned his beard on his hand. “Don’t go too far, now.”
But Paimon intended too, moving brusquely through the crowd. The bustling city rose up high above her, laundry hanging from lines across the windows of tall, rickety houses. Old-fashioned shingling had shrugged off the weather near the Draconis River for years. Even with the city’s growth, it never lost its intimacy.
Above the buildings in the distance was the church steeple, where hung a large bronze bell. The bell was rung each day to signal the hour, and as Paimon watched, it began to rotate in a mighty sweep.
Bong. Bong. Bong. Bong. Bong. Bong. Bong. Bong.
Paimon stopped short. It couldn’t possibly have been an hour since she’d heard the sound from the alleyway. But if the bells were tolling the hour just now, what had it been before?
She reached the steps, intent on running up them and getting answers. But her progress was halted early by a hand on her cloak. Paimon looked down and saw an old man in rags, his eyes weary and desperate.
The veins were popping out on his neck, and his face was flushed from the lack of air to his lungs. Paimon had seen the symptoms of bluecough before, and this old man was no better or worse than the thousand victims in the city of Syna.
Paimon grinned and shook his hand. “Hi! Are you here to see a doctor?”
The old man shook his head. He opened his mouth, and nothing but a dry wheeze escaped. Paimon estimated that the bluecough had just recently taken his voice. His hands grasped at her cloak, and she fought them away.
“I don’t have a cure, old man,” she said. During the time in which she’d spoken, her smile had dried thin as paint. “You need to get to a doctor.”
The old man spread his hands about himself, as if to sadly say, I would if I could. His mouth still hung half-open, moans lifting from his throat as if from a grave.
He wasn’t trying to grab her anymore, but his presence was unbearable. Paimon’s hand dipped into her herb pouch, coming up with ten hard, black seeds. She presented them forward. “These will ease the pain. That’s all they can do, though.”
The old man didn’t listen, and scarfed down the seeds. He leaned back on the steps, the rasp lifting from his breath. His eyes registered nothingness in the calmest manner.
Paimon watched him drift off, and when he was asleep, ran up the steps and banged on the church door. She turned back to the man and hesitated for a moment, then, at the sound of approaching footsteps, leapt from the stairs and back into the crowded street. All the while, she was trying to figure out what she was feeling.
It was a stupid mood, she decided. This whole day had put her into a stupid mood. She needed some relaxation time. She needed a vacation, somewhere ridiculously sunny. An idyllic mirage far from this trading town.

She nearly tripped on the ghost as she stepped over it. The rune sphere was made of clay this time, popped out of a brick building next to her. Paimon placed it in her sling, and, whirling twice for good luck, launched it over the horizon.

Comments & reviews · 9
User avatar
mordax
Review
mordax wrote a review Review · Feb 14, 2021

Hello again! Mordax here with a review.

To start off, wonderful job on this story! I will be sprinkling in suggestions and compliments throughout, so let's get started.

First off:

sending his balding hair shooting up.

The description "balding hair" doesn't make a lot of sense. A head is balding, not usually the hair. I would suggest changing "balding" to "sparse" or some other adjective.

“Thanks for supporting small business!”

Wow! This single line clearly displays Paimon's character. Love it!

Paimon enjoyed the molded-over atmosphere, the faint smell of potions forming a slow, eternal haze.

I love this description.

“You seem kinda down,” she said

This part was a bit confusing. Up until this point, there was no indication that the apothecary was down. As he is a new character, we don't know his typical demeanor and therefore don't know if his behavior now is any different. I would suggest adding some observations beforehand of how his behavior indicates a negative mood.

bluecough round lately.

"round" should be spelled " 'round"

“Hm.” Paimon folded her arms and pretended not to hear.

Why would she pretend not to hear? As she had asked the question of how he was, this doesn't make much sense. I'm sure there is a reason, but I would explain it further so there isn't confusion.

that Paimon skated across in life

"in life" seems redundant here, but if you feel it is necessary, then ignore me.

Beneath the fake bristles was the clean chin of a twenty-something-year-old swindler, who’d taken up residence in this alley as a fortune-teller.

Wow! This is a beautiful and smooth transition into describing both his current appearance and who he is in this story.

“You’re just mad because I get paid more.

You just forgot the closing quotation on this dialogue section.

She needed a-

Bong.

I don't know if this innuendo was intentional, but it made me laugh out loud. I love it, because it balances humor and seriousness.

answers. But her progress was halted early by a hand on her cloak.

I would suggest either conjoining these two sentences or removing the 'but'. Also, the adjective "early" seems redundant, as it is already clear she has not yet arrived and is being halted mid-trek.

She nearly tripped on the ghost as she stepped over it. The rune sphere was made of clay this time, popped out of a brick building next to her. Paimon placed it in her sling, and, whirling twice for good luck, launched it over the horizon.

This last paragraph seems a bit rushed. For starters, I would clarify that 'the ghost' is the stone, such as saying, "the ghost rune" then removing "rune" from the next sentence. As for her launching into the horizon, this is an interesting, and I would suggest adding some more thought processes or reasoning into why she bothered this time, rather than just ignoring it like before. Also, I was under the impression that she was still in this city, so the image of her launching this stone up into the air among crowded streets was a bit concerning, as I could only seeing it falling and landing on someone. Unless, of course, this rune is transparent to everyone else but her? I would clarify on some of these points to avoid confusion.

Besides these few suggestions, wow!!! I loved this chapter and I loved Paimon's character. The world-building in this story is insanely good. I can't begin to imagine how much time went into researching and outlining this city and world, because it is unique and beautifully developed. This chapter is written with a perfect balance of description and action, leaving me with a vivid image of what is happening yet not feeling as though I have to sit through a info bomb. I'm astounded by the talent of the writers working on this book and I hope you finish it and publish it someday. I would be the first to buy it!!

Wonderful job,
Mordax

User avatar
SpiritedWolfe
Review
SpiritedWolfe wrote a review Review · Feb 10, 2021

Hello again!

I think this has been one of my favorite sections so far! I also really like Paimon. Throughout this section, she was really well characterized, and I'm very intrigued on what her history is, her relation to this rune that she is continuing to avoid, and her eventual connection to the other characters through the bells. So far, Tyri and Railyn had kind of "significant" event that coincided with the bells, but Paimon just saw this special rune again, which does not seem to be a new occurrence. What does it all mean?

I have just a few small notes as I was reading.

Paimon swiped her necessities off of the table and stashed them in her belt. Many of the coins were left on the table, to which she made a dismissive gesture.


I'm not entirely sure what "necessities" is referring to. I had to reread a bit to figure out if she was taking her goods back (which didn't make much sense, but there wasn't mention of the apothecary taking them either), or trying to take only part of the money? Only the money that was necessary? It's just an odd way of phrasing that. I did like this detail, as Paimon refused to acknowledge that her deed was done out of goodness -- and maybe it was partially selfishly motivated haha, but it was a good accent to her character.

Also, echoing most other reviews, I loved the conversation between Mogul and Paimon. It flowed really well, it showed some of the contrasting views even if they work in slightly similar veins (one a conman and the other a dealer), and was just overall easy to read! I enjoyed it a lot.

“The heavy toll exacts a trial of forgiveness.”


This line stood out to me. It was pretty obvious before that while the two were quarrelling a bit, they were still mocking and playful with one another, but this feels like a different turn. Is this supposed to be an intentional, ominous omen that coincides with the tolling of the bells? Or is this still supposed to be the playful banter from before? It's unclear to me.

Having reread this section, I can see later on that you have some hints that this was more serious than the earlier parts (which is great!), but there is so much time between the hint and the confirmation, that the first time I read through this I'd actually forgotten about this comment entirely and was a bit confused about why Paimon brought up the toll of the bells. Maybe just a tad bit more emphasis earlier would alleviate that?

I would also like to echo ShadowVyper's thought about blue cough, because I'm not sure if this is meant to be a fictional ailment or actually based off the plague, but I'm surprised Paimon wasn't more worried about catching it from this man? Or thinking about it at all, so I wish there was many a bit more detail about this, either from a stray thought or maybe a mention from the apothecary.

There wasn't much else for me to say! I thought your descriptions were great, the pacing felt good, the writing flowed very easily and it was very easy to read. There's a lot of set up here, and I'm still interested in knowing what is going on and how they're all going to coincide! :) Only 2 more intros left!

Great job to you and happy writing ^^
~ Wolfe

User avatar
QuoolQuo
Review
QuoolQuo wrote a review Review · Feb 7, 2021

Ahoy hoy,

I'm here, finally.
School's started back up again and they have the indecency to give me homework. Nevertheless, it is my goal to keep up with this and write a review for each instalment, so this won't be the last of me.

1.

He huffed, sending his balding hair shooting up.


This line read a little strange to me and I found the action odd to visualise. Perhaps the words "shooting up" are a bit strong for the movement, would something like "ruffling" or "disturbing" work better? It's your storybook though, I'm merely a reader along for the ride offering the casual nit-picky suggestion :)

2.
“Thanks for supporting small business!”


Here, I believe you'd either need to add the particle 'a' before 'small business' or make the word 'businesses'.

3.
The apothecary’s shop was a dense, cluttered room, with sloppily labeled items decking the walls.


'labeled' would be 'labelled,' right? well in British-English that's how it goes.
(actually, I just did some research and it turns out there are different spellings of labeled - who knew!)

4.
Paimon enjoyed the molded-over atmosphere, the faint smell of potions forming a slow, eternal haze.


The figurative language here is stunning. The description describes exactly how I'd imagine an apothecary, especially with "moulded-over atmosphere,"

5.
...I’m burning every resource just to try and keep up.”


I'm confused. Is this literal burning? or more of 'burning through' their resources, as in using up quickly?

6.
“Before you lies ruin,” the hooded man said, wielding a glowing crystal ball. “Unimaginable sorrow, if you do not turn from your current path. This fate may be avoided with an offering of sustenance.”
Paimon sighed. “I’m not buying you lunch, Mogul. Though I do have enough to get something good for myself.”


I loved this exchange, it's great at demonstrating the relationship between the two characters.

7.
“You’re a horrible, horrible person, and fate is going to wallop you for it.” Mogul shook his head, readjusting the beard.


Please say Mogul comes back.

8.
Paimon shook her head in mock awe, looked down, and froze. There was a stone lying in front of her, the same color as the dirt. In fact, it was the dirt, formed of it in a perfect sphere. There was a rune printed onto it, glowing faintly in the daytime shade. And it was so familiar, this ghost of her past. The rune sphere had haunted her for eleven years. It would form out of a river stream, out of a cooking fire, or an oak log, and always with the rune facing her, the crossed slashes looking so much like an eye.


I'm enjoying how every character so far has got a pit of mystery to them, and unique mystery at that! This definitely make me want to stick around and see what happens because now I need answers - a lot of them.

9.
Mogul leaned his beard on his hand.


Again, like at the start, I'm having some trouble visualising this. Is he resting his head in his hands or something like that? It's a little confusing, but oh well it's only one line.

All in all, every chapter so far has been pretty good and I have no doubt that this will continue. Every character is set up to be interesting and I hope to catch up as soon as I can and see where this is all going.

Until we meet again, ciao

-Quool

User avatar
Riverlight
Review
Riverlight wrote a review Review · Feb 5, 2021

I'm back for more! c:

Pay-mahn? Just a guess :P

[quote]“You’re a horrible, horrible person, and fate is going to wallop you for it."[quote]
Just wanna say I loved this line specifically and it brightened my day c:

A stupid mood... Heh, I feel ya, Paimon, I feel ya.

Paimon is rather emotionless and very skewed towards a more structured fact-based mind with seemingly little room for empathy and sympathy. I was surprised she did much at all for the old man, to be honest. I feel bad for the poor Apothecary for some reason, though. XD

Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!!!

User avatar
MissGangamash
Review
MissGangamash wrote a review Review · Feb 2, 2021

Here again!

I like that all these chapters seem to be taking place at the same time and you are using the bells to show that. I'm guessing at some point all these characters are going to meet, which will be interesting.

What I noticed was a lack of emotional response in this chapter. It was very obvious in the part when the rune showed up. It seems important because it keeps showing up (which adds a good level of intrigue) but we don't really feel Paimon's reaction. You only show her physical reactions - freezing, and kicking the stone away. But I'm not sure how she's feeling. Is she scared? Is she confused? Is she tired of this thing following her? Maybe she looked down and her heart jolted? She felt panicky? Maybe her vision tunnelled? I don't know because I don't really know what she does feel at that moment. And then at the end she just picks it up like it's nothing.

If it's important, show us it is important. Especially if it keeps popping up we, as readers, need to know what to think and feel when it happens.

Hope this helps :D

User avatar
trashykawa
Review
trashykawa wrote a review Review · Jan 31, 2021

Hi, writers of Aether's Heart! Here to leave a review <3

So I haven't read the previous parts (eep!) but I did enjoy this chapter immensely, so I'm gonna go back to read the previous ones once I complete this review <3

I really, really liked Paimon. She's a character that's been excellently developed, and I absolutely love her personality. From her interaction with the apothecary alchemist to Mogul (dhaljfv I hope I spelled that correctly), we got to see many different sides of her, where she's playful, funny, considerate, and brave. The "loyalty" discount was an absolute favorite moment, and this is when she completely won me over. The fact that I was able to glean so much about her from such a short prose shows incredible storytelling, so well done on that!

I love the fantasy elements; as someone who has always had difficulty writing this genre, I admire those who are able to write such spectacular species <3 You have your acquaintances, prophesies, mc's that are smart and quick-tongued and earn money by doing odd jobs.

The mysteriousness is well played at the end, and makes sure that the reader will continue on with the story. A rune, a classic fantasy element, adds to the atmosphere of this stroybook, and makes the entire thing a little bit richer.

Anyway, I had an excellent time reading and reviewing this! If my brain permits, I'll probably go review the other chpaters, but till then, thank you for the excellent read! I'll be looking forward to the updates!

User avatar
Shady
Review
Shady wrote a review Review · Jan 31, 2021

Omnom! Chaser? (et. al?)

I've heard you talk about Aether's Heart so much and I'm excited to finally get to read a snippet from it! Let's jump right in...

Paimon took a fistful of leaves from her pocket and scattered them onto the table.
...
He daintily picked up each leaf, examining the reddish-orange glow from the veins.


Okay, this might be a bit too nitpicky, but this read really odd to me. The "fistful of leaves" makes it sound like she's being really rough with these things. In fact, I first read this to mean actual like tree leaves, and was imagining that they were crumpled and breaking from her being rough with them.

And then you move onto the dude (I can't spell his title and too lazy to scroll up, sorry) being so careful with them and "daintily" picking each one up. And I get he'll be more careful because he's not the one who owns them, yet. But it just seems really weird even then that she's being so careless when from his behavior it sounds like they should be treated carefully. At least, if that's just the characterization, I'd like to see more consequences like him sighing that they were broken now or something.

Syna was not a place that woke lightly, and people were already beginning to head off to work, a rising tide of laborers and artisans.


I don't understand what waking lightly is? Did you mean like "woke late" or something like that? That seems to be the vibes of what I'm getting from the rest of the sentence, but this expression doesn't make sense to me.

She needed a-


Bong. Bong, Bong. Bong, Bong.


Ahahah, well done ;)

~ ~ ~

Okay!

So, some big questions I have coming away from the chapter is, obviously, what this ghost-rune-thing is supposed to be, but I think you set this mystery up nicely for us to read on and want to know what happens next with Paimon's story. There was just enough intrigue to catch my curiosity but not too much so that it would frustrate me.

The other big question I have is, is she immune to bluecough? And if she isn't, then why is she being so nonchalant about him touching her? You're supposed to avoid people with the plague, which surely she knows, so why isn't she trying to get away from him? If she's immune somehow then I'd like to see a bit more about that now because right now it feels like a little tiny bit of a plot hole and I'd like to know how that hole is filled.

Overall, though, really great work! I really enjoyed reading about this and I think you set this up really nicely to make me want to read on and know what happens.

Hope this helped!

~Shady

Also, I know I'm old, but the number of Schadenfreude and Fahrvergnügen that get used get tallied so here are my words, for the cause ;)

User avatar
DreamyAlice
Comment
DreamyAlice commented Comment · Jan 31, 2021

A very well written storybook. All the punctuations are correct and there are no grammatical mistakes as far as I can see.



I took a deep breath and listened to the old brag of my heart; I am, I am, I am.
— Sylvia Plath