z

Young Writers Society


16+

Aether's Heart 9.1

by Omni, AlyTheBookworm, Chaser, ScarlettFire, soundofmind


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Written by Vincian

80 Days B.N.D.

"Okay, breathe, breathe." Railyn muttered, pacing in the tiny space that was available in the headquarters. "You're totally fine! You are... totally fine!"

The tiny dragon's tail flicked off a piece of what was actually an egg --its egg!-- and yawned, revealing its long, forked tongue, and tiny, sharp, teeth in long lines. Its ears flicked and it turned around, charging and chomping at an eggshell piece, swallowing it whole.

Railyn shook his head. "Stop getting distracted by the dragon that just hatched but it's okay. We need to go..." He raised his hands, and gasped in shock. They were no longer puffy and swollen, but what looked like burnt, etched down his forearms to almost his elbows. He traces the darkened lines, which had some kind of rhyme and reason to them that he couldn't quite understand. They didn't hurt, but they were overly sensitive; as he moved his arms around he could almost feel the air parting around him. "Okay, this is fine. This is... fine. This is totally crazy!"

The dragon tilted its head at Railyn and chirped at him.

"I... I don't even know what you're saying, if you're saying anything."

The dragon whined softly. It waddled to the edge of the table and pawed at Railyn.

"I would've never thought dragons could be cute." Railyn said. "You are adorable, but I--- I need to get out of here." Railyn bent down and picked up Ryun's scarf. It, too, changed, with markings all over it. He spun it and wrapped it around his neck. Railyn headed towards the entrance of his and Ryun's secret base, but stopped. He turned around, somewhat awkwardly, to the dragon, who was still sitting at the edge of the table patiently, its head crooked and its pale red eyes staring intently at Railyn. "Just, stay, okay?" He lowered his voice while rubbing his temples, "I'll have to figure out what to do with you later."

Railyn quickly ducked out before he could be swayed by the dragon's pining. With full use of his hands again, he could maneuver far better through the cramped cracks and crawlways than before. He wondered what happened to those Baron Guards who were chasing him. Well, he thought, he would find out soon.

The walkways widened out and Railyn slowed down, catching his breath. He focused on paying attention to any noise coming from the pavilion. He heard nothing, but he still wasn't convinced.

He rounded a corner and saw movement coming from the pavilion and backed up suddenly. His ankles hit something and he looked down to see pale red eyes careening up at him. The tiny dragon chirped at him and pawed at his leg. He groaned, his head splitting suddenly. "You-- go back to your shell."

The dragon barked at him, a light but loud noise. "No, no, shhhhh." Railyn bent down, turning back to the pavilion. Thankfully, nothing came close to them. "I can't just have you following me into Yse, little buddy. You'll get capture immediately." The dragon just blinked at him. Railyn groaned. He pointed back they way they came from. "You need to go back." It sat its hind legs down, in seeming stubbornness. "What am I going to do with you?" Railyn muttered. The dragon, resolute in its stubbornness, waddled up to him and climbed up his leg, scratching his bare skin ever so gently as it reached his stomach. Railyn wanted to tell the dragon to stop, wanted to pick it up and march it back to the secret base, but honestly he didn't know if he could touch the baby dragon. Part of him thought something ludicrous like he would get smote from the heavens if he laid a finger on it.

So, he let the dragon find its way to his scarf, hanging loosely around his neck, and climb its way into its folds. It fit in there snugly, and it was surprisingly light for something so large. It fumbled around in his scarf, making itself comfortable, before looking up at Railyn with its large, inquisitive eyes. It was like it was telling him "Okay, I'm ready."

Railyn sighed, hiding a smile. "Fine, I suppose that works." He looked up, no longer distracted by the dragon. He felt his headache coming back in full force. Perhaps it was a side effect of the spell. "I need to get you out of Yse, buddy. You'll get smothered here." He inched out into the pavilion. "We all get smothered here."

The aftermath of the Great Rebellion was evident everywhere in the open square. Rubble were strewn about all over the place, at some areas it being larger than Railyn himself. Burning piles of debris still lingered, and smoke smothered the ceiling. From what Railyn could see, the breakthrough of the upper tier had already been sealed. When the Barons wanted things done, they were efficient and ruthless, and quick to leave no trail or evidence. Other than that, there was no Baron Guards to be seen; they must have dispersed quickly afterwards. Railyn always wondered why these rebellions happened. He would never find out though, because the Barons left no witnesses.

Except, of course, him.

Again.

Boy, he really needed to get out of Yse.

He glance down at the baby dragon nestled up to his chest. "Don't worry, buddy, you're gonna get out of here and I'm gonna find your parents... or something." He wrapped up a portion of the scarf to hide the dragon from anyone's vision. Unfortunately, that included his own.

He followed the long maze back down to the normal reaches of civilization in the Middle Tier of Yse. So far, everything seemed normal enough; there were no Baron Guards to be seen, which seemed like cruel irony to the unusual amount he encountered getting up to the hiding place. Of course, when he had a literal dragon, no one cared. However, when he reached one of the main channels within the city, he realized that the spell had kept him out longer than he realized; it was the beginning of the next day, which means work had started and he was late. If any other signs were urging him to leave the city, this was just the gem on top to seal the mine shut. The Baron Guards would have no doubt searched his home and realized he wasn't there and he would be slated as a Grand Rebel, sentenced to immediate death on sight.

Railyn used a back sleeve of his scarf to cover the top of his head. The dragon chirruped in his folds, and he shushed it gently. "It's all right, we're just gonna have to be a little more careful. By the way, I'm gonna need to get you a name, aren't I?"

The dragon purred its assent.

Railyn stepped out into the crowd.

Instantly, the sea of bodies swept him down its current, moving him further from his house. He shoved his way through the thicket onto the other makeshift lane that directed back to his home. He kept his head low --a surprisingly hard thing to do for someone his height, but at least his mess of hair was kept tucked underneath his scarf-- and tried to take up as little room as possible as he swerved through the slow moving crowd. He caught glimpses of conversations that were mostly meaningless. People had the same insufferable problems as he did in the city where nothing happens and no one comes and goes. Even in the prison hold of Yse, one of the only things that surfaced and wiggled its way through the thick walls were rumors, and those spread like wildfire.

"Did you hear that bluecough is spreading through Asturia?" A large lady blocked the flow of traffic Railyn was trying to maneuver, as she half shouted, half spoke to the man on her right.

He shook his head vehemently. "I heard that it was spreading all the way into Synua, and that the Magic Council are very concerned about how fast it will spread if they can't use magic to stop it."

"Hmmph, serves that council right, those filthy River Bleeders." She spat on the ground in front of her. "They'll spread whatever nasty rumor they can about Synua before they'll do anything to help. You shouldn't believe anything that come from their mouths."

The man scoffed. "Did you hear about Arryn's old cousin? The one who fell through the cracks..." Railyn's focus broke from their particular conversation, as intriguing as it was, as he saw Baron Guards filing into the crowd of people. Only they could get the traffic to move any considerable amount, like an apex predator lackadaisically flowing against the current of prey, waiting for the right moment to strike on an unsuspecting victim. One move, and the prey finds itself singled out, alone... bait, for the rest of the prey to survive. This stuff happens naturally, Railyn thought, almost subconsciously. He saw fish in the clear crystal waters do so, in order to survive. He rubbed his temple. He couldn't risk pushing past the noisy pair in front of him; that would cause too much commotion and attract attention to him. Better yet he just wait this one out.

The chatterboxes neared the Baron Guards, who were of course walking in between the flows of people. A couple of them had stopped people from the crowd to check identification. Two more were looking his way. He had to think fast. There was no cracks for him to leave the flow, and he would be fairly obvious if any of those Guards had seen him at the Grand Rebellion.

The Grand Rebellion...

Railyn tapped the shoulder of the gossip in front of him. Before she could acknowledge the obvious breach of her personal space --an absolute ironic thought-- Railyn put his head close to hers. "I just hate how these Baron Guards are trying to find Grand Rebels just by picking people out of a crowd." He paused, and then added. "It's despicable," to top it off.

The woman look affronted for a moment, and his heart caught in his throat, pounding against his Aether's Apple.

"Exactly!" She exclaimed.

The bait has been thrown. Now he waited.

"The people going to work on time, doing their due diligence? Those are not your Rebels, Baronness. Like, would I rebel? No! You wouldn't, even poor Adam over here," the lady prodded the man next to her, "he probably would but doesn't have the brains to do so, poor thing."

Railyn nodded enthusiastically. "It's a smokescreen, I tell you." They were nearing the Baron Guards, and he could see her getting excited, inching closer and closer to the trap.

She huffed. ā€œI know. And look at those poor things. Why, Iā€”ā€

Hook, line, and sinker.

The robust woman clambered over to Baron Guards, shouting nonsense at them. The man, Adam, trailed behind her, trying to calm her down, but it was too late, she was causing a scene that halted all progress the Baron Guards were trying to make. Railyn slipped past them, without a glance back.

His headache wasn't a problem anymore as he hurried past the blockage. His chest hurt from the pain of lying to that lady and her friend. She was the one who took the sacrifice for him. She probably didn't even know what would happen to her now that she had the audacity to confront not one, but multiple Baron Guards, spurred on by a nobody who was long gone. Doubtless she would never be heard from again by those who called her friend or, even worse, family. His heart fell to his stomach. He knew too well the repercussions of being too noticeable.

But none of that mattered anymore. If he was caught, he would be killed, no matter who he dragged down with him. All that mattered, he thought as he broke off from the mainstream, was getting out of Yse. He didn't, no, couldn't, think about himself anymore, because the tiny, cold yet warm being in the folds of his scarf depended on him... even if he would get smote by touching it or something.

Railyn took the heft trek up several flights of rickety stairs to his cramped home. As he rounded the corner to his end of the hall, he stopped and reversed quickly, cowering behind the corner. After a moment, when his breathing had calmed down, he glanced back at his destroyed front door.

Honestly, he had heard stories about how Baron Guards came in the middle of the night, but he shrugged them off as just that: stories. But, seeing the battered shards of mildewed wood sent him spiraling. No, it was no matter. He was leaving anyway. It was better that they came through first, so he had a bit of time to pack what he needed.

He pushed through his anxiety and walked into his home, not stopping at the door, not giving much of a thought to the ransacked condition of his place. He wasn't a very sentimental person, anyway. He grabbed a sack and shoved a few pieces of clothing in. He scanned his bedroom for one of the only things he truly kept for memories' sake: a small wooden contraption that clacked when you spun it on the top and the bottom. It was a child's toy, but it was given to him, so long ago, by Ryun. It was supposed to represent the duality of metal and earth, or so Ryun told him long ago. If you spun it fast enough, both sides would spin in sync. Railyn often used it to calm his nerves.

He flung open the cabinets by his bed. Not there. He threw open his closet, searching through the various knick knacks he kept in there. Nothing. He noticed something underneath the bed. Scrambling to the floor, he peered down... and there it was. Not where he had left it, but, nothing was where he left it. He picked it up.

It was broken.

Almost perfectly, it had split, with the top half in his hand, and the bottom half... gone. He checked the underside of his bed again. There was nothing down there. Exasperated, he struggled to his feet. He couldn't waste anymore time searching for the rest.


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Sat Sep 11, 2021 5:12 pm
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mordax wrote a review...



Hey there, Mordax here with a review!

First off, I love how much Railyn talks to himself. Incredibly relatable and provides a good balance of comic relief. We get a good insight into his head through this dialogue in a way that makes sense and is entertaining. The only thing I have to mention about the intro to this chapter in regards to Railyn's character and development is that we see his shock with the dragon and how his hands are not wounded, but beyond that, we don't see any of his thought processes. To us readers, he went from a normal day in the mines to being declared a savior of this land, to then back home with a dragon. What are his thoughts to this complete change from his routine? Why is he so ready to leave his hideout and return when it is clear he hasn't fully comprehended what is going on? Does he have some tight schedule he is on and following it can keep his mind occupied? Whatever the case, his sudden bolting from this hideout and subsequent interaction with the dragon felt misplaced after everything he has just experienced.

It sat its hind legs down, in seeming stubbornness.

Here, the comma is not needed. Also, instead of implying the dragon's stubbornness, I suggest showing it more. Perhaps instead of sitting, the dragon "plopped", then maybe it sighed. Something like that so we see the image of this personality rather than being told it.

to his scarf, hanging loosely around his neck, and climb its way

Here, the correct grammar would be "to his scarf hanging loosely around his neck, and climbed its way..."

Rubble were strewn

"Rubble was strewn"

Even in the prison hold of Yse, one of the only things that surfaced and wiggled its way through the thick walls were rumors, and those spread like wildfire

I loveee this line!! It's beautifully written and interesting!

I really love how Railyn manipulated that one woman to get away from the eyes of the guards. It really showcased how he is actually quite clever and while he might wish to be away from Yse, he know how to survive there.

The last few chapters where he is gathering the things from his home felt a bit rushed. You convey his shock and horror over his house having been ransacked, but he gets over it just as quickly, settling with the fact that his home has been destroyed. Even if he plans on leaving, having such a private place as your home being ransacked is an invasion that I don't believe one could settle so easily with. Having said that, if he is not that attached to his home, he is attached to that one toy Ryun had given him, and when he finds it destroyed, that is another thing he seems to dismiss. I suggest pushing the struggle that going through his destroyed home was. What memories replayed as he viewed his belongings? What thought process did he have to try to battle his emotions and focus on his task?

Overall, great chapter! I loved getting another peek into Railyn's character, and I am so intrigued by this Yse city he is from. It sounds incredibly unique in both location, set-up, politics, and class system. It is giving me strong feudal system vibes.

I enjoyed reading this chapter and see you in the next one!

Mordax




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Sat Sep 11, 2021 2:54 pm
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MissGangamash wrote a review...



Hello again! Here to review!

'He traces the darkened lines,' - 'traced' past tense.

'he looked down to see pale red eyes careening up at him.' - 'careening' doesn't make sense here.

'and it was surprisingly light for something so large.' - I get that you mean it's light for it's size but it seems weird to call it large when you've been referring to the dragon and 'tiny' previously. So maybe switch this sentence up a bit to make it clearer.

'Rubble were strewn about all over the place, at some areas it being larger than Railyn himself.' - this sentence is awkward. 'Rubble was strewn about everywhere, in some areas there were chunks larger than Railyn himself' or something like that, maybe?

'He glance down at the baby dragon' - he glanced down.

'which means work had started and he was late.' - which meant.

'The woman look affronted for a moment,' - the woman looked affronted.

Okay, I've finished!

The scene of him weaving through the crowd was well done. I liked the comparison to predators/prey and fish. I think maybe a little description of the guards would have helped, and how they contrasted to everyone else.

The last few paragraphs lacked bite for me. I think I've mentioned before how the emotion seems quite lacking. There is a lot of telling rather than showing. 'Sent him spiralling', 'pushed through his anxiety' - what do these things actually feel like?

The part where he runs to his door then backtracks could have been much more descriptive. This is a moment he truly knows he is not safe. He can't even go home anymore. When he's cowering behind the corner, maybe his heartbeat is thudding painfully in his ears adding his his headache, maybe he looses his balance a little (you mention him spiralling, this would add to that.) And then you mention that this little toy is the only thing that means anything to him and he finds it broken... and he has no reaction?

'Exasperated, he struggled to his feet' - okay, this is something. Is he feeling hopeless now? Is he giving up? Is sad that the toy is broken or is he thinking 'well, of course it is. Everything else in my life is broken'? Just a little something extra is needed to give this scene some ummph.

Hope this helps :D





Live your life how you want, but don't confuse drama with happiness.
— Ron, Parks & Rec