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Young Writers Society


16+

Aether's Heart 2

by Omni, AlyTheBookworm, Chaser, ScarlettFire, soundofmind


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Written by AlytheBookworm

80 Days B.N.D

Tyri leaned against her staff and took in her surroundings. Though she couldn’t see the crowds, the buzz of life around her was almost palpable. Shouts, laughter, song, conversation, the rustle of clothing and the clinking of buckles, weapons, and jewelry as people passed by… The mingling smells of leather, smoke, spices, and metal… The city of Yse was full of life, and Tyri drank it all in.

Until someone barreled past her, almost knocking her down.

“Out of the way!” the man barked.

Tyri righted herself, using her staff to regain her balance. Whoops. Well, that was my fault. Probably shouldn’t be standing here gawking in the middle of a busy street.

A blind girl, obviously on her own and new to the city, standing awestruck and gaping at her surroundings like an idiot…

Tyri berated herself for drawing attention and put her head down, hefting her pack and starting down the street again. The last thing she needed was for a cutpurse to decide she’d make an easy target. She’d gotten herself into trouble multiple times over the past few months due to similar blunders and didn’t intend to make the same mistake again.

As she walked, she awakened her Primal Sense, bringing to mind the hours upon hours spent training with her mother in Syna. With a little concentration, she began to sense the people, buildings, and objects around her in her mind. Fuzzy, faceless figures moved through her sphere of “sight”, cloaks trailing behind them like mist.

Using the ability, Tyri wove her way through the crowd.

Primal Sense, her mother had said. It’s a form of magic unlike anything you’ve used in the past. It’s not like the spellcasting you’re familiar with… For one, it’s much more dangerous. It’s difficult to master and even more difficult to teach, but if you’re willing to learn I will train you.

The skill was a poor substitute for sight, but it had allowed Tyri to pursue her dream of travelling Synilas. And, at the moment, it kept her from bumping into buildings and making a fool of herself.

As Tyri walked, her focus wavered. Craning her head to listen to interesting sounds or catch the scent of baking bread, she found herself eager to explore. The mining capital of Yse and its three tiers had always fascinated Tyri, and now the writings scrawled in the tea-stained pages of her history books had come to life and stood before her.

But first things first. It’ll be night soon. I should look for an inn.

She approached a stall on the side of the street, intending to ask for directions.

“Excuse me?”

She sensed movement behind the stall, and the vendor appeared moments later.

“Ah! A customer!” he said cheerfully. “Good evening traveler! How can I help you? We offer all kinds of magical artifacts.”

"Actually, I-“

“How about this amulet? It’s inscribed with a rune for protection against jinxes. Try it on, I insist!”

Before Tyri could reply, the object was pushed into her hand. As it touched her bare skin, she suddenly felt… something. A warmth, emanating from the amulet. Looking down, she nearly dropped it in shock. She could see the rune. There, in the emptiness that had surrounded her since the day she’d lost her sight three years ago, were the lines and curves of a magic rune, glowing a brilliant white.

What is this magic that allows me to see?

The tolling of distant bells pulled her from her surprise, and she quickly handed the glowing amulet back.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t intending to buy anything. I just wanted to ask-”

As she lifted her head, she recoiled in shock once again. The vendor was shrouded in a glowing aura. Unlike with Primal Sense, which provided something that was more a fuzzy sensation than real sight, she now clearly saw the vendor’s outline directly in front of her.

Tyri glanced around and found that the street was now crowded with glowing figures. An old man and his granddaughter browsed the stall to her right, and she noticed that while the man’s aura was faint, the child’s was stronger and brighter even than that of the rune.

Tyri rubbed her eyes and slowly uncovered them. The visions were gone. They had disappeared as quickly as they’d come, and the world had become shadowy and indistinct once more.

“Miss? You alright?”

The vendor’s voice called from behind her, and Tyri realized she’d stepped out into the street.

“Y-yes. I’m fine, thank-you.”

She turned back to the man, tightly gripping her staff.

“Sir, could I hold that amulet again?”

He held out the amulet and dropped it in her open hand. She turned it over in her hands, feeling the smooth surface, the grooves of the rune carved into it, and its weight in her palm. Rubbing her eyes with one hand, she clutched the amulet in the other.

When it was clear the phenomenon wouldn’t repeat itself, Tyri returned the amulet.

“Did you hear those bells?”

“Bells?” The man sounded confused.

“I… I heard bells tolling,” Tyri said, feeling shaken. “They were distant, but loud.”

“Eh, I heard nothing. But what about the amulet? Do you like it?”

“I’m sorry. It’s nice, but I don’t think I could afford it.”

The vendor’s tone of voice abruptly switched from friendly to annoyed. “Then don’t waste my time with pointless question! Bells… Ugh.”

Tyri left the stall and asked another street vendor selling fruit for directions to the nearest inn. After thanking the woman, she hurried down the street.

She arrived at the inn and paid for a room. After eating a bland meal of bread and soup, she headed upstairs to her room, locked the door, and laid down on the narrow pallet. She finally let her focus slip, and the fuzzy sensations of Primal Sense faded away, leaving her in an empty void without light or even darkness.

As Tyri drifted off to sleep, the odd experience replayed in her mind, vivid and bright. She’d been so surprised in that moment that she hadn’t noticed until now how beautiful the vision had been.


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767 Reviews


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Mon Feb 08, 2021 4:43 am
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SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...



Hello! I'm back for the next part :)

I'd like to echo what a lot of people said about the descriptions, because I thought they were especially well done. I love that you effectively distinguish between Tyri's senses when she is completely blind, when she is using her Primal Sense, and when she is able to actually see snippets of things after the bells tolled. The first one is great because you can rely on the other senses to build the images, and I wish that element would stay through the rest of the chapter. There's a couple mentions in the beginning after she uses Primal Sense, but you could easily use it to add to the scene in the inn or otherwise.

Once Primal Sense was introduced, it had me wondering why Tyri was simply standing in the middle of the street without it. I understand that she wanted to take in her surroundings using her senses, but it seems like she had to use it to get to where she was standing, and then later she used the phrase "she awakened her Primal Sense" implying that she hadn't used it for a bit? It seemed a little bit out of order to me. It likely wouldn't hurt mentioning Primal Sense sooner, like a backtrack of justification for why she was just standing in the middle of the crowded street without it, and then later introducing it to us.

Also, mordax had a good point about a bit of confusion surrounding Tyri's blindness. Of course, I totally understand that there is more to discover about that, but it feels like it would make more sense to describe that Tyri had not always been blind when talking about her mother teaching her Primal Sense. It didn't make a lot of sense to me that her mother was saying "this is different than other magic you've used" because if Tyri was always blind, why wouldn't she learn this first before other magic? Maybe mentioning the line about not having seen for three years in that section?

I enjoyed seeing the bells being brought up again! It definitely seems like an important event, because it was well emphasized in the first chapter Railyn, and I liked that it was echoed here as a good thread to connect the two characters. Something that will certainly come back again later :) The only thing is that I just about missed the section where the bells were mentioned, so I had to go back and reread the earlier sections to see that there had in fact been bells.

I'm really interested in reading more about Tyri and her backstory! I'm interested in the magic of this universe and what it means. And I'm most of all interested in how all of these character and elements come together, and why they're all important. There's a lot to uncover, and I just wish there was a bit more between each chapter so that we could actually get a grasp on something that's going on.

I look forward to the next part! Happy writing ^^
~ Wolfe




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Thu Feb 04, 2021 4:36 am
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Riverlight wrote a review...



I'm back for more! I can't wait to see what y'all have cooked up in this chapter/post.

Tyri is pronounced Ty-ree, right? I might have that wrong, it's always good to check :P And the city-- is that Ee-see? Yee-see? No idea ;-;

Oh, this was interesting! The blind becoming able to see... but Tyri saw something that had happened or has yet to happen... maybe. Still puzzling that out a bit! I definitely think that the amulet will come up again later and that it could be important to the plot/a subplot that surfaces later on.

Immediately a new form of magic has been brought up, Primal Sense. As a person that's read large amounts of the YWU club lore, I have a rough idea of what it is, but it'd be wise to include short descriptions as reminders/introductions to it so people don't have to dig through the club's forums.

I think it's really neat that this character is blind, and thus extra emphasis is put on other senses. It's written in a believable way, and I can't wait to read more tomorrow! c:

Have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!!!




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Fri Jan 08, 2021 7:33 pm
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mordax wrote a review...



Wow! First off, can I just say that I love this chapter. I already love Tyri's character, and I can't wait to see what imagery you can concoct without using sight.

I have very few suggestions, but here they are:

now the writings scrawled in the tea-stained pages of her history books had come to life and stood before her.

I realize later that she could in fact read given she was not always blind, but here, we don't know this, so when I read this part, I was extremely confused. I would suggest adding just a simple phrase such as "that she had once loved to read" or something so the reader isn't left puzzling over this portion before continuing.

and she noticed that while the man’s aura was faint

Here, as this is in Tyri's perspective, the part 'she noticed that' seems redundant, as if the observation is there, than it has to be Tyri's. If you remove that phrase, then the sentence will flow much smoother. Of course, that's only my opinion.

Besides this, I loved this chapter! I love the worldbuilding and I'm so excited for where this is going to go.

Marvelous work

mordax




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Fri Jan 08, 2021 7:05 am
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QuoolQuo wrote a review...



Ahoy hoy,

It's me again, ready for another exciting instalment!

1.

Shouts, laughter, song, conversation, the rustle of clothing and the clinking of buckles, weapons, and jewelry as people passed by… The mingling smells of leather, smoke, spices, and metal… The city of Yse was full of life, and Tyri drank it all in.


This is by far my favourite description in the story so far. To me, it perfectly captured the sense of the bustling and busy city and became 10 times more effective when it was later established that Tyri is blind.
Bonus points for being at the beginning of the chapter - it definitely drew me in.

2.
Primal Sense, her mother had said. It’s a form of magic unlike anything you’ve used in the past. It’s not like the spellcasting you’re familiar with… For one, it’s much more dangerous. It’s difficult to master and even more difficult to teach, but if you’re willing to learn I will train you.


I found the concept of the Primal Sense quite intriguing as well as being a unique idea for a form of magic, its introduction was also well executed. I hope it continues to appear later on.

3.
What is this magic that allows me to see?


Again with the intrigue. Please keep me updated for the next instalment.

And that's about it. There seemed to be no glaring problems with grammar that I could see, and it was overall a very well written piece with a very nice establishment of the character of Tyri.
I'm assuming the next few chapters are going to remain being introductions to the main characters, but this doesn't deter from the amount of worldbuilding and mystery so far woven into this story and I do hope this continues.
The only possible critique I could suggest for the these first two chapters is perhaps more descriptions of the characters? This however isn't a major problem as I'm sure they'll become more developed as the story continues.

So, until next time, au revoir

- Quool




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Thu Jan 07, 2021 9:56 pm
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MissGangamash wrote a review...



Hey! I'm back.

The writing is great, no criticisms there. Characters with some sort of disability are always fascinating to read so when it was mentioned that Tyri is blind, I was intrigued. I like that she is blind but also has a magic ability that does help her somewhat, but not completely - it reminds me of Toph and her earthbending haha.

I think this is probably more to do with the way this novel is constructed - with each chapter be a different POV and written by different people, but I think the introduction of the amulet was a bit quick. I think the reader needs to understand her abilities more and feel more grounded with them before you introduce something that alters them. If this happened later on, after already establishing Tyri's limitations and we had more time with her dealing with the way she has to navigate her way through life now she is blind, the amulet making her see better would be more of an 'oh wow' moment.

Overall, she seems like an interesting character. I'm intrigued as to what these bells are, and why only these two characters seem to have heard them.





There's a Brazilian things you could write about. You just gotta pick Juan.
— Hattable