This poem is filled with lies.
i wake up
to birds chirping
and sunlight streaming through my window
but it's not bright to me
because i don't think i remember how to enjoy these things.
i only remember how to lie.
how's your day going?
fine.
how are you today?
fine.
are you okay?
i'm fine.
I'm surrounded by questions
questions that i've grown accustomed to lying in answer to
questions that never quite reached my brain
did you eat?
yes.
are you hungry?
no.
what do you want for dinner?
i don't care.
My world is filled with lies.
my brain is like a jar
filled to the brim
and overflowing
until i can't express what i want anymore
why did you pass out?
i don't know.
why's there blood on your sheets?
it's only marker.
take off your coat! it's hot.
i'm cold.
Am I hurting myself?
no.
Am I telling the truth?
yes.
Am I lying to myself?
no.
Can I go on living much longer?
yes.
i'm okay.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
137,701 Literary Works • 672,063 Reviews
If I were to review this,
Lies would be the go-to words of eased feelings
It will please all to perform it effortlessly
Though the consequences tend to head towards steep falls
We don't forget about how to lie.
Just because we found sweetness in these lies of being "okay"
Or maybe not asking the right questions about our well-being prompts to lies
Probably the reason why the world is full of lies is why the ease to lie becomes the custom.
The moment doubt about the lies we tell ourselves surfaces, we ought to stop the lies.
This poem was a little too relatable...sadly that is.
I like how the flow of the poem (ig?) that continuous questioning gives us some insight.... like one side talks about our perspective the other depicts the cold front, the impregnable wall that we put up. Just like this poem, the same lies we keep telling.
You really like really captured that heavy feeling of... whatever this is. What do they even call this?
The dull feeling of the same thing we see everyday, which sometime in the past used to be "a beacon of hope" or a "light in the dark", it becomes smthg that js flicks away in a second.
The load of questions that you just want to get away from, the isolation that we unconventionally like, it remains the only comfort.
For writing critique, i am of no use but it is safe to say that poem truly indeed was thought provoking.
tyy (^^)
If I were to review this,
Lies would be the go-to words of eased feelings
It will please all to perform it effortlessly
Though the consequences tend to head towards steep falls
We don't forget about how to lie.
Just because we found sweetness in these lies of being "okay"
Or maybe not asking the right questions about our well-being prompts to lies
Probably the reason why the world is full of lies is why the ease to lie becomes the custom.
The moment doubt about the lies we tell ourselves surfaces, we ought to stop the lies.
Oh god. I am in no position to give an adequate review on this, mainly given the subject matter which I can relate to in parts but not fully, but this is a powerful poem you've written about the urge to lie in an attempt to, perhaps, not burden others with complex problems. I enjoyed the structure of this poem; it oscillated between the speaker's internal dialogue and the tedious questioning of others going about their day, and that disconnect is conveyed here well. The last 2 lines are especially powerful, since they contradict but also confirm the title of the poem; that the speaker is not okay, but thinks the way to cope is to tell lies, because they cannot predict what impact the truth would have on people. That was my interpretation of it anyhow. I know it isn't really my place but I hope you're doing somewhat okay, and you can always DM me if you need, for what it's worth.
Have a decent night <3