Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.
I'm not a girl
No matter how many
Thigh-highs I buy
Or...
Dog collars?
-
Who in their right mind would wear
A dog collar...
-
ANYWAY,
The point is
I'm not a girl.
-
I don't need your opinions, dad
Don't take this wrong,
I'm not really mad-
Oh wait-
I am.
-
"Why be transmasc,
If you're a femboy anyway?"
Well my dear,
-
I did not cross this sea to drown,
In monochrome and masculine frowns
I crossed to stand on solid ground,
Where skirts and scarves can both be found
-
What a silly question to ask
If you want the right of way
I fear
-
I enjoy feminine clothing
Sure, that much is true
But I swear to god
If I had the choice,
Take away my boobs.
-
God damn it.
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140,068 Literary Works • 672,978 Reviews
This hit home for me. People refuse to look past what the surface.
Sure, I wear dresses to the dances. But does that make me a girl?
In many people's eyes, yes it does.
This particular part really hit me. I understand this so much and it's so hard to put into words and I think you did it.
There are a couple spots where it does get a little awkward grammatically. But honestly, putting your thoughts down and keeping them grammatically correct is one of the hardest things for me.
Overall this is really really good and I love this.
Keep living and writing
MrytleJinn
I really like this poem and I think it brings to light some really needed topics. I completely understand the feeling of the feeling of no one calling you a man when you are one. People see what they want to see. None of these are new topics, but most of them are ones that don't get talked about. I appreciate the meaning and the feelings that went into this poem. Anyone who read it or has went through these things would see the meaning behind it, and I think it showed. I think that there are points where it did feel a little awkward, but talking can be awkward and the topics can be. I like how you put little sections to your thoughts in it. I really liked this. This was a good poem.
Thank you 😊
Hi NotReallyHuman! spottedpebble here with a review :D
First of all, I like the conversational tone this poem takes, like it's inviting the readers to listen to you speak out loud. Despite this, you manage to keep it from sounding too casual and are firm in stating who you are, making the poem a declaration instead of something to be questioned.
I love the way you explore identity and gender in this poem. You separate expression from gender identity really well and explain how the two don't need to line up how society stereotypically expects them to.
These lines demonstrate your point that wearing certain clothes does not mean someone is a certain gender. I like how you give concrete examples of traditionally feminine clothing here and later on in the poem when you mention skirts and scarves, while detaching these clothes from girlhood and claiming them as your own.
This stanza is absolutely phenomenal and flows so well! It has rhymes, repeated consonant and vowel sounds within the lines, themes of the sea vs solid ground, repetition of variations of "I did not cross..."/"I crossed..." This stanza is my favorite part of your poem. However, I found myself wishing the rest of the poem maintained the same rhythm/flow as these lines. Perhaps if the rest of the lines rhymed or if you used references to the sea vs solid ground theme throughout the entire poem it might flow a bit better.
I enjoyed reading this poem and having a brief look inside your mind. I love reading things that have to do with the complexities of gender and identity, and I especially love it when those pieces are all about challenging traditional gender norms. Keep writing about your thoughts and experiences! I look forward to reading more of your work! :)
Good morning!
So I actually really love this. It feels like I'm sitting in your brain, hearing your thoughts ricochet off one another and it feels so authentic and raw that I'm immediately pulled into your experience. So right off the bat, just want to acknowledge that! Very nice work.
Critique wise, I do think there's a couple of places where you could tighten up the writing to help the flow, so let's dig in.
Directing this poem directly to "dad" makes it a very different tone. You also call them "dear" later, and that feels a little weird. I don't know many children that call their father dear when they're speaking to them.I'm wondering if we remove the callout, does it keep the reader more engaged? I will say, of all your stanzas, I think this one could use the most work. It's very simple and comes across a little less intentional and interesting than the other pieces of the poem. In editing, I'd focus energy here.
Out of all of them, this is by far my favorite part. There's a rhythm to this stanza that none of the other ones have - but I think that's part of what makes it so beautiful. This poem, a collection of fragmented thoughts, shows that sometimes our thoughts are really messy and sometimes they feel like a melody, even from moment to moment. I really enjoyed that part!
Overall, excellent work, looking forward to seeing more from you!
I do have to say, I wasn't calling my dad dear, It was just a word to refer to people in general, and I said dad specifically because I dont have a great relationship with him. Thank you for the review!