Police Business

Hola,

But those times when I got caught sleeping, I picked the fruit wallpaper off the lime green walls.

Hey there, here to review.

The six[-]inch knife he had tried to stab me with lay next to him,

The boy looked at me, pure hatred etched across his face. He stuck out his index finger and slowly ran it across his own neck. I got the message. [This is just personal preference, but the throat-cutting gesture seems a little extreme. This boy just lost his father, so it doesn't feel like he should be put-together enough to make such an intentional threat. Maybe make it more of something she senses or sees in his face. An instinctive look that blatantly says he wants her dead. Just a suggestion, of course.]

I had a bachelor[']s degree in medical science

I simply sat in an ugly blue chair,

It was a good time to sleep. But those times when I got caught sleeping, I picked the fruit wallpaper off the lime green walls. The room looked like it was out taken out of someone's kitchen. [I really like this part, for some reason. It adds a little extra to the story, I think.]

I finally got to go to out to accidents. [I had to read this line a couple of times. 'got to go out to' is a very complicated and cumbersome bit. Consider changing it to something like 'They finally let me go out to accidents.' Just a suggestion, of course.]

I know that some people say they can look into your eyes and see straight to your soul, but if that’s true, Preston doesn’t have a soul. I can't see anything in those eyes. [This is my favorite bit of description! It sums him up perfectly, and really makes more of an impression.]

I yelled at him. [Just a suggestion, but you could probably lose this first bit. Her words, and the fact that she calls it an outburst, are sufficient to express the mood.] I felt kind of bad about the sudden outburst, but he wasn’t being too sympathetic about this whole thing.

I sighed and crossed my arms.

"We are on the scene for at least one hour"

"My first week on the job, I didn’t do anything. I simply sat in a ugly blue chair, in a conference room, listening to some guy tell me what my job was all about. It was a good time to sleep. But those times when I got caught sleeping, I picked the fruit wallpaper off the lime green walls. The room looked like it was out taken out of someones kitchen."

I don't understand this sentence--was she punished for sleeping by picking wallpaper off the walls? Also, better use "fruit-patterned" or "frutal" instead of fruit because it's a noun, not an adjective. Lime is more associated to color so it's okay, but "lime green" would be easier to read.

Thanks for the review, and I like the main character's moxie a lot. I think this convo with Preston works because of the difference in their personalities.

Hey, first thing, I liked it- a lot. Your descriptions made the characters seem real lively.

It had to be done. And I was the one who had done it.

I couldn’t believe it- He was dead- I had killed him. Some poor kid's father was now a cold, lifeless corpse lying in a puddle of his own crimson (I'd put the 'crimson' before 'puddle' instead) blood. The six inch knife he had tried to stab me with lay next to him, reflecting the sun off its spotless blade.

I continue to stare, my hands shaking(how did it suddenly become present). My gun was(and back to past- you need to choose one) still pointing at the man as if he would get back up any second. My breath came in short gasps and my vision went fuzzy. My legs turned to jello and(I'd replace 'and' with 'as') I fell backwards.

“There we go. Back up,” Preston, my partner, said as he caught me. He stood me back up and gripped my shoulders, turning me around. “Now you listen to me Nakia- you’re gonna get in that car, and I’m gonna drive you back to the station. Someone else is coming right now to deal with—this, okay?”

I nodded slightly. I heard sirens in the distance, and they were getting closer. I walked to the car, but something made me pause. Looking back at the man, I saw a young boy running over to him. He knelt down next to the man and wailed, throwing his head to the heavens. He cried and hugged the man, running his hand through the dirty blond hair.
The boy looked at me, pure hatred etched across his face; He stuck out his index finger and slowly ran it across his own neck. I got the message.

He wanted me dead.

Making sure Preston couldn't see me, I made eye contact with the boy and mouthed, “I’ll be back, Soon.”
The boy’s green eyes shot daggers back at me and his red hair seemed to be on fire. He shook his head and repeated the message he had given me earlier.

“Nakia,” Preston yelled, making me jump. “Get in to the damn car, now!”

I couldn’t delay any longer- I had to get back to the station, file the report, and live with the fact I killed some man I didn't even know. I didn't care that he tried to kill me, it still didn't seem right. I climbed into the cop car and sat in silence, thinking about what I had gotten myself into.

It was my third year out of college- I had a bachelors degree in medical science and what did I do with it? Nothing, Absolutely nothing- I decided to go to the police academy and become a police officer.

On my first week on the job, I didn’t do anything; I simply sat in a ugly blue chair in a conference room, listening to some guy telling me what my job was all about- It was a good time to sleep- But those times when I got caught sleeping, I picked the fruit wallpaper off the lime green walls. The room looked like it was out taken out of someones kitchen.(I didn't Understand the part after 'sleep-' and forth)

After my 'training'- as they called it- was over, I finally got to go to out to accidents.
Let me tell you, accidents are a police officer’s nightmare. Trust me, it’s not fun- We are on the scene for at least on hour, no matter how bad the accident was. And all we really do is filling out paperwork.

But after about a month- and stacks of paperwork- I was finally able to do other police business; Like the drug dealer we had just hunted down.

Preston was my partner- as all new officers had a partner to ride around with- He was a tough man who didn't take shit from anyone.
His long black hair was always pulled back in a ponytail; His black eyes were menacing- I know that some people say they can look into your eyes and see straight to your soul, but if that’s true, Preston didn’t have a soul. I couldn't see anything in those eyes.

“Hey, Nakia,” he said, pulling me out of my thoughts. “How’d it feel to kill your first citizen?”

“Why are you making this a fucking joke, Preston?!” I yelled at him.
I felt kind of bad about the sudden outburst- but he wasn’t being too sympathetic about this whole thing.

“Calm down, sweet-heart, it’s not such a big deal- This happens all the time- It’s just police business.”

“What?! You guys go out there thinking you’re going to kill someone?!” I kept glancing from him- to the road signs- trying to remember how to get back. I was coming back, I had to explain to the poor kid why his father was dead.
No that he would understand- but I was going to try.

“No, but it’s all part of our job, Nakia.” Preston said. We rode in silence for a couple minutes before I spoke up.
“I’m going back there, Tonight.”

“No.” Preston said firmly.

“And why not?”

“’Cause I said so; And as my partner, you have to listen to me,” he said. “You’re just gonna make this thing a lot worse if you go back. Just stay at the station, got it?”

I sighed and crossed my arms. Turning away from my partner, I looked out the window, glaring at the scenery as it flew by.

I didn’t care about what Preston said- I was coming back. I felt sorry for what I did- and the man’s son needed to know why his father was dead.
I don’t care if the guy was a drug addict or not; No one deserves to lose their father.

made repairs

No one.