Burned 5.2

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I open my eyes and find myself at my desk in the back of the classroom. I blink a few times to clear my vision. The room is empty, the sun still shining bright through the windows. It can’t be that late. How long was I asleep?

I suddenly remember how upset Clemet was that I was late and I cringe. She hadn’t even looked my way when I walked in. Usually I wouldn’t mind, but this was an anger beyond anything I had seen from her. The silent treatment isn’t her style. When she didn’t yell or look my way at all, I was convinced I had done the unthinkable. I still think I did.

“About time you woke up.”

The sudden sound of the voice makes me jump. Looking around relaxes me though, as I see it’s only Will. He’s sitting beside me, head buried in my parents’ journal. The site makes my stomach churn.

“Why are you reading that?”

His head jerks up. I can see the confusion in his eyes. “Did you change your mind about letting me help you?”

“Of course not. I was just hoping that you’d ask me before you start diving into my past.” I grab the journal from him and slam it shut. When I agreed to let Will help me I had imagined us working together, reading through the entries at my pace. Knowing that he has been reading without me stings.

He apologizes, but holds out his hand anyway. “You might be interested in knowing that I was close to breaking part of the code.”

That gets my attention. “Really? What part?”

“I won’t know until you give it back.”

I sigh and hand it back to him. If he’s a step closer to figuring things out I guess I can forgive him for looking without my knowledge. There is so much written in there about my life that I don’t remember. I don’t want to miss any while Will is trying to help me understand it all.

Maybe there isn’t anything special about this journal. My parents could be friends with Caddarick and entrusted him with it until he thought I was ready to read it. It would’ve been too much for my brain years before because of the memory loss.

That has to be it. I’m worrying myself over nothing.

Just as I settle back into my chair, the classroom door squeaks open. I tense, expecting Clemet to walk through and reprimand me for still being in her classroom, but I melt into the back of my chair when I see it’s Kellar.

“Hey, Bryn.” He shuts the door carefully behind him and heads to where we are sitting. As he approaches I notice his hair slicked back in a straight line, the way his eyes light up as he meets mine. If only he had chosen to be an agent. We would’ve been around each other more often, gotten to know the other. All we have now is our relationship with Colton.

I bet Kellar wouldn’t have even been friends with Colton if they weren’t partners. We wouldn’t have had to worry about anyone being in our way. It would’ve been Bryn and Kellar, top of the class. No way Colton could’ve trumped both of us.

Will clears his throat. “You’re staring.”

I can feel the heat rising to my face. But when I look up at Kellar he still has that smile on his face, seemingly unfazed by anything stupid I might’ve done. He slides into the seat next to me and leans his elbows on my desk. “Merith said I could find you here. I heard about Clemet’s explosion when you were late.”

“There wasn’t any explosion,” I reply with confusion.

“Exactly.” That damn smile of his is still there. I can’t look away. “If Clemet doesn’t react you know something is wrong.”

“So why were you looking for me?” I desperately want to change the subject. The sooner I can forget about class the better. I’m not doing well to follow Caddarick’s orders.

Kellar’s smile fades and his look falters. I’m suddenly nervous. This doesn’t look like the charismatic Kellar I’ve come to know. What kind of bad news is he about to tell me?

“Well, I just wanted to ask you if—" He stops suddenly as the door swings open hard against the wall. Colton walks into the room, face red, and stalks toward us.

I roll my eyes. Of course he would be here too. And with that ridiculous look on his face. There’s something behind that look and I have a funny feeling the entire school is going to hear about it soon.

Kellar flashes me an apologetic look before getting up and meeting Colton half way.

I watch the two of them talk. With Colton’s scrunched face I can tell it’s important. Kellar’s back is to me, but I can see he’s not taking the news well, whatever it is. He’s fidgeting, shifting from side to side. I’ll ask him later what it’s about.

“Why did Kellar want to meet me?” I’m talking more to myself, but Will answers anyway.

“Why would I know? Ask him yourself.”

I shoot Will a look out of the corner of my eye. I can tell that he’s lying; lips pursed, eyes flashing at Kellar. Something must’ve happened between them. Will has always respected Kellar, working with him any chance they get. They’re not quite friends, but there’s definitely no hatred in their relationship.

The fire in Will’s eyes is scaring me. So I try to distract him, grabbing the journal back from under his nose. He doesn’t even flinch as I slide it onto my desk. What is up with him today?

The entry the journal is open to immediately pulls me in. My father wrote this one.

3.6.06 21:53

Grams says Bryn is ready for her first mission. Alice and I disagree. Bryn isn’t ready to step into the line of fire yet. She’s only eight for goodness sake! I wasn’t given a mission until I was fifteen. Even then I wasn’t ready for the pressure. How can I let my baby girl risk her life at such a fragile age? I might have to put my foot down with this one.

22:34

Alice talked to Grams. Ivan is going to be Bryn’s escort. I think I can be okay with this. Ivan has always been there, training Bryn though everything. He’ll keep her safe. As long as she doesn’t do anything stupid. Oh God.

I need to relax. Everyone’s kids go on missions, that’s how they become a part of the agency. I just never realized how big of a deal it was until it was my kid.

She’ll kill it. That I can be certain of.

I flip the page, curious to see how I did on this mission. But the page is blank. And the next. And the next. How can they be blank? There has to be more. I tear my way through the rest of the book until I reach the back cover. Everything is blank. There isn’t a single entry after this one.

“Strange isn’t it?” Will has pulled his attention away from Kellar.

I nod. “They only wrote in half the book.”

I want Will to argue with me, tell me that he knows something I don’t. But he doesn't have anything good to tell me. “I tried everything I know in case it’s invisible ink. Nothing. They just stopped writing.”

I guess that’s it, the end of the mysteries. If there isn’t anything in here past eight I won’t find any more memories. What a waste. Caddarick could’ve given me something more helpful. Now I’m just back to square one.

The tears are threatening to escape. Frustration is getting the best of me. I don’t need to be getting upset over something like this. And I’m not about to let Colton or Kellar see me like this.

Since when did I decide that this book was the end of all my problems? Reading a few stories about my childhood won’t change anything. My memories won’t come back. I’ll still be lost in the present.

Sometimes I wish there was more to my life.

“Fine. Don’t side with me.” Colton shoots daggers at Kellar before storming out of the room. Kellar’s tense shoulders relax. I’m waiting for him to leave, chase after Colton to make sure he’s okay, but Kellar doesn’t move.

Instead, he turns back to look at me. “Meet me at the exercise room after dinner. We need to talk.” And before I can respond he’s gone.

“Congrats. You’ve got yourself a date.” I can hear the sarcasm in Will’s voice and it sets me on edge.

I throw him my best glare. “It’s not a date. And why would you care? I can meet with anyone I want.”

“Sure.” Will grabs the journal back from me, refusing to respond to my comment. “You might be interested to know that I’ve found the word cardinal in here thirty-seven times.”

If he doesn’t want to talk about his problems, fine. I’ll bite. “In the entire journal?”

“Yup.”

“You read every single entry?”

“Yup.”

“So you now know more about my childhood than I do.”

“Yup.”

I don’t know what to say. The rush of anger I felt because of his sarcasm is replaced with an emotion I can’t describe. I feel like I’m not even here. My brain is full of fog forcing its way through the darkness. Nothing is clear.

I struggle to focus on Will. He’s flipping through the journal, focusing on the blank pages. I can see the intensity in his eyes. A surge of gratitude fights to overwhelm the clouds. I don’t think I’d get anything done without him.

A few minutes pass. The clouds have evaporated from my mind. As my vision of the world comes back into focus I notice Will isn’t looking at the journal any more. His head is tilted to the side, as if he’s straining to hear something. I try to listen too, but all I hear is the roar of the ocean.

“Something’s wrong.” Will jumps from the desk and pulls me behind him. I just manage to stuff the journal into my bag before it’s left in the back of the room for someone to find.

We rush out the door into a congested crowd. I recognize a lot of the kids to be first levels, a few second levels scattered among them. Will and I push through easily to reach the front.

The front now seems like more of a subjective term. There are more kids in front of us, creating something more of an opening in the crowd.

Standing in the middle is Colton. His face is red, his hands shaking by his side. Even from here I can see the thick line of sweat on his forehead and the way his face pales from the inside out. Someone needs to get him out of here.

I take a step toward him, but someone pulls me back. Looking over I see Kellar next to me. “Don’t start anything. I’m trying to get him to trust me.”

“Trust you? Aren’t you two partners?” Kellar is making just about as much sense as the scene in front of me.

Colton’s voice suddenly rips through the hallway. “Get away from her! She’s the one you have to look out for!”

I turn back to face him. His eyes are fiery when they meet mine and I can feel the hatred radiating off of him. His words echo in my mind. She’s the one you have to look out for! This isn’t the first time he’s said something like this, but it’s always been a joke before. He’s serious this time. This is real.

Someone needs to go to him, calm him down. Whatever this is that’s in his system needs to be treated before it takes hold of him completely. I’ve seen this before. Of course I can’t remember where, but I know what to do. I might be the only option, even though I know I’ll only upset him if I get closer.

I lean into Kellar and keep my voice low. “Watch my back. If he tries anything jump in to stop him. Please.”

“What are you going to do?” Kellar’s suspicious, I can tell.

“Colton isn’t in his right mind. We have to get him help. He might try and attack me though. I’m not going to stop it if he does. Just trust me. Watch my back.” I wait for Kellar to argue again, but he doesn’t say anything. So I start forward.

“Hey, calm down,” I call out to Colton, my hands raised in slight surrender. “We need to get you out of here.”

His eyes are growing crazy, getting wider by the second. I notice that he’s shaking. I couldn’t see that from farther away. The drug has already been in his system for too long.

He doesn’t say anything to me as I get closer. “Come on, Colton. We need to go.” For once just listen to me.

“I’m not going anywhere with you,” he says, his voice cracking. All of the color has drained from his face. “You’re the enemy.”

You’re the enemy.

Even as I catch Colton when he collapses, unconscious, his words stir something inside of me.