Young Writers Society

I had expected the hallways to be crowded, but the wheel is desolate. Only a few kids are lounging on the couches. I recognize one, a red haired girl with piercing black eyes, although I don't remember her name. When I pass by, she and her friend pause their conversation to give me strange looks. I can't place a single emotion on their faces. When I pause to look around I realize everyone else is giving me a similar look. It sends a chill down my spine. What do they know?

I pick up the pace and ignore my surroundings until I reach my dorm. All I need at this moment is a hug from Merith and one of her "honey it'll be okay" talks. She'll still be in class though so that will have to wait.

The last person I expect to see when I open my dorm door is Will. Before I can react, he wraps me in a hug. His grip is strong enough to keep me safe, but soft enough to be careful. I take a relaxed breath and lean my head against his chest.

"That was crap," he says. "I don't care if we lost. You killed it out there."

Just hearing those few words were enough to calm my anxiety ridden thoughts. Ever since the feed cut out during the test I've been worried sick about him. Even after Caddarick told me there was nothing to worry about a thousand possibilities flooded my thoughts. I wasn't about to let my guard down. Now I can finally let it be.

Suddenly the book Caddarick gave me is ripped from my grasp. I look around Will and find myself glaring at Merith. "That's mine."

"Oh, I'm sorry," she says with a smirk. "Can I look at this? Thank you so much." She turns and plops on the couch, promptly opening the book. I think about fighting her for it, but I decide not to. It's not worth it.

"Why aren't you in class?"

"Didn't feel like going," Merith calls over her shoulder.

Will reaches around me to shut the door I hadn't realized was open this whole time. After giving me a wink he heads over to look over Merith's shoulder at the book I'm not supposed to show anyone. I wonder how seriously I should take Caddarick's warning. I did tell Merith about the test after all. What's the harm in sharing the book with her too?

I want to join my friends, but I'd only be an annoyance. They're both so engrossed in the words on the pages. Why ruin the moment?

"What is this?" Merith asks.

I can only shrug in response. "Caddarick gave it to me. I haven't had time to actually look at it seeing as someone took it the moment I got here."

"Bryn." Will calls my name so softly that I'm terrified of the words that will follow. "Your parents wrote this."

I quickly grab the book from Merith and flip through the pages, my heart racing double time as my fingers grace each page. There are two kinds of handwriting, one belonging to my dad, the other my mom. She seems to have written more than my dad did. I barely stop to read anything, but I catch a few words here and there.

When I make it through to the end I can barely breathe. Clutching the book close to my chest I close my eyes. The last memories I have of my parents are from the age of four. Could this possibly be the missing link to regaining my memories?

Gathering all my energy, I open the journal again and begin to read.

09/16/98 05:37

They finally let us bring our baby home. Her name is Bryn. We named her after my aunt who was the ultimate protector, keeping us all safe. What better way to honor her memory? It's been three years since we lost her. Not enough time to cope with not having you around Aunt Bryn.

They kept us at the hospital for 4 days. Bryn was born a few weeks early and the doctors claimed she needed to be under strict observation. When I told them I'd rather bring her home with me they laughed at me. "You don't know how to take care of your baby yet. We're doctors. Let us do our job." Right. 12 years of med school, or however long it is I don't care, makes you so much smarter than me. If only they knew what I really do for a job. They wouldn't second guess me then. But I couldn't give up my cover, risk the chance of getting burned. Anyone could have been listening. In the end they took my baby girl from me and wouldn't let me even see her.

I fought for you every day Bryn. I didn't want to ever spend a day without holding you again.

By the time I read the last words my eyes are full of tears. I take a deep breath to try and calm myself, but it isn't working. My mom wrote this fifteen days after I was born. The story sounds familiar, but nothing certain comes to mind. She must've told me this when I was little. I know she told me this story before. But where? When? How?

It’s useless. My brain is dancing in circles trying to figure it out. The more I try to pry open my mind the less I see. Darkness, fuzzy images, blinding light. Nothing; I see nothing, know nothing, remember nothing. The details will always escape me.

Merith calls my name, asks me if I’m okay. I barely hear her. How do I explain seeing the edge of a memory? So I tell her I’m fine. “I do remember that story though.”

My friends are silent. Merith’s mouth hangs open while Will gives me a suspicious look. “Are you sure you’re not making yourself believe that?”

“I’m not,” I tell him. “This is a real memory. Well, almost. I remember the story, but it only came to me when I read it just now. My mom told me this story before. Who knows how many times.”

Merith is on her feet. “You need to record this! This is a breakthrough. One recovered memory. How does it feel?”

“I… I don’t know.” That’s a lie. I just can’t explain it right now. Nor do I want to. “It’s not really a memory though, more of a realization.”

“That’s the first step.”

“It’s not going to help me piece together twelve years of lost life,” I snap. I didn’t mean to get upset at her. The sudden resurgence of a memory only makes me want to be alone and think of all the other memories I can recover.

Our dorm has never been so quiet. I look at my friends, wondering what our next step is. Will seems deep in thought. I see it in his eyes, the way they’re glazed over, detaching himself from the world. He’s delving into his own thoughts. Merith looks more lost than anything. She makes eye contact with me, but she doesn’t try to make conversation again. Maybe she realizes that I just need some time.

I turn my attention back to the book. I want to read more entries, but that would take longer than I want to spend. There have to be three hundred pages in this thing; it’s huge. So I settle for scanning through the pages.

My mom seems to be the one who wrote the most. Each entry is signed by one of my parents. My mom wrote in a fancy cursive while my dad… well, it looks like he just scribbled down whatever was on his mind. His entries aren’t very neat.

As I’m flipping through the pages I notice something. Many entries have things written on the top of the page. It doesn’t seem to be related either.

“Guys look at this.” I don’t take my eyes off the page, but I feel my friends slide closer to see what I’m looking at.

83503961

6.0   --  order scramble

809  --  system processor

1.32 --  tiny dancer  /  cardinal

1.2

1.07

“Looks like your dad liked to make lists in here as well.”

“You’re wrong, Merith,” Will comments. “This is code. There’s nothing random about it. Look,” he points to the long numbers at the top. “Eight numbers. That can easily be a date.”

“A date?” Merith sounds skeptical, as always. She’s never been the best at code. “How will we know which one?”

Will nods at the book and I hand it over. “It’s a scramble.” His eyes run over the numbers again and again. I know that up there in that huge mind of his he’s coming up with every possibility. “If you’ll let me, Bryn, I can figure it out in a day or two.”

I want to tell him that it’s okay. I want to trust him with the greatest possession I’ve ever had. But I just can’t. This is the only clue that I have to access my memories. Even twenty-four hours away from it feels like too much.

But I give Will the okay anyway. If there's anyone I can trust with this it'e him. Besides, there’s no way I’ll be able to figure out a code like that. Not in a timely manner. He’ll have it worked out in no time.

Merith speaks up again. “Why don’t you call your parents? They might be able to give us some answers.”

“You know I can’t do that,” I say in a small voice.

“But Will took off the phone restraint, right?”

I looked at my partner just as his eyes raise to reach mine. He isn’t happy. “I told you not to tell anyone.”

There’s a rule here at Vido’s about calling home. There are three family visitation days every school year. Because of that, a rule had been put in place that no students could contact their relatives, especially through their phones. To keep everyone honest, a block was placed on every phone, restricting calls outside of the school walls.

Will, being the wonderful comms he is, found a way to override the system. He implemented it on my phone as well as his. We can contact our families any time we want. Of course it has to be a secret though. He can’t go around fixing everyone’s phones in the entire school.

“Oh come on. We can trust Merith,” I argue. “And it’s not like she’s jealous or anything. You know she couldn’t be happier being away from home.”

Will purses his lips. “Fine. Call your mom, see what she says.”

But just as I pull out my phone there’s a knock on the door. I turn to Merith. “You expecting anyone?”

“No.” But she goes to open the door anyway. On the other side is Sharna. Without even asking, she storms into the room.

“Merith we have to talk,” she snaps. “Our assignment is due tomorrow and you haven’t done your part yet. I’m not gonna fail because you’re running off with those two.” She jerks her thumb in our direction.

Will hastily hides the journal behind his back. If Sharna starts asking questions I’m not sure I can talk my way out of it. She’s fairly successful at being nosy. One of the many reasons I wish Merith had been assigned a different partner.

Sharna gives us a look and for a moment I’m afraid she saw the journal. “Heard you guys failed the VQ. Not as easy as it seems is it?” I can hear the smirk in her voice, although she does well to hide it. “Not even William can figure out the programs.”

Will’s hands are shaking. Any moment he’s going to snap at Sharna. Without thinking, I grab his hand and pull him towards the door. “We’ll leave you two alone. Merith, I’ll text you later?” I pull Will out into the hallway.

“Thanks,” he says when I shut the door behind. “I needed to get out of there. Sharna’s been rubbing it in my face ever since she found out.”

“How did she find out?” I’ve been wondering since the girls gave me those looks after I left Caddarick’s office. The test didn’t take that long, did it?

Will sighs. “The same way everyone else found out. Someone told.”

It all makes sense. How could I not have known before? “Colton.”

“Bingo. Kellar wasn’t so quiet about it either though.”

I nod in response and we both fall silent. It’s then that I realize we’re still holding hands. Quickly, I pull my hand free and stuff both into my pockets. I can feel the heat rising on my face. Why am I so bothered by this?

“So,” Will says eventually. “To the library?”

I nod. Will leads me off down the hall and all I can do is stare at his back, wondering why my hand felt so right in his.