behold the full extent of my mind
do not
lie
is a carefully constructed
paradise
where
misery is
few and far between
happiness and joy
abound
false pretenses
nonexistent
behind the subtext within the lines
you’ll find
reassuring me
certainly not
fake
praise and appreciation
smiles only
there are vacant
spaces for everyone
welcome
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,078 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
now read back up again!
(I spent so long getting it to flow I apologise if it feels disjointed)
Hi freind! Ellie here with a quick review for this lovely poem (stuck in my phone instead of laptop today so please pardon my mistakes!)
This was so engaging to read! Your lines were very short, falling down and easy to read. Then I got to the bottom and was able to read it all again the other way! What an exciting way to write a poem! That must have been really hard to make it make sense both ways so I really admire the work you put into that.
Now for some lines I loved:
Love this ^^ you could have just said something boring like “misery is everywhere” but instead you use these “few and far” words to describe that essence of where it is. I found this to be a lot more moving and deep that way, nice work! And I loved what you did at the end there, describing the smiles as “vacant”. I found your choice of words to be very mature and beautiful, which gives this almost majestic feeling.
Overall, fantastic work and keep writing!
Your friend,
Ellie
Thanks for the review and have a great day/night ahead!
Hello there! This is Orabella, here with a quick review. ^^
The idea of having effectively two different poems in one is such a cool and fascinating way to write them. In a way, this reminds me of an acrostic poem, with two different ways of reading it in one, but this is a far more sophisticated and cool way to create the same (and in some cases, better) effect.
More than that, you accomplish this very well, and reading it forward and then backward is so interesting and is done in such a meaningful and beautiful way!
(And it just gets better every time I read it through. By the time I have finished writing the entirety of this review, I have this poem 4 times back and forth entirely, 8 if you count reading it backwards as reading the poem)
I've always wanted to create a poem like this, but I never sat down and figured out how to do such a thing. How do you create two meanings within the same sentence? How do you plan for it at all? You'll have to explain your full process. *gets out a pen and clipboard* Okay but really, if you want to explain any portion of your process of making this poem or a poem like this, I'd be happy to listen, but you are by no means obligated to.
I especially love all these lines when flipped:
It sounded so different before, and there was no way of knowing what it would be like reading it the first time through forward. I think what I love about these lines the most is the fact that it makes so much sense both forward and backward, but most importantly, the meaning behind it and how it changes so dramatically when reading it one way compared to another.
Same thoughts as the other one before! I love the beautiful transition from light to dark simply by reading it backward! That's still just an awesome technique that I am in love with.
This one is both awesome and somewhat confusing - I think a huge struggle with writing a poem like this is that it's hard to have it make sense going both ways. Reading it down is fine, but reading it up, I wish it was "that" instead of "there", but changing that would make forward reading not make sense. I think what you have is probably the best you can do with what you have, especially if you connect "smiles only" to fragment.
There are many examples where it doesn't feel quite right because of what you were trying to accomplish, but you did this so well for the crazy task you set out to do that I think this deserves an award of it's on. Frankly, I have no idea how to fix some of those awkward places except to say editing it and brainstorming more may help you, although it seems you've already spent a long time trying to make it flow. What you have isn't bad, I should say, although some parts are easier to get stuck on than others. (Which, again, is expected from this kind of poetic form.)
What I also wonder is what the title means? Perhaps I'm missing something, but it seems like nonsense to my poor little brain. XD
Thank you so much for writing and sharing this wonderful poem! I wasn't expecting to find something this good in the Green Room, but here we are, with one of my favorite poems I've read in awhile! Please have an amazing rest of your day/night, and hope you'll continue to keep writing! ^^ (Maybe you'll even post some of those drafts you've been working on?)
When I first started I had the very rough idea for the poem and kinda just%u2026made it up as I went along? I had some parts written out, then I decided link them by describing the paradise. After that I had the really great idea to make the bad stuff be more common and good stuff be less in the reverse reading. I also wanted to add in a line about empty smiles in the reverse reading but didn%u2019t know how to make it work, so I played around with synonyms like hollow until I eventually settled on this. And since it was about vacant spaces, I thought I%u2019d be nice to end it off with a welcome.At least, I think that%u2019s how I did it? I don%u2019t actually know how I came up with this poem hehe
The title is actually the romanized Greek root words for the word utopia. According to google, it was coined in the
Huh, I didn%u2019t know the word was invented for a book. You learn something new every day!
Thanks for reviewing, and have a great day/night ahead to you too!
Relatable!
Thanks for the explanation, and ooh Greek roots are fun, and huh I didn't know that either! Thanks for your kind reply! ^^
Hello, NoOne! I'm Wist, and I'm here to review your lovely little poem. This is my first time reviewing your poetry, so I'm excited!
I love poems that play around with traditional concepts, either by using creative new forms or exciting diction. Your poem here definitely falls into the latter category with the enjambment and how some sentences seem to interrupt each other. Also, I looked up the meaning of your title, and I saw that it was the Greek root of the word utopia. That is incredibly creative and nothing like anything I've thought of before. I'm impressed. Also, it has two completely contradictory meanings when read forward and backward. That must've been so hard to make work! It's beautiful and echoes how utopias in fiction usually end, with everything being too good to be true. With that said, let's get into your poem.
These lines work well when reading the poem backward. "A carefully constructed lie. Do not behold the full extent of my mind. But when reading the poem forward, it doesn't make much sense. "Behold the extent of my mind. Do not lie. Is a carefully constructed." "Do not lie" seems out of place, and "is... constructed" has no beginning. What is carefully constructed?
These are my favorite lines in the poem. I love how they flow and the image of a "reassuring me," a me that is reassuring. The poem paints the speaker as this benevolent force of comfort. But when you read the poem backward, it shifts to a new speaker whom the reassuring speaker tricked. It's well done.
After reading the poem backward, this feels so ominous—like inducting members into a soul-sucking cult. It's utterly brutal, and I love it.
Overall, this poem feels more like a story of a trickster and a hapless victim. We follow these grand lies only to see how empty they are just when we think the story is over. Amazing job! I had fun. Thanks for publishing; I enjoyed reading.
Happy Writing!
Wist
Thanks for the review, Wist! I kind of ripped off the style from those videos you see on Youtube where they read out scrolling text that seems super depressing but then it reverses and the meaning changes entirely. The line you were confused about was meant to read as %u201Cbehold the true extent of my mind, do not lie, is a carefully crafted paradise%u201D, which I admit, sounds a bit weird.
I may have also sorta changed the what the poem was about midwayGlad you enjoyed and have a nice day/night ahead!(Also this is actually your second time reviewing my poetry. The first one you commented on was titled %u201CDaydreaming%u201D)
Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry, then. Daydreaming was such a beautiful poem. Eek!
I love this poem, I love the way that if you read from top to bottom it is happy, and from bottom to top its mean. It's really impressive!