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You can’t help but fixate on shadows cast by the light

by NoOneInParticular


The Never-ending Race


The never-ending race
What was it’s purpose for again
My mind can’t place
When it even began

Sometimes people come
They stumble, they say hi, they shout good morning
But then they run
Gone like the wind

Sometimes the rain is heavy
Or I stumble and fall
But then I find an umbrella or ladder there for me
Lucky to not be hurt at all

Sometimes I suddenly remember
To run faster and catch up with the rest
But then I start to pant, harder and harder
My stamina was never the best.

Step.
Step.
Step.
Step.

Everyone flies past me
As. I. Trudge. Along.

I should run faster
But I don’t.
I should train harder
But I don’t.
I should care better
But I don’t.
I should BE better
But I don’t.
But I don’t.
But I don’t.

Supported. Cherished. Loved. Every step of the way
And yet, my steps are slow.
Could I ever finish the never-ending race
The umbrella was gifted, not built.


When asked what I am

I can only say I’m a student.

Even though I write,
I am not a writer.
Even though I draw,
I am not an artist.
Even though I dance,
I am not a dancer.

All I am is a student.

A student learns, studies
math, science, history, language
Yet no one calls them mathematicians
scientists, historians or linguists

Everyone is or was a student.
The old adage is to keep learning,
everyday, so
Students are a dime a dozen.

Being a writer requires professionalism.
Being a writer requires passion.
While being a student
requires none.

So I keep typing
I keep writing
(jack of all trades, master of none)
Wondering,
just what I’m worth

I’m only a student,
after all.

An Observer

A stroke and a swish and the lines form a sketch,
And I sit, observing them.
A jump and a turn and a dance that was next,
And I sit, watching them.

A paragraph and a plot and a story is told,
And I sit there, enjoying them.
An award and a praise and the applause that never gets old,
And I sit there, envying them.

And I sit there, envying them.
And I sit there, hoping to be like them.
And I sit there, wanting to be them.
And I sit there, loathing who I am.

A stroke and a jump and the words break apart.
And I f
            a
                l
                    l

So I move to sit, forever observing them.


A Confusing Contrast

(inspired by an English project I did so the location might not be familiar)

The playground gleams in the sunlight.
Children running around happily, playing
on the pristine slides
the well-maintained stairs
gleeful laughter lighting up the area
Parents chuckle at their kids’ antics
as they fiddle with the various contraptions
(a ball maze! tic tac toe! sort the colours!)
filled with bright colours and brighter smiles

Nevermind that just a few blocks away
a cultural icon (the dragon playground) sits,
flocked to by tourists
taking photos.
Smiles lasting for only the time taken
to press a button (a few seconds)
Crowded with people, yet devoid of life
filled with empty smiles, only echoes
of the childlike laughter that once rang through
Rain pouring down, doing nothing
to wash away the dirt
as paint flakes off

Nevermind the old man hobbling slowly
(as cars and buses zoom by)
to the temple to pray —
tradition dictates
that every step is the same
No photos allowed, focus
It’s a time for silence and reflection

While just a few stops away
or ten minutes of walking,
is a convienient stop at Toa Payoh SAFRA
People spending hours here, getting lost
in the new activities added and changed
every second of the day
Children run around happily
their parents snapping photo after photo after photo
to capture this happy memory
lest it get lost
like all the others.

Escapism

“Why didn’t you do this, do you not have any common sense?”
“Why didn’t you do it, you had all the time you needed!”
A rush of vertigo
I was falling, falling yet my feet were firmly
planted to the ground

She leaves me with my thoughts
Don’t think about it, if you don’t it’ll be fine
My mouth remained shut, I didn’t have the heart to speak
Just who was I trying to convince?

A moment ago I was engaged with an otherworldly fanatsy
Stories filled with darkness and strife
An escape from my own feelings
Don’t. Think. About it.

A whiplash, forced to deal with reality
Standing there, head spinning, mouth clamped shut
If you don’t think about it, it’ll go away.
It doesn’t matter. It never did.

Thanks for reading! That was very long, so I’m not forcing you to review all 5 poems. Maybe just choose two or three to give feedback on? formatting sucks arrrrrggghhhh


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22 Reviews

Points: 497
Reviews: 22

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Sun Jun 02, 2024 9:10 pm
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L0ca1Tes1a wrote a review...



Hello! in this review i'm really just gonna state what I liked about each poem and maybe critique if I do have something to critique.

First up is The Never-ending Race.
I thought this poem was written really well. I like how it is formatted, how you put "step." in it's own sentence 4 times, and how you put "BE" in all uppercase. My reasons for this are: i think that the way you formatted it adds to the affect because its not just one big paragraph so you can feel as if you can see how the conversation it's self is going. With the "step." sentences i like the way you put it because it adds anticipation wondering what happens after the walking. With the "BE" putting it in all uppercase really adds to the effect and emotion in this poem because your listing things that you know you should do but the last thing on the list you know you should be better not in just certian areas but over all. What i interpreted this poem as is that it's saying how when your're going through life you feel as if you are falling behind the other people and you want to catch up to them so you remind yourself to run faster but you say "But then I start to pant, harder and harder My stamina was never the best." which i think means that you were never really as good at certain things as the other kids/people are. You also realize how many people you have cheering for you and supporting you but you feel as if it's not helping. Overall I think the poem is really well and also flows well too.

Second poem:When asked what I am.
I very much liked this poem, when I read over it I was thinking to my self "This is very true and relatable." I like the part where you say "I can only say I’m a student.

Even though I write,
I am not a writer.
Even though I draw,
I am not an artist.
Even though I dance,
I am not a dancer.

All I am is a student." because even though you do that stuff you still don't feel as if you can call yourself those titles, either because you don't feel as if you are good enough at them or you did it at one point and stopped and continued again. I also thought this line was very good. "Everyone is or was a student.
The old adage is to keep learning,
everyday, so
Students are a dime a dozen.

Being a writer requires professionalism.
Being a writer requires passion.
While being a student
requires none.' I feel like what you are saying in this line is that no matter where you are in life you will always and forever be a student because being something requires something like how you said "being a writer requires passion." but you may not have it or its like a roller coaster wether or not you have it. so you never have one of the things that the title requires you too have. My overall favorite line is "(jack of all trades, master of none)" this line is my favorite because it's saying how you have many hobbies, Interests, and things your're good at but nothing you are the best at. I think that just potrays putting yourself down because your not the best at what you like or enjoy really well. This poem is really good and is very relatable.

The last poem i read is: An observer.
I also really like this poem because i think it talks about observing other peoples actions and the things happening in the world and the things you do really well. I like how you started the poem off with listing the things you observe. I think that was a really good way to start off a poem like this. I really loved how you talk about envying and wanting to be the person your observing and hating the fact that your're not the one getting the attention and getting praised. The last line I think was a good way to end off you say "So I move to sit, forever observing them.
" talking about how because of what the person your're observing is doing and how you kind of can't say anything against it because they're good at it your're kind of just stuck forever enying them and forever observing them.

I kinda feel as if these three poems are all somewhat connected in a way kinda loosely in the theme of not being as good as others, but thats just what I think.

I enjoyed reading these three poems. Keep writing!




NoOneInParticular says...


Thank you for taking the time to write out the review! I appreciate the fact that you wrote out your personal interpretation and thoughts on my poems, which means I can better tweak it in the future to get the intented results!



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46 Reviews

Points: 3924
Reviews: 46

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Sun Jun 02, 2024 5:40 pm
KaeRae88 wrote a review...



Hey, Kaerae here! I feel like I don't have much to critique on this one, but I will try my best! ~ (ps: I rather like your titles)

THE NEVER-ENDING RACE
You can tell this poem is well thought out. It sort of reminds me of the race of life. I'm not sure whether that is what you meant to imply through this, but I like it all the same. My favorite stanza was

I should run faster
But I don’t.
I should train harder
But I don’t.
I should care better
But I don’t.
I should BE better
But I don’t.
But I don’t.
But I don’t.
Everything that you emphasized is great and adds depth to your writing. The periods, the capital letters, the repetitive statements, all just perfectly weaving together.
Something I think can be better:
The never-ending race
What was it’s purpose for again
First things first, 'it's' should be 'its'. Also, in this case, throughout your writing, you use words that are present tense, while this statement uses 'was'. To me it would make more sense if you used 'is'. Not sure if that all make sense or not~

WHEN ASKED WHAT I AM
This one hit home... I also can relate to being on the 'in-between' stage of everything. But sometimes I feel like our minds are powerful and if we tell ourselves we will never be a writer, we never will. You just have to stay encouraged~ My favorite stanza:
A student learns, studies
math, science, history, language
Yet no one calls them mathematicians
scientists, historians or linguists
This one definitely outlines the direct message you are trying to convey. It also makes the reader stop and ponder at what point does a student stop learning and start being a professional. My teacher always used to say that she learns more from the students than her own lectures sometimes (it always made me laugh)~
Something I feel can be changed/edited:
The old adage is to keep learning,
everyday, so
Students are a dime a dozen.
I feel like there shouldn't be a comma in between learning and everyday. If you take it out, I think it would flow better~
(Also, I just learned this, but it should be every day. Apparently, talking about it in a routine way it should have a space in the middle, but if you are talking about it in a causal way, you can say everyday)

(I have nothing to review about the observer, I love it way too much. Everything is perfect ❤️)

A CONFUSING CONTRAST:
I love all the imagery built in this one! It makes it seem as though I am standing there watching all the parents and children play with their sad small smiles. Although to the end I did get a little confused, mostly because I am not familiar with where you are talking about (as you pointed out). My favorite stanza has to be:
The playground gleams in the sunlight.
Children running around happily, playing
on the pristine slides
the well-maintained stairs
gleeful laughter lighting up the area
Parents chuckle at their kids’ antics
as they fiddle with the various contraptions
(a ball maze! tic tac toe! sort the colours!)
filled with bright colours and brighter smiles

Everything about it is so familiar, as if I was a child again. I can't find anything that can be improved on here either.

ESCAPISM
Okay, this one also hit home. It kind of reminded me of myself in a sense, how I tend to get lost in my reading to escape everything going on around me.
My favorite line is:
An escape from my own feelings
Don’t. Think. About it.
The line through and again the emphasis is great! It shows how deeply the MC is hurting/trying to avoid everything.
My only complaint is to maybe elaborate on a little bit on what 'it' is
“Why didn’t you do this, do you not have any common sense?”
“Why didn’t you do it, you had all the time you needed!”
You definitely start out strong with those two phrases, but what is 'it' that is so hard to go through? A little more details would be nice~

Anyways, I absolutely loved all of these! I hope my review helps you!
Keep writing~ KaeRae




NoOneInParticular says...


Wow, you actually went ahead and reviewed all five! Thanks for the detailed feedback, I like how you were not afraid to point out mistakes I have made and suggest areas for improvement.

Regarding the location in %u201CA Confusing Contrast%u201D, you could think of it as a mall of sorts, just more geared towards recreation and sports activities that you can do, rather than shopping (they even have a swimming pool!!!).




In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort.
— JRR Tolkien