I Want

Timmy here for a quick review!!

So you have a really neat idea here!!

Nitpicks

I think my biggest nitpick here is a lack of imagery... You need to create a story for me; a world inside of your poem. That is what you need to create for me. You have a wonderful idea here, but it needs imagery!

I think something you could do with this is work on is lengthening this... What do you feel? What happens when your imagination delves deep into the fantasy world you have created? That is the kind of imagery you could put into it...

Faving time and Style

So even though this has its nitpicks and isn't perfect, just remember that nothing is perfect... This is a wonderful idea you have here. One of the best I have seen, really... I love your idea, and how you write it out is really neat, too.

Your formating in this isn't like it normally is in poetry, but I really like it! It is your way of doing poetry, and that always cool. And its nice to see people making up their own format and not using the normal way of doing things!

So my favorite part would have to be...

The troubles of the day,

Washed away by fantasy,

A reality I can control. ---I love that... A reality I can control... That means that its a fantasy, but you make it real in your mind. Beautiful wording there!

I like it. Short and sweet. Review for ya.

*Clears Throat*

The awesome thing about poetry is that it's kind of like modern art. It can take whatever shape or format you want it to, and the size doesn't really matter. Of course there are guidelines, but there only there for us to step out of. There are really mediocre poems that are hella long and there are amazing pieces of literary wonder that are even shorter than this one.

In all honesty, I thought that this was nice. I feel like you did a good job of communicating what you wanted to here. However, I do think it needs some expansion. I know I said size doesn't matter, but here I feel that this is too short only because it leaves the reader with too many questions in mind. Or, rather, one huge question: Why does the narrator feel this way?

Although poetry allows us to take the liberty of leaving the text up to universal interpretation, I think that this one is a bit too open-ended. It'd be nice to see more of the thought process/ emotional side of the person saying these things. Why do they feel that they want to escape this reality? What is it about fantasy that makes them feel so free? Why do they feel like they need "A reality [they] can control."? I think that expanding this poem by offering more insight in respect to those three questions would help you not only to develop this into a full-circle awesome piece of introspective writing, but also to beef it up a little.

P.S: This is not nonsense here. I'm pretty sure I've felt this myself. lol.

Happy poet-ing, Old Sport; I hope this helped.

Deadman here with a review for you today. This poem isn't bad at all. It's short sweet and to the point. You've got a nice concept going here. I actually really like it. There are days when I wish I could detach myself from reality, and spend eternity in fantasy.

Okay, this poem has a nice flow, and is formatted really well. You've actually got this poem writing thing down. I have to congratulate you for how well you did this poem. You've taken a concept and grasped it rather well. *applause*

Pros-
1. Great concept
2. Great flow
3. Great format

Cons-
1. I personally would love to see a longer poem like this, but it's fine the way it is.

So like I said overall it's a good poem. I can't wait to see more poems from you in the future. I hope I helped and until next time, happy writing!



Cheers,




Deadman XD