Young Writers Society

Hello Niraco! :3 Do you have any idea why I am here? Of course you do! (Unless you don't...) TO REVIEW!

Before I begin, I love how you used the last two lines in order to relate with the title. It builds suspense, and for a moment I was going to review this saying, "How does the title in any way relate to the poem itself?" Obviously, I was indeed, proven wrong.

Let the young man weep,

and the old rejoice.

Give the poor man wealth,

and the rich be deprived.

Give the strong man hindrance,

and the weak help.

Let the homless man have a roof,

taken away from he who has too many.

Let the world be joined,

rather than hidden in seclusion.

Hey mongoose here,

I really enjoyed this poem it shows how the world really is unfaur in such few lines. I love how it explains wealth and poverty against youth and age, it is like two different concepts of wealth and i think thats really clever.

My favourite lines have to be
"Let the world be joined,
Rather than hudden in seclusion."

To me it really shows how the world is messed up, and that people need to get along, embracing each others faults and dealing with them rather than fighting over things.

I also like how its all in one stanza too, its asif it is standing as one, against one huge problen. Which ultimately makes the poem hold much more of an importance.

Thanks for posting its fab!:)

There were a few typos in here that were a bit distracting, such as 'rejoyce' and 'seclucsion'.
I'm also not sure what you meant by the line "Let the give the poor man wealth.", so I'd consider rewriting that. Those are small, easily fixable things though.
The poem is also confusing by the fact that all of them are sort of about giving more to the one that is lacking except for the "Give the strong man help, and the weak hinderance." one. If there's a reason this one's switched and the other ones aren't, I must be as dense as a rock because I don't get it sorry to say. Maybe elaborate on it if there is, and expand the poem?
If not, the poem itself is very simple and very to-the-point, which suits it well. And you did a great job with the ending, which is beautiful.
Hope this review helped. Keep writing and Happy Review Day!
From the Flaming Keys,
-tgirly

I agree with the other reviewers that there are a lot of distracting spelling errors, but the overall theme of the poem is good

Let the young man weep,

and the old rejoice.

Let the poor man have wealth,

and the rich man be deprived.

Give the strong man help,

and the weak hindrance.

Let the homeless man have a roof,

taken away from he who has too many.

Let the world be joined,

rather than hidden in seclusion.

Hi. I would like to commend you for using punctuation in a poem. Some people seem to forget to do this, but this is about your poem so i will move on.

You had a few spelling errors:
rejoyce
homless
seclucsion

This line needs to be fixed:
"Let the give the poor man wealth,"

Also I think you poem sounds very socialistic, but I do not want to argue politics right now. I enjoyed how you went back and forth, giving the opposite of what you had just said. I think it strengthened your points. I like the style of it overall. I think you could do quite well in poetry if you simply focus more on mechanics.

Hi there. First off, spelling -- I hate mentioning stuff like that but it was distracting. Secondly, did you mean to put "give the strong man help?" because that kind of clashes with the entire theme of the poem and I was a bit confused if you'd meant it the other way around.

Aside from that, welcome to the world of poetry. I like the concept you're trying to develop, but this is underdeveloped, crude, and a bit disjointed. Everything you mention so far is a list. You're trying to do this big powerful thing about society and turning the tables on the general situation of the way that wealth often separates people but in making everyone a list, you're dehumanizing them again. This is what imagery is for. Imagery, figurative language, all that delicious stuff, makes your poetry human. It's what allows us to put ourselves and our own experiences into our poetry so other people can relate and feel what we are trying to express in our words. I think that maybe if you try this again, maybe make some references to other things in order to show the breadth of emotion and cruelty and hope, it would be a lot stronger. Also, you could use some stronger lines for the ending in general.

Anyway, lemme know if you have any questions.

I'm Willow Cutz, and this is....MY REVIEW!
I apologize in advance for my personality.

First off it's the title that really got me here. It reminds me...of a song. *music starts to play* When I was a young-

*No, no, no*
*What?*
*We're not doing the singing...*

Fine, bit it did remind me of a song title: Let the Rain, by Sara Barellies? So I tapped the post and the first line I see is "Let the yound man weep" Instantly I began to groan. The title is the third mpst important part of the piece. Behind the actual words and spunky blue dinosaurs. We'll just focus on the 1st and 3rd, though. You see the title gets the reader there, it doesn't matter how good the piece is if the title is not interesting. I try to say that you stay away from the title being the same as the last line (it makes the last line look cheap), the same as the first line (it shows lack of interest in the author's titling skills), and NEVER EVER make it too random (the reader keeps searching for a link between the title and the writing throughout the first read through.)

Aside from that I am lacking detail in the actual poem. Give me a reason to care about the people you write about. I don't just want words I want them to mean something.

Kay Kay?

~Willow Cutz

Sorry about the three same messages, I hit the wrong button for "Is this a review?" twice

Hello Shauzer here reviewing

It was good for a first poem, and you can tell that it's still a work in progress.
There was a few spelling mistakes, I won't bother to point these out, there's no point. But I do like your idea, the theme of the poem is equality, right? Justice? It's nice, a good idea.

I think you need to add some diversity to it though, it's the same thing again and again.
(Let the .....
Let the .....) I hope you know what I mean by this, it's like your comparing over and over again. Usually you should have something different at the end... Your "rather than hidden in seclusion" is nice, it is different. But I just think you could have something else, something extra.

I like your use of the word hinderance. Hardly ever used, and it adds a nice sophisticated touch to the poem. I think you have good poetic potential, and you should definitely keep writing.

With Regards,
TS