Young Writers Society

Hey! Forever here with a review!!

Did you know that you were the first person to review my work? I guess you didn't.

A woman's privacy
Is not to be breached
But those men ignored
That woman who screeched

Quite a good start but I couldn't find the connection between the first two lines and the second two lines. Did they somehow mean that these ppl breached the privacy of the woman who screeched for protecting it? Hm.. seems so. A very serious issue in today's World.

She screamed for help
But not a soul was there
And then her demise
Hung fear in the air

She died! These men killed him by any means? By hurting her privacy, i.e., raping her? You portrayed a very fearful consequence of rape. It instills fear in the life of people and people become rebellious towards the ppl who did it. It also shows how these things are carried out in a lonely place so that no one can help the victim. This loneliness can be a symbolism of how lonely her mind and heart is at that moment.

We hope those wicked men
Soon cease to exist
They held the women's last screams
Sealed in their fists

Yea, actually. However, you could just write it as the intentions, the desire and you have so many other words instead of men. Wicked men doesn't succeed to portray the real hatred towards them. Also, this word "men" is synonymous to "human being" and they are not worth it when you are really hoping so that they perish from this Earth.

They killed her mercilessly
Without thinking of her loved ones
Who wailed and cried, but in vain
As the damage was done

Wow, portrays the pathetic condition of the woman in that situation and how merciless these beings are. They don't even respect themselves... Otherwise, they can't do such a ruthless thing and treat others like that. I am really sad about how so many people become victims of this each and everyday in this Whole world of so-called "humanity".

I would personally want to
Stab all those men
So that they never dare to do
Such a cruel deed again

I wonder if this "personally" is quite relevant here but I think so. It's nothing personal, I mean the protest against it is worldwide and should be Worldwide. I would suggest to remove that. However, if you have any other interpretations for this "personally", I would like to hear that. Also, this stanza kind of feels a bit repetitive, at least to my ears. You told kind of the same thing in the second stanza, at least the first two lines meant the very same in their core. Maybe just remove this stanza. You should focus on quality rather than quantity.

She wished for a painless life
A life where dreams came true
But she would end up like this
She never had a clue

I really like how you are kind of giving us a glimpse of her life. How she was, what she had expected and her fate at last. It kind of feela like a very quick forward glance of a few years before death to the death itself. This is the wish of near about every human's wish to lead a happy lafy but there are some evils out there who doesn't want that intention to succeed. This also shows how sudden and unexpected the thing was...

I would want a world
Where this sin doesn't prevail
And women could live fearlessly
Not as a man's tail

Better write it as
"I want a world
Where this sin won't prevail
And women can live fearlessly
Not as a man's tail". That seems to be a better structure. It's not a conditional sentence where we would want but we want it. We just want it now, at the very moment, the sin to be erased from this World. The best line in the poem was the last line. It has a strong impact on the readers and still left the readers thinking after they havw finished reading the poem. Good job on that!

You should put ratings there. Many people might not be very comfortable reading it and they can have mental trauma. So put those ratings. It's a must thing

Your poem missed punctuations. There was a total of zero punctuations in the poem and I can't find any reason for that. I have seen poems without them and they do have a reason for it. As you don't seem to have it(i maybe wrong), better put them. They add to the flow of the poem and makes it easier to read for the readers.

Overall, it was quite a decent poem with a very very rare theme. I am really glad that at last someone has written on this topic. I have never seen another poem on the very topic and yet it is such an important and significant topic. I wonder why no one writes on it. I will have to write one, I think.

Keep Writing!!

~Forever

Heya!!! Ches here to review!!! I really liked your poem on this topic, it is not talked about much especially in writing so good job! I would advise putting some sort of age rating on this since rape is quite dark though I suppose that's your choice. I liked your usage of rhyme throughout this poem, it helped the words flow and made it better to read.

A woman's privacy

Is not to be breached
But those men ignored
That woman who screeched

I really enjoyed this section, the usage of rhyme and the powerfulness behind the words, though I don't think the big space between the first and second line is necessary, but again it's the author's choice. You can choose to ignore any of my critiques.

And the women could live fearlessly

I'm not sure the is the right word here. I think you can remove it and this sentence would still make sense. Anyways, overall great poem! I look forward to seeing what else you write.