It is returning,
Your home, your past,
Your end is nearing,
One, two, three, four,
That four-rythym knock,
You could do so much more,
You are the Time Lord Victorious,
You don't want to go,
Your end is nearing,
One, two, three, four,
But will you save them?
Your people, your past?
No, you send them back,
Back to the Time War,
Gallifrey falls,
And he will knock four times,
One, two, three, four,
A final farewell, a final look,
And then the glow,
He knocked four times,
One, two, three, four,
Geronimo.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,028 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Disclaimer: I am a Pertwee fan.
This is really good, and truly matches the feeling that I would associate with that episode (which in my opinion is on of the best of the Tennants'."
The repeated use of comas is brilliant, and maintains a practically constant rhythm, totally original. I think.
The "One, two, three, four," made me think of "Five, six, seven, eight, there's a doctor at the gate." which was rather strange (and I do realize what the "one, two, three, four" is from.)
I was rather surprised that you hadn't included "I don't want to go" or something similar in.
The last line was amazing and I was glad that it rhymed. Personally I would have rhymed it with the aforementioned "I don't want to go".
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
Thanks!
Reading this left me absolutely speechless, and there may or not have been a few tears. Watching he episode of Doctor Who was insane for me, there were so many feelings, feelings of sorrow, seeing Tennent dying, feelings of distrust as the Doctor's face changed once again, and feelings of hurt, not from myself but from what the Doctor must've felt, sending the other Time Lords back to Gallifrey, and somehow you managed to bring all of those feelings back up, all with just a poem. You have an excellent rhyme scheme, and I love the repeating "One, two, three, four," The poem is very smooth, none of it feeling forced at any point, and all in all it just sounded like perfection. I would love to see more Doctor Who poems like this, as it truly touched my heart, in a way that only the Doctor has ever done so. Great work, NightWolf! Never stop writing poems, as just from this one I can tell that you are truly brilliant.
-Vinnie
Hey!
Firstly I want to say that this is really good and is a nice homage to Tennant as the Doctor and his final farewell.
The end of time is one of the saddest episodes and I was incredibly sad when Tennant left and 10s regenaration scene.
You incorporate the referneces really well and they don't feel forced. I loved the repitition of 'one, two, three, four' it was done well, so good job.
I loved how you including 'Geronimo' at the end, signalling that he had changed into 11.
The only thing which I would really like to criticise is that you do use to much commas, the whole first part reads really quickly and it's not until you get to the question that you get a chance to pause and think.
This is a sad poem, it is an elegy really, it's about the death of somebody. It is giving us a chance to look back on that life, so I feel as if it shouldn't be so rushed.
Apart from that I feel as if you have done a really good job and I can't wait to read your poem on the 50th. Man, that episode had me in tears.
Keep writing and good job!
Narlges xxx
Flame here!
! I want to say that I absolutely loved this, as I thought one of the saddest moments in the show was Ten's death, and you really captured the emotion well.
Or am I missing something here? Has he already converted to Doctor 11 when saying/thinking "Geronimo"?
Also a Whovian. The show is becoming upsettingly popular
I'm mainly focusing on mechanical mistakes and accuracy. No criticism on your word choice and repetition!
I'd suggest isolating the "One, two, three, four" lines for effect. You could even venture further and make the numbers separate lines.
This was probably a mistake, but you forgot the first "h" in rhythm. In addition, several of the commas were unneeded. I'd just suggest quickly rereading your piece.
There was no "glow" after that four-time knock. His regeneration cycle had simply started. But I guess that "glow" is vital, as it rhymes with "Geronimo"...ah, Geronimo. Doctor 11's catchphrase was "Geronimo." Doctor 10's catchphrases, on the other hand, were "oh, yes!", "molto bene", and "allons-y!"
Keep writing! I can't wait to read your work on the 50th!!
The glow was referring to the golden light of regeneration, and the Geronimo was referring to his next incarnation.
Okay, this is me being geeky...but that golden light didn't shine until he was in the TARDIS. Saddest moment of Doctor Who, him moaning, "I don't want go", right? Thanks for clearing it up
!
By the way, congrats on getting the Spotlight!
Thanks, I was trying to replicate the fact he was in the TARDIS by the final farewell, he had said goodbye and was about to go...then regenerated.
Yeah...I apologize for not reading it carefully.
No problem, my eyes often blur when I read things. I often have to re-read something eight times before I understand it all. By the way, my first 50th poem is up!
Hey there NightWolf! Knight Onyx is here to review!
Nice to meet you, by the way. I am a doctor who fan! Oh my! *hearts*
Well as always my friend, keep on writing and if you have any questions. Feel free to send me a message. ^^ Thank you for your time,
Over All
Alright! Love it, though I do have a question... Why is it mainly just comma's? To me, it seems like one big sentence except when you added the question marks. Is that a type of style? If so, you did well. I am mainly a writer so I don't know all of the styles that poets can write in.
Now, Doctor Who side of it. You did well, I love how it resembles it! I mean, very well. Though others who don't know of Doctor Who will not know much about it. To others who do know it, I think you did a splendid job with creating the scenery. (For me that is)
Well, I saw no flaws within your piece! Not that I noticed, you did very well and I am proud that I was able to review this for you. Sorry this is so short!
-Knight Onyx
Thanks so much for the great review. This is literally my first delve into poetry from outside school, and it's just a habit with the commas. I have recently been re-watching the End of Time, and the Planet of the Dead, and I got so much inspiration. I will be writing more, and I believe it will be the 50th next!