Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Fanfiction

E - Everyone

The Story of the Blue Box

by NightWolf


For starters,

I'd like to say,

That I only borrowed her

I had every intention of taking her back

She's a brilliant thing,

So ancient

Yet so new

Though I must admit,

She's a museum piece

A type 40 TARDIS,

Outdated by the time we ran away

Not that it matters

She works fine,

Apart from the fact,

That she's stuck as a 1963 police box

You see,

I never got round to fixing the chameleon circuit

Anyhow,

The police box has grown on me now

And she's not very reliable

But she's always took me where I needed to go

I love hearing people remark

"It's bigger on the inside!"

Or that one time,

Someone stated

"It's smaller on the outside!"

She is extremely huge,

Imagine the largest spaceship ever

And then scrap that,

Because she's infinite

Don't ever think,

That she's just a machine

Because she's not

She's alive

And she has feelings

Hurt her,

And she'll snarl at you

She's my TARDIS,

And I'm,

(I admit it)

Her thief

Truly,

I'm a madman with a box

The best box in the Universe


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
2631 Reviews


Points: 5735
Reviews: 2631

Donate
Sun Dec 29, 2013 11:03 pm
Rydia wrote a review...



Doctor Who themed poetry! Excuse me while I go squeal about this... ahem. Alright, let's take a closer look!

Specifics

1.

For starters,
I'd like to say,
That I only borrowed her
I had every intention of taking her back


I love this opening. I'd like to see you add just a little more here though - the thing about the Doctor is he always explains and goes back on himself, corrects, calculates. [Or my favourite doctor anyway ;)] Maybe something like:

I had every intention of taking her back,
of putting the box back in the box
(if she had one) but I took her back,
so far back that she saw the start of the world.

Obviously this is a very quick and rough write-up but maybe it gives you a few ideas!

2.
And she's not very reliable
But she's always took me where I needed to go


It might be nice to have a little filler here and to hear about one of the times where she's took him where he needed to go, rather than where he wanted to go. A few concrete images and events would help give this poem some extra life.

Overall

This is cool! It's nice to see an ode to the TARDIS and this is the first I've read so you get bonus points for being original. I would quite like to see a few more 'spoilers' to give your Whovian fans a chance to tick them off their checklist and feel like they can connect with the poem on a deeper level because they remember the referenced events.

Thanks for the fun read!

Heather xx




NightWolf says...


Thanks. An I don't mind you squealing over Doctor Who theme poetry at all. ;)



User avatar
433 Reviews


Points: 13351
Reviews: 433

Donate
Mon Dec 09, 2013 10:52 pm
TakeThatYouFiend wrote a review...



It seems everything I was planning on saying has already been said. I to am a whovian, and it is a wonderfully doctorish poem, but you doneed to look at your line breaking. Also, I know it is a matter of taste but I think "I'm a madman with a box" would have made a much better last line than "The best box in the universe" which incidentally was capitalized. Basically keep everything you have written, but you might want to tweak a couple of points. Hope this helps
TakeThatYouFiend!
P.S. Doctor Who is a great way to get likes on YWS, so be sure to mention it on the Doctor Who clubs!




User avatar
16 Reviews


Points: 936
Reviews: 16

Donate
Sun Dec 08, 2013 11:43 pm
malinda542 wrote a review...



I feel slightly biased because I'm a huge Whovian! Like beyond big and annoying to anyone that doesn't like Doctor Who. So Let's begin. Excellent poem, it's truly beautiful and combines everything the Doctor has ever loved about the TARDIS. I love how you have him that he truly is a thief, like he wouldn't have it any other way. And I love how you've captured the doctor's voice (I was reading it in eleven's voice I'm not going to lie).

However I do feel some of the breaks you have in the poem are a little awkward. For examplt;

"Don't ever think,
That she's a machine"

The comma here seems unnecessary and it breaks up a complete sentence. Not a big thing but it ruins the flow a little bit. Overall wonderful job and good voice.




NightWolf says...


Thanks! I actually was aiming it for Eleven's voice...so that's good to hear!




Some books should be tasted, some devoured, but only a few should be chewed and digested thoroughly.
— Francis Bacon