Fifth chapter of Such tracks.
When people eat, they are hungry but when people are hungry they eat. This is called a circle of life and I just made them up. Why? Because when your against people like Jasper who's muscles HAVE muscles or Mary who's actually really athelic, it's hard to win a race against them. Just to make this clear, it's a living nightmare,and I hope those two words decribe the stress I am feeling now.
Since I was lying in bed, and couldn't really sleep with all the stress in mind, I thought of what brought me here, to be a racer, a winner, a player, the guy I am now. So I thought back when I was five, a baby, a child and really curious about running.
*Dramitic Flash Back*
It was two A.M and I was laying in the a rug, a rug with a green background and one huge yellow x in the middle, pointing to all corners with my mom and dad laying in the red couch with white marks in it. The weather was good and all was fine untill four P.M., when somebody knocked on the door, who was this? To this day I have no idea reader. Pheraps later this mystery will be solved.
Since my mom was sitting all comfy with popcorn in her legs proably watching a movie like the Natrix or something, she ordered dad to open it.
Dad looked throught the window to see who it was, he saw a man wearing a black t-shirt and green pants, wearing black sunglasses with a green beanie on his head and unbrushed hair.
The most weird of all was some words in his t-shirts, labling "Uncle Fred", I had no uncles or aunts and now no dad, becauce uncle fred hit him with a knife and ran away, when me and mom heard dad's shouts,we ran to see what was going on, when mom saw dad laying on the floor, dying, mom told me to stay with dad and that she will chase the murder, we never found him.
I rememeber dad's last words,"I will always be with you!" and he died.
To this day, I wonder if I could have chased the murder or took dad to the hospital or anything. I wish my mom called 911 or something but now, we can't slove this.
*Back to present*
I later somehow slept and woke up later by the alarm clock.
I ate breakfast, wore my cloth and was ready to start the race.
As I woke to the park which was a block away but felt like three.
I was in the tracks now, about to run, I was against Jasper, the guy who's muscles HAVE muscles and this race determined the future of the mathoners.
~To be continued~
End of chapter
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140,094 Literary Works • 672,998 Reviews
It's me again.
Such Tracks as a name is really growing on me. At first I thought it was a bit weird, but that's what makes it awesome. It's quirky and unique and matches the story brilliantly.
This is called a circle of life
Haha, that's some epic humour! And I love how you said Jasper's muscles have their own muscles.
Pheraps later this mystery will be solved.
Perhaps* is the correct spelling. There were a few other errors, but I won't mention them as other reviews have done so. It'll only take about ten mintes to fix them, so don't worry.
"I will always be with you!" and he died.
And he died. I sort of couldn't help but laugh at how chilled your character is by this. But I totally get why he's interested in running now.
The future of the Marathoners is on his shoulders! What. Will. Happen? I'm excited to find out!
Hello!
Stegosaurus here for a review!
I liked the idea of where you are going with this yet I feel like this isn't being executed correctly, in terms of plot and ideas or dialogue however I haven't read the other chapters so this review will only look into this chapter.
The beginning, to me, seemed lacking and really just rushed. Also to me, it doesn't seem to make much sense as this chapter goes on. However, there is site can help you with ways to make your beginning of a novel better: Ways To Make A Better Beginning.
There are also some mistakes that I like to point out too:
There are some needed commas in this paragraph as well spelling mistakes (and people do make those mistakes)
As this paragraph continues, I notice that the MC seems to envy both Mary and Jasper's speed and their built for such sports. This could relate to most people today (such as myself). Continuing on to reviewing:
Just to make this clear, it's a living nightmare,and I hope those two words decribe the stress I am feeling now. From here, I would suggest this: Just to make things clear, all of this is a living nightmare and I hope these two words could describe the stress I am in. however, this paragraph- although nice to know- doesn't seem to bring the plot together. You have some paragraphs like this so I would re-read these and think about this can help you with more as you progress this novel.
Overall, this is a lovely novel and a lovely idea. I, however, hope this helps you and I hope I didn't come off rude or anything.
If you want me to go over anything, let me know!
Steggy
Thanks!
Yay, time for a rev-OH GOD ALL THE OF THOSE TRIPLE-DIGITS-MISTAKES!!!
Ok, here are the "MISTAKES":
Put commas,
it's very important to place them.
A lot of spelling and grammar mistake, all of the chapters in this book have this problem, SO PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO THAT NEXT TIME YOU MAKE ANOTHER CHAPTER OF THIS!!!
Other than that, this was GGRREEAATT!
Thanks.