The painter drew her brush over the canvas in small, deliberate strokes. The model shifted and let out a delicate sneeze, flowers rippling around her in the wind.
“Almost done,” the painter said, touching the blush to those perfect, porcelain cheeks.
“I hope I don’t look too drab in this dress. It was the best I could find.”
Her dark curls, cascading in ringlets. Her tiny button nose and shy, pink lips. “Drab?” the painter murmured. “Never.”
The soft, bare hollow of her neck. The gentle curve of her waist, hugged by the daffodils. Her bare feet, dainty toes peeking out from under the hem of the dress. So perfect.
“It’s mighty kind of you to do this,” the girl said. “Such a generous gift. Think my ma will like it?”
“Of course. You’re a treasure.” One final sweep, and it was finished. The painter set the palette down and wiped her hands. When she glanced back to the hill, the girl was gone. Daffodils rippled in the breeze.
The painted figure’s eyes widened in surprise. She jumped to her feet, acrylic dress swirling among the wispy blotches of flowers. Pressed her palms against the invisible barrier. Her mouth moved soundlessly.
“We’ll keep you safe,” the painter said, lifting the canvas off the easel. “You’ll stay perfect forever.”
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Is it that the model is a ghost in actuality but alive in the artist's mind brought to life by the act of painting her? The end being that break of the illusion?
Or is it that the artist uses some kind of witchcraft to entrap his subjects into the painting? I am partial to the latter because we are left hanging with the girl's palms pressed against the portrait, and the painter seems more absorbed and sinister rather than delusional.
The confusion between the two I think lies in the point of view shift. The painter's "she" versus the model's "she" versus the painting's "she". With some rewording, and clarifying to that end, I think it can help.
Lovely work!
- as always, Audy
Hello! It's I, the Chirave Canicthus, here to review your work!
I really like the title of this. I was unsure of what was going to happen in the text before I read the piece, but it all came together as I was going through it.
I really like the description of the model. She seems so beautiful, but it might just be the artist idealizing his work. Either way, it gave me such a vivid image, even if I started getting Titanic flashbacks. (Rip me. Art scenes just do that, lol.)
It's cool how we see things from the artist's point of view. When she says "You're a treasure," I can barely tell if she's telling that to the model or to his painting. If she's speaking to the painting, it really reflects the feeling of pride that I get when I'm finished painting something. It also reflects how she's completely engulfed in her craft that she's simply not paying full attention to the world around her.
Then I hit the end. There, I realize that she was completely in her own little world as she was painting. She was just talking to her painting as if it were a real thing. I really like that bit and didn't realize that it flew over my head. Well, I guess I've learned now. And if I've misinterpreted it (as I probably have XD), then I guess that's just another way to look at this.
All in all, this was really good. I couldn't see any grammar issues or nitpicks, so that's nice. I hope to read more of this stuff. Have a good review day!
Keep Writing!
Chirave Out
Thanks for the review! Really interesting perspective. I hadn't thought about it that way at all. That doesn't mean it's wrong! I like leaving it open/keeping quiet about the intent, and letting the reader interpret it however they want.
Hey, I'm here to review.
So, the first time I read this, I was hooked because it was about painting and the way you described the girl's beauty was art in itself. I liked how it all sang, 'art appreciation~' and I enjoyed having the experience of imaging these visceral details. The end was confusing at that time.
Then, looked at the genre and was like, 'What? Fantasy? Really?' I reread this again and I realized I waa so, so dumb. The story was more than art appreciation, than giving the readers delicious imagery, it was really about the painter. She was so deep in her painting that she described the girl as a treasure, and I loved how you made it both literal and not literal. There were clues leading to the twist, and I was amazed by how you pulled this off naturally.
Of course, the part about her mother was where it unsettled me. The girl said the painting was a gift to her mother, and the painter seemed to did not care about that. It was just intriguing to see what happened next, although I suspected the painter would keep the painting along other paintings, and at this point she was also some kind of sorcerer/fantasy people. She was like a mad scientist in the sense that she focused so much on her passion that human lives were unnecessary to her.
So yeah! As a flash fiction, this delivers. Keep it up!
Thanks for the review! Interesting perspective, whenever people misinterpret on a first read, it always makes me sit and think a while!
Dat ending.