Young Writers Society

Hey there Megrim. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
Quick note. I've been away for reviewing from a long time, so it's taking me a bit to get my computer side manner back. Just wanted to say something if this reviewed seemed extra, out there.

Luckily for me, my tired hands, and this review, the piece is flash fiction. The 'paragraphs' are only a few lines long so I'm going to go ahead and put them in quotes down here.

Her boat rocked quietly in the shallows. Old wood, a patchwork of lichen and faded paint, worn and smooth. The reedy beach drifted behind her, its shifting sand too loose to remember her footsteps.

1. As far as opening lines go, I think you did a pretty good job. The whole story has such a dark cloud over it and eerie feel, and this definitely starts the mood rolling in the right directions. It's pretty creepy with the whole rundown, old boat on a beach and the reader has no clue what is going on.
2. The scene setting descriptions here and further on, are also a nice touch and really makes me like your story even more.

She pulled a quilted blanket off the box in her lap. New wood, trimmed with polished brass. Heavy, weighed down by the future she could never have. She lifted the lid between pale fingers.

1. The contrast in descriptions was an interesting touch and certainly builds a bit of suspense for the reader. Like "What is in the box?" or "What future is the character thinking about?"
2. I admit I tried not to read ahead but it was hard trying to cover up my screen with a bit of note book paper, so my mind didn't have enough time to ask these questions.

A porcelain doll gazed up at her. She’d painted the delicate face the first month. Tied the lace of its dress, knitted the stockings—months two and three. Then the pain in the fourth month. And by the fifth month, she knew this time would be no different.

1. This section leaves a lot of speculation to the reader because here is this woman/girl out on some little island or beach somewhere, with a porcelain doing who knows what. The numbered months seemed very specific to me and left some conclusions in my head. Once you ended with watery graveyard I wasn't sure if you meant the doll or legit there was a graveyard out on this island and surrounding it.

With a kiss, she set the doll into the water. The dress fluttered in the fading daylight and the white face disappeared into darkness. To rest with the others. Then she picked up the oars, turned from the watery graveyard, and rowed away.

1. So I did in fact really like your story even though I don't really like flash fiction that much. The ended is good because it sort of ties some things up but leaves others hanging. I've seen good flash fiction and bad flash fiction. Usually it's bad because there are just too many loose strings.

I'd like to continue with a few of my different theories on the meaning.
1. Based off of all the talk of lost futures and graveyards, I'd say the girl has lost someone important to her. The specific numbered months and little doll, make me think either young child or a miscarriage.
2. That's really the only good theory I came up with besides aliens, area 51 and there was in fact no moon landing, somehow playing into your story.

And also don't tell me the real meaning, if it had one, because it's nice to keep the readers guessing for a bit.

Well I guess that's about all I have for today but a short review does come with the territory. Hopefully some of these comments prove to be helpful in some way, even if it's just laughter at the jokes and references.
Happy Saturday.
Happy Halloween
Lizzy
The Queen of the Book Clubs

Hey Megrim! Up for a review today?

I loved this! This piece of flash fiction was eerie and intriguing and this is how I feel prologues should be; short, sweet, and packed full of glorious questions (but that's just my personal preference). I now really want to know what's with the dolls- are they a representation of people who have passed away? Or perhaps it's more darker and is some sort of voodoo-type doll. O.O You definitely got me interested. That's what I love and hate about flash fiction- so juicy and so short!

At first I did find it a little slow to get started. The first two paragraphs are all descriptions, and we only really get into the story aspect of it all on the third paragraph. I mean that's not a horrible thing, but in something as short as flash fiction, every word has to count, and I personally feel that it might be a little richer if you have one or two really strong images/descriptions at the beginning (you've already got that pretty down-pat)- or throughout, and then a little bit more of the story aspects closer towards the beginning. Maybe it's just me though.

Then the pain in the fourth month.

I know that the idea was to mainly keep things simple and brief, but in this line's simplicity it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. What pain? It's more confusing than anything, and I think it wouldn't take away from anything if there was a tiny-little bit more explanation about that line- even if there was a bit of foreshadowing at the beginning, though I'm not sure how that would work in such a short piece.

Anyway, I really enjoyed this, I wish you'd write this idea in a larger format, and I hope you keep it up! ^_^ See you around!!!

-Socks