Verona burst out Murrin’s door and looked around frantically. She had to find someplace to hide – she could already hear the sirens in the distance. She had no illusions about what would happen if she was caught. Her knife had her fingerprints all over it, and added to Murrin’s eyewitness account and his injuries, she had no chance. Even if she wasn’t captured here, the police would show up at her dorm within the hour. There was only one hope left.
She ran for the elevator. Murrin lived on the twenty-first floor of an apartment complex. It was a long way down. She stabbed at the button again and again, hoping against hope that the police hadn’t surrounded the building already.
The elevator doors opened. Thank Nirvana, no one was inside. She hurried in and selected level one. The doors closed and the elevator moved downwards, only to stop on level nineteen.
No, no, no, no! Verona thought, I’ve got to get out of here! I can’t stop for passengers every other level!
The doors opened again to reveal an elderly man. Verona forced herself to remain calm, and put on a cheerful smile. She didn’t want reports of her rushing about reaching the police.
“Good evening,” she said, walking past him into the hallway, acting like she didn’t have a care in the world. “Lovely night, isn’t it?”
“It’s raining,” the old man said, stepping into the elevator. “Not what I’d call lovely.”
The doors shut. Verona let out a sigh of relief. She was alone again. The police weren’t likely to make a search of the building until they had heard Murrin’s story, and even then they would probably assume that she had already made her getaway. She was safe, for a little while.
She turned the corner so she could be out of sight of the elevator. A large window at the end of the hallway let in the evening light. Verona looked outside and saw that yes, the police had arrived. Their hovercars surrounded the building, lights flashing, people getting out of cars and bustling around. An ambulance sat near the door.
She thought about taking the stairs and finding a way out, but realized that the police would probably be taking the stairs for the same reason she did – so they didn’t have to wait for civilians. There was only one thing to do – wait. Hopefully, the police wouldn’t search the building.
Now was her chance. She pulled out a wrinkled, well-worn note from her pocket and unfolded it. Lani’s dropbox was her only hope. If she could persuade the Absolutionists to help her, maybe she could escape. Her fingers flew over the holographic keyboard on her watch, and within minutes she had opened the platform and entered the username and password. She hit “Record Message” and began to speak in a low tone.
“Lani, it’s me, Verona. A lot has happened since you left. I don’t know if you know anything about it, but my mother… is dead. And I’m in trouble.”
Verona outlined the events of the last few weeks and what had led her to attack Murrin. She tried to emphasize the fact that she had done this for Justice, and that it was what Nirvana wanted. She knew – well, hoped – that Lani would want to help, but she had to persuade the Absolutist leaders as well.
“So, please, I can’t evade the police forever, and I don’t deserve to spend the rest of my life in prison. If you help me, I’ll join you – I’ll do whatever you ask! It’s not like I have anywhere else to go. I’m waiting in Murrin’s apartment complex, but I’ll have to make a run for it soon.”
She ended her message and sent it, but it wouldn’t do any good unless she could get out of here. The Absolutionists were good, but they couldn’t get there that fast. She’d have to escape on her own, and hope to meet up with them later.
She leaned back against the wall and closed her eyes, searching for the other Room in her head. The Room of Transference. It was a desperate move – the Room could teleport her somewhere else instantly, but it only worked between planets. And since she’d never been to another planet, she could only teleport to the default locations of the planets she knew – their North Poles. Meaning she would have to go through customs. It all depended on whether or not the police had sent out a warrant yet.
But Verona never got the chance to try – a wall had risen in her mind, cutting her off from the Rooms. The police had already set up a standard blocking field around the apartment.
Panicking now, Verona leapt to her feet, staring up and down the hallway for an escape route. Her options were disappearing fast. She decided to risk the stairs. If she met police, she might be able to bluff her way through. Once she got down, she could slip out a side exit and go – somewhere.
She opened the door to the stairs and glanced down. She couldn’t see or hear anyone, so she ran, going faster and faster with each level and almost stumbling over her feet a few times.
When she reached the bottom, she knew she was in trouble. Instead of leading into a back hallway like she had hoped, the stairs led right into the main lobby, which was crowded with policemen.
She pushed open the door slowly, trying to act natural, and turned left to go down the hallway that led to the back of the building. She hadn’t gone more than five steps when she heard something that made her blood freeze.
“That’s her! That’s Verona!” Almost involuntarily, Verona glanced back. The crowd of policemen had cleared to reveal Murrin lying on a stretcher. He had recognized her.
Verona ran down the hallway, two policemen racing after her. She had nearly reached the end of the hallway when the door she had been heading for burst open. In streamed two more policemen. Verona stopped dead, glancing around for another door, but there was nothing. Her heart sank. She was trapped.
And so Verona gave up, raising her hands in surrender as the policemen converged upon her.
They asked for identification. Verona gave it to them willingly. There was no point in resisting. Once her identity was verified, she was handcuffed and led to a hovercar. The enormity of what she had done hit her. Verona was now a criminal. Her life was over.
Analia will hate me. My whole family will be horrified. The thought nearly broke her, and she choked back tears. And all this for nothing, since he’s not even dead.
/I’m so sorry, Analia,/ she sent. A moment later, the policeman forced a silver blocking circlet onto her head, so she couldn’t escape, and a wall slammed down between her and her twin.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
Hey, Meandbooks!


Wait...
Yes, I'm here again.
Tired yet?
Okay, I don't have much to say. This chapter is flawless. I just want to write this good. Is it too much to ask?
I really love the ending. It was really well finished this time, and when you talked about how Verona is so ashamed, I think that it was so real and perfect. You are an amazing writer. Honestly, you're too good for your age. I'm serious.
Could you maybe talk more about the panic? Well yeah, she would be kind of trying to figure out how to escape. But in this situation, I would be really trying not to cry--even before the police caught me. Verona isn't all that emotional in that case, and it's kind of unnatural.
Otherwise, this was great! You continue to amaze me. Keep it up, Meandbooks.
-Artemis28
Happy Review Day!
Great blazes, she did it. She actually stabbed the bastard. But, there's one crucial thing missing:
The emotions. How do you feel after stabbing someone? That's a question nobody expects to be asked, so the answer might catch them off-guard. Verona would feel fearful and angry, but would a part of her be fixated on the "unfairness" mentioned in the previous chapter? Think about it. Nothing's going right for her. Now, while you're doing a fine job directly telling, and showing through her thoughts, what about imagery? It's corny, I know, but to feel the fear of a crime you've committed is a unique sensation. To hide this fear is also such a phenomenon. You never really address the "cornered" feeling that most criminals have.
You see, just to detail her actions and say that she's "panicking" would certainly do as fine a job as holding a reader's attention, it's a bit incongruous with her character. For one, this murder attempt was obviously poorly planned. Verona was introduced earlier as someone who judged based on emotion instead of logic. So wouldn't it make sense that, when cornered, her personality stripped down to her soul, that she would act on emotions as well?
While I didn't admire this chapter's style as much as the previous, I will say that the plot certainly is compelling, and is able to keep the audience on their toes as the sanctuaries dwindle. And eventually, to their horror, Verona is caught and pronounced a criminal. You know you've done something right when the audience roots for the criminal. *nudge (Death Note) nudge nudge* But seriously, it's an interesting scenario that sets up a unique premise.
Overall, I feel like this chapter could be rewritten to be ten times as good as it is. It's not perfect, but it's good. It could be better. Of course, if I've missed anything, or completely misinterpreted Verona's character, I apologize. Cheers!
-Chaser
Thank you so much for the review! You're right, of course - at this point I was trying to figure out what her emotions were and how to make her likable even though she's trying to kill someone, so I guess I just went for no emotions at all. I'll work on that.
You've actually got Verona's character down pretty well. She likes to think she's logical, and she can do a pretty good job of repressing her emotions, but in reality a lot more of her decisions are based on emotion than she thinks.
Hello! I think I have less thoughts about this part that I've had about previous parts. (You can decide if that's a good thing or a bad thing :p)

Reader thoughts.
I thought this was a nice and interesting continuation of the first part. There was a lot of exciting action and I liked seeing how Verona reacts under pressure and what her decision making looks like. I also liked that you showed a consequence for her actions and the fun suspense that comes along with that. And the plot is moving forward in an interesting way. I figured that she would get involved with the Absolutionists at some point because there was the foreshadowing in the beginning and she's a bit of a rebel
Of the dystopias I've read (is this technically a dystopia? does dystopia fall in SF/F?) the trope - messed up society, secret outside group, MC joins outside group and helps overthrow messed up society - is done a lot. I think it's a little too early to tell if this is what's about to go down, but that's the vibe I'm getting right now. But I'm still really into this plot and the characters!
Editing thoughts.
I think it would sound better to include "frantically" before the verb. "...frantically looked around."
That first sentence really could be two. And then there's a lot of repetition of "she" and starting a sentence with "she". Is there a way to rephrase one or more of these sentences so this isn't the case?
Now what did she think would happen before she went over there with the intent to kill him? Did she think that if she actually killed him she wouldn't be caught? Or did she think she'd have enough time to get away because the police wouldn't be called so quickly?
Tone?
I think "would" would sound better than "could". OR you could replace "so she could" with "to".
I think you could get a little more specific here. "People" is vague - they're police officers, right? And I'm not really sure what "bustling around" looks like - to me it makes it seem like they don't have a purpose or they don't really know what they're doing, but if they're police officers I feel like they would know both of those things. What exactly are they doing?
This sentence is a bit long. I think you could simplify this thought process. She knows she can take the stairs because x.
I don't think this line is necessary. She's thinking about her options and what to do now, and the this line makes it seem like the next action is a super big deal. (I know it's important because she's contacting the Absolutionists) but if it was that big of a deal, she would have done it sooner rather than taking the time to think about her options and what she's doing.
Thank you for telling here
Interesting... she did just try to kill someone...
(I don't believe she deserves that either, I just thought it was an interesting thing for her to bring up).
"here" instead of "there".
This should be one paragraph.
Start a new paragraph at the start of this line.
How did the police get up to him and get him back down so fast?
I think you could combine these two sentences. "They asked for identification, and she willingly gave it to them."
Let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing!