Shaping Faith: Chapter 8, Part 2

by Mea

Published October 24, 2015

In Shaping Faith

The entrance to the rookie dining hall was marked by the largest corridor Verona had seen in the base so far. Two sets of double doors stood open at the end, but all Verona could see was a large, cacophonous crowd. The noise put her on edge. Just before they reached the dining hall, Kyle put a hand on Verona’s arm and pulled her aside, out of the way of the other people streaming in. “You go on ahead,” he said to Merea.

“What is it?" Verona asked, a little annoyed. "Have I messed something up already?" All she had done was walk up the hallway.

“No, I just wanted to give you some advice,” he said in an undertone, and suddenly Verona was aware of just how close he was standing to her. She shifted away uneasily. He continued. “I just want you to know – there’s all sorts of people here. A lot of them are from Rithane, like us, but a lot of others are from other worlds. Try not to offend them. Also, the Coaches will give you your schedule today and explain a few things. Don’t ask too many questions. No, no, clarifying ones are fine,” – he raised a hand to forestall Verona’s exclamation – “but try not to challenge their authority. Some of them don’t mind that much, but they are obligated to mark you as a possible rebel. Just tread lightly, all right?”

Verona nodded. Of course the Absolute leadership would keep a tight eye on the newcomers – any of them could be possible spies.

“Good,” he said, his shoulders relaxing. “Let’s go eat.”

Kyle hadn’t been wrong – there were only a couple hundred people in the dining room, but they were one of the most diverse groups Verona had ever seen. She couldn’t tell who was from which planet, but the range of features, body type, and even age was large. About two thirds of the room looked to be teenagers or young adults like Verona, but there were many older people as well who seemed to be the same rank. Everyone wore the same green shirt.

Many of them had no twin in sight, which jarred Verona. She and Analia had hardly been apart longer than a few weeks, pretty much since birth. She had expected that twins would be together here as well, but it seemed like in many cases, only one of the two had been willing to come. But that shouldn’t be surprising. After all, look at her and Analia.

Kyle noticed her staring at a group of middle-aged adults near the door as he and Verona stood in line at a food dispenser. “Yeah, we’ve got a pretty wide range of ages here, but the older people tend to rank up faster, and there aren’t as many of them coming in in the first place.”

“How are there so many people?” Verona asked, turning on the spot and marveling at the size of the crowd. It wasn’t that many compared to the number of people in her school, but it was far more than she had expected for an underground group of revolutionaries.

They reached the dispenser, which flashed a list of six meal options on the screen. Behind the dispenser would be the kitchen, where a staff of people worked to keep the machine supplied with food. “Recruiting has been really good lately,” Kyle said, selecting a sandwich. “Plus, this is the main base – all of the new recruits go here, and lately that means more than the number of older members they have. I heard they had to completely reorganize their hierarchy to accommodate all the new people.” The pre-wrapped sandwich slid down a chute and dropped onto his plate.

Verona realized it was her turn to choose a meal. A couple of the choices were unfamiliar, but in the end she went for the oatmeal. She set her bowl under the spout, and a thick stream spiraled into her bowl. She picked it up carefully; it was warm, but not hot.

“Why have there been so many new people?” she asked Kyle as he was looking around for Merea.

“Oh, you’ll find out soon,” he said with a grin. “Later today, probably.”

“Fine,” said Verona, also scanning the room for Merea. At last, she saw her, sitting at a mostly empty table in a corner.

Verona had only finished about half her soup when a loudspeaker crackled to life. She had to strain to hear it over the general cacophony. “Any recently arrive Absolute who has not received a schedule or their coms, please report to room 138 immediately for the scheduled debriefing.”

Merea nudged Verona. “That’s you!”

“But I don’t know where that is!” protested Verona.

“It’s really easy,” Kyle said. “Just turn left at the end of the hall. It’ll be the first door on your right.”

Verona nodded. “First door on the right. Where will you be when I get back?”

“We’ve got to go do our jobs,” Kyle said. “You’ll have to as well. We’ll probably see you at lunch.”

“Oh, okay.” Verona didn’t fancy the idea of navigating this place by herself, but there wasn’t much she could do about it. With a regretful glance at the remainder of her soup, she dumped it into a nearby trash can. As she made her way to the doors and out into the corridor, she noticed about ten people walking in the same direction, most of them looking vaguely confused. She figured they were also on their way to the meeting.

“It’s right here,” she said when they reached the door. I’m glad one of us knew where it was.

The room they met in turned out to be some sort of data center. Row after row of computers took up most of the space, but there was enough room in the front for the eight of them to pull up a chair in front of the wallscreen. A thin woman with an athletic build was already there waiting for them. She wore the blue shirt of a Guide, and tucked under her armpit was a box and a techpad.

“Everybody here?” she said looking around at each of them. Without waiting for a response, she continued. “I am Shaper Mila, one of your guides and the head Shaper of this section. I am in charge of the equipment rooms, which some of you will be assigned to. When your name is called, raise your hand and I will hand you one of these.”

She pulled a set of comwatches out of the box, which she had set on the floor. “They’ve already been configured with your name and schedule, and you can contact anyone else in the base on them. They’re keyed to you only, but anyone above you in rank can override it, which in your case is pretty much everybody. All communications are monitored by us for security reasons. Any questions?”

A blond-haired boy who looked like he had just gotten his growth spurt raised his hand. “What if we want to contact someone outside the base?”

“You can’t,” she said in a clipped voice. “They aren’t connected to any computers outside the base system. We maintain strict radio silence here, for security reasons. No personal communications in or out. That is why we have a dual Blocking field over the base. No teleporting or Linked conversations.”

Verona, of course, had already realized she couldn’t talk to Analia. In a way, she was glad – it made their awkward situation easier. She had never quite understood why some twins disliked being linked, but now she could see where they were coming from.

“Now, would you please pull up your schedules quickly and make sure everything’s in order? The system is fairly new and it’s been having some problems.”

Verona did as asked. The first thing she noticed was that the work portion simply listed “Shaping Room,” a fact that excited her to no end. Shaping wasn’t work, it was play!

It seemed they would be doing a mixture of classes and work, but the some of the classes were unlike any she had seen before. Every day they had something called “Doctrine Education,” which she supposed was a bit like the Yirvnah study groups at home. And that was the most normal one. The others included advanced Shaping, exploiting government structure, self-defense, and weapons training.

That same boy raised his hand again. “Um, why do we have to have weapons training if we aren’t going to be field agents?”

Shaper Mila shook her head in dismay. “This isn’t some vacation facility. No matter what you may think, we aren’t safe here. Evil and corruption fight back with everything they’ve got. If the government ever finds us here, you will have to fight. Each and every one of you.”

She looked from person to person as she spoke. Verona stared into her eyes firmly, not wanting to show a flicker of fear. Of course she would fight when she had the chance. She wasn’t a coward. Though that doesn’t mean I’ll be volunteering for field missions anytime soon. That’s Lani’s job.

The blond boy gulped and said nothing. Good, Verona thought savagely. He needs to understand what he’s getting himself into. He’s probably never had anything to do with violence before. She ignored the fact that she wasn’t exactly experienced either.

“Now, there is one more item of business before you can get to work,” Shaper Mila said. A smile twitched in the corner of her mouth. “Let us raise a hypothetical question. How do you keep sensitive information out of the hands of your enemies? You have to stop your agents from being captured, something much more easily said than done. Other potential leaks include traitors, spies, and plain stupidity. Even the most tightly woven net has holes. Eventually, something will slip through.”

She’s enjoying this, Verona realized. Whatever she’s going to tell us, it’s big. And we probably won’t like it.

“But what if you could hide information in your brain?” Shaper Mila lowered her voice, and Verona was reminded vividly of a magician about to reveal her trick. “Cloak it so that even you can’t remember it? Even under torture, you wouldn’t break. You wouldn’t be able to break. The question is, how?”

At the mention of torture, the boy paled visibly. Verona wasn’t happy to realize that that was what awaited Lani if she got caught.

Shaper Mila was grinning broadly now. “Ladies and gentlemen, we have been working “magic” for nearly two thousand years, but there is still more to discover. One secret in particular has been kept closely guarded. There is a third Room.”

Comments & reviews · 5
User avatar
ChimeraMania
Review
ChimeraMania wrote a review Review · Feb 28, 2016

Okay in chapter seven you said all newbies were blue and coaches wear green. Doesn't that mean that they should all be wearing blue and the Guide be wearing green? That's what's confusing me at the moment.

Honestly that's the only thing I saw questionable when it comes to this chapter. Although I am very intrigued about the third Room. Makes me wonder if it's what the government is and was trying to keep from everyone and why there's a rebellion group or terrorist in the first place or could it be something bigger. You're basically keeping us on our does and letting our minds question their lives. I like that.

Mea replied · Feb 28, 2016

Thank you! And yeah, I have a ton of continuity errors in this as I just decide to change things, so that's probably why you're confused. xD

Mea replied · Feb 28, 2016

Thank you! And yeah, I have a ton of continuity errors in this as I just decide to change things, so that's probably why you're confused. xD

Ah okay. Hey good luck with the rest of review day. I have to take a little break before continuing, although I'm on Chapter 9 pt. 2. So when I wake Sunday morning that's what I'll still be working on.

User avatar
Wolfi
Review
Wolfi wrote a review Review · Nov 29, 2015

Happy Review Day!!!

Wolfie's here, on behalf of Team Bookends! ;)

Some of them don’t mind that much, but they are obligated to mark you as a possible rebel.

I don't know if rebel is the right word to use here. The Absolutes themselves are a rebellious society living underground, whether they see themselves as one or not. Rather than pinpointing a rebel who's asking too many questions, perhaps using the word "spy" fits better (as Verona says a few sentences later). Is there a term for a "loyalist" spy?
Kyle hadn’t been wrong

A recommendation: you can simplify this from a double negative to "Kyle had been right."
Many of them had no twin in sight, which jarred Verona.

Appearance-wise, twins don't look the same, correct? So what clues would be there to tell Verona who is a twin with who?
It wasn’t that many compared to, say, the number of people in her school

Adding that extra word seems to work a lot better for me.
Verona had only finished about half her soup when a loudspeaker crackled to life.

Verona was having oatmeal earlier, not soup. (Unless it's the same thing in certain cultures.)
That same boy raised his hand again. “Um, why do we have to have weapons training if we aren’t going to be field agents?”

This connects with the foreshadowing earlier very nicely. I'm finding this guy either suspicious or simply naive. Verona, for sure, is remembering what Kyle told her earlier (the don't-ask-too-many-questions advice) and is thinking the same thing.
Verona stared into her eyes firmly, not wanting to show a flicker of fear. Of course she would fight when she had the chance.

Great characterization. :)
Shaper Mila was grinning broadly now.

I'd like to know what her eyes are saying, too. Are they glinting with malice? Icy? Jovial?

I agree with Carlito when she said that things could be slowed down a bit, for there's definitely some places you can add on to. I'd also like to know what Verona's thinking before we jump into any more developments. Maybe you could have a scene when she's resting in her bunk, collecting her thoughts, reasoning with past decisions, and anticipating what's next. She's had a heck of a ride so far in this novel, and while Analia's gotten plenty of "thinking time" with the reader, Verona could use some too. You're also emphasizing her character, though. Verona's all about the action, and she needs less rest and contemplating than Analia. That's great, I'd just love to connect with our main character a little more deeply.

The meeting so far has been interesting. From what I gathered, it seems like Verona has been assigned a job that she'll love - shaping. Mila's also presented a new idea to them all of a sudden, something about a third room and protecting information in your brain without "knowing" it, so even when tortured the facts can't be ratted out. I don't know what these new recruits will have to do with these things yet, but clearly they're important. I'll just have to wait and see Verona's reaction to the news of this third room before I can comprehend just how important.

Good job, Youandnovels! Write, write, write! ;)

Mea replied · Nov 29, 2015

<3

The twins are all identical twins, so yes, they would look the same. However, people can still tell each other apart because they just get used to it. I really need to do a better job of explaining that. I know I mentioned that Analia's hair is a different color from Verona's, but Verona's is dyed.

Wolfi replied · Nov 29, 2015

Ohhh, well that makes sense! I probably should have known that. xD

User avatar
Carlito
Review
Carlito wrote a review Review · Oct 29, 2015

Hello! :)

General thoughts.
This was an interesting chapter. I'm glad things are continuing to move forward for Verona. You have to give us a lot of information for the world to make sense, and I thought you did that pretty well here through dialogue because you broke it up with actions/reactions.

One little thought - I thought the ending was a little abrupt. I get that you're trying to do a duh duh duuuuh sort of moment (way less cool without actual music :p), and I appreciate that, but it fell a little short for me. Maybe give more on her tone or what her face looks like as she's saying this, or Verona's reaction/thought immediately after. This wouldn't have to be long, I'm thinking one sentence, just to create a little bit more of that hanging o.O feeling.

One bigger thought - I think parts of this could be slowed down a bit. A few different things happen in this scene, and depending on how long you want your scenes to be, you may need to cut parts of it so you can add to other parts. I'll go into that in a bit more detail in the specifics section. So without further ado....

Specific thoughts.

Two sets of double doors stood open at the end, but all Verona could see was a large, cacophonous crowd.

And where is the crowd - in the hallway, in the doorway, in the dining hall?

The noise put her on edge.

What kind of noise is it? What does "on edge" look or feel like for her?

and suddenly Verona was aware of just how close he was standing to her. She shifted away uneasily.

I would separate this out into its own paragraph because it's more about her than it is about him. You'll have to rephrase the beginning of that sentence to something like: "Verona was suddenly aware...."

“Good,” he said, his shoulders relaxing. “Let’s go eat.”

Kyle hadn’t been wrong – there were only a couple hundred people in the dining room, but they were one of the most diverse groups Verona had ever seen.

I'd like maybe a one sentence transition to get us from the dialogue to into the dining hall.

She couldn’t tell who was from which planet, but the range of features, body type, and even age was large.

I want a more detailed picture here.

Many of them had no twin in sight, which jarred Verona.

How would she know their twin is (or isn't)with them? Do the twins look alike?

Kyle noticed her staring at a group of middle-aged adults near the door as he and Verona stood in line at a food dispenser.

What is the set-up of the dining hall? Where is she in relation to everyone else? Is there a big line to get food and then a bunch of tables? What do they do when they enter the dining hall?

“Recruiting has been really good lately,”

New paragraph here because you went from description about the setting to dialogue.

“Oh, you’ll find out soon,” he said with a grin. “Later today, probably.”

I'm really glad Kyle isn't telling her everything. It keeps us guessing and needing to read on :)

“Fine,” said Verona, also scanning the room for Merea. At last, she saw her, sitting at a mostly empty table in a corner.

Verona had only finished about half her soup when a loudspeaker crackled to life.

What happens between these two events? Does anyone look at her or say anything to her as she joins Merea? What happens at the table? How's the food? What's going on around her? What does she think and how does she feel about this situation?

With a regretful glance at the remainder of her soup,

I would start a new paragraph here because you go from her thoughts about this situation to what she does.

As she made her way to the doors and out into the corridor, she noticed about ten people walking in the same direction, most of them looking vaguely confused. She figured they were also on their way to the meeting.

As she walks to the door, does anyone stare at her or say anything? What do these other people look like? What's the general emotion other than confused? Are there nerves? Excitement? Or is it just confusion?

“It’s right here,” she said when they reached the door. I’m glad one of us knew where it was.

The room they met in turned out to be some sort of data center.

Reactions when they see it? Are people talking or silent? Who is the first to enter and sit down? Thoughts and emotions?

A blond-haired boy who looked like he had just gotten his growth spurt raised his hand.

Love his description :)

There is a third Room."

I'm a little surprised she shared this big secret when she's made it clear new recruits can't be trusted yet. Is this a way to test them? I'm excited to see what more comes of this!

I enjoyed the last part of this the most (when they're in the meeting) because it was insightful and I thought it was the best-described section. I sort of have a feeling (and I could be totally off base here) that you rushed the first part so you could get to the meeting. If you feel like that's the case, then think about whether or not you really need that first part. You could tell a little bit in the beginning about how her first night and morning was and where she's off to and then skip right to the good stuff. If you want to keep the first part, I would beef it up more and show us more character interaction/development/personality.

I'll leave things there for now, but let me know if you have any questions or if anything I said was confusing! As always, looking forward to the next part :D

Mea replied · Oct 29, 2015

Thank you! All these little prose things are very helpful. I know it ended abruptly - I was planning on having the entire next scene be part of this one, but life got in the way.

User avatar
TigersMoon
Review
TigersMoon wrote a review Review · Oct 25, 2015

Hey, TigersMoon here for a review!
Firstly, the nitpicks.

She shifted away uneasily.


You can get rid of “uneasily” because in the context, it’s easy to see she’s uncomfortable.
(I’m haven’t read the chapters before this one so please excuse me if there’s a reason for this), I don’t think “Coaches” should be capitalized. It feels like a general statement. Also, the fantasy book world tends to have a lot of unneeded capitalization. *Cough* Harry Potter *Cough*

Verona realized it was her turn to choose a meal.


This seems a bit forced. You can get rid of it and say something like, “Verona began choosing her meal and saw a couple of the choices were unfamiliar. In the end she went for oatmeal.”

This ties into number two-

That is why we have a dual Blocking field over the base.


Blocking shouldn’t be capitalized, and if it is supposed to be, why isn’t field?
Also with “Linked.” In one paragraph the Shaper says “Linked conversation,” but in the next Verona thinks “some twins disliked being linked.” Why is it sometimes capital and sometimes not? If you can’t remember if a word is supposed to be capital, I recommend just making it not.

She ignored the fact that she wasn’t exactly experienced either.


This is “telly.” Revise it.

Those are all the things you should fix. Overall, this was well-written. It had atmosphere and great dialogue (which is harder to write than thought). I did find it lacking plot. I was kind of a segway to the next chapter, but things still happened that kept me reading.

~TigersMoon

User avatar
erilea
Review
erilea wrote a review Review · Oct 25, 2015

It's Artemis28 here, for Ten Reasons! I wish you a fine day on this lovely Review Day! :)

Let's dive right in! I want to talk about praise first. You described everything really well, and I could get a clear picture of what was happening. I could see the people's emotions, facial expressions, everything. You do really good on that.

Now, onto the improving! The first nitpick I have is that when Kyle pulls Verona aside, she acts annoyed. Well, that's a huge change of emotion! I mean, she's overwhelmed by the noise, and then Kyle pulls her aside to talk to her and she gets annoyed. The change seems a little sudden, and that's not too good.

"“What is it?" Verona asked, a little annoyed. "Have I messed something up already?" All she had done was walk up the hallway."

Another nitpick, right here. Kyle's telling Verona that she'll find out soon enough, and she answers, "Fine." I know it works, but the answer doesn't really... fit with what Kyle told her. Something like, "Okay, whatever." would work better.

"“Oh, you’ll find out soon,” he said with a grin. “Later today, probably.”

“Fine,” said Verona, also scanning the room for Merea."

Two things I wanted to talk about here. One, is oatmeal really considered as soup? I'm not sure if that's the right word to describe it, but sorry if I'm mistaken. I don't really eat oatmeal. :D Also, another grammatical thing, "half her soup" sounds a little incomplete. I mean, you need another word for it to sound right. Like this: "Verona had only finished about half of her soup..."

"Verona had only finished about half her soup when a loudspeaker crackled to life."

In this section, I think you mean "arrived" instead of "arrive."

"“Any recently arrive Absolute who has not received a schedule or their coms, please report to room 138 immediately for the scheduled debriefing.”"

Here, I have a little trouble with the... informal stuff. "Armpit" just doesn't appeal to the reader, you know? Just saying "arm" would be fine.

"She wore the blue shirt of a Guide, and tucked under her armpit was a box and a techpad."

One thing I don't like is repetition of a word, one after another. Like you did here. I think you could've said, "When your name is called, raise you hand and I will give you one of these." Something other than hand, since you used that already.

"When your name is called, raise your hand and I will hand you one of these.”"

Ooh, a third Room? That sounds really interesting. I hope you'll be coming out with chapter nine soon, because I want to find out about that! You did a really good job on this, like always. Keep writing, Meandbooks!

-Artemis28



Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.
— Enid Bagnold