Shaping Faith: Chapter 9

Analia had expected the church to look… different. After all, everything else in her life had changed. And it had been several months. But no, it was the same white, blocky structure with a small plot of grass around it, overshadowed by an office building that cast it a monochrome grey for most of the day. It was even still the same crowd of people that surrounding the entrance when Analia opened the gate to the grounds.

Analia had meant to arrive when everybody else was arriving, so that she could slip in generally unnoticed. But she had forgotten how everybody congregated at the entrance first to exchange greetings and gossip. There was no way she could avoid talking to anybody on the way in.

Maybe this was a bad idea, she thought, hand still on the gate. I could leave now and nobody would ever know.

Then a distant shout of “Hey!” reached her ears. Someone was waving her over. Too late now, Analia thought.

That someone turned out to be Sue, a middle-aged woman hovering between mother and grandmother. Analia went over to Sue, smiling in greeting.

“Analia, I thought I saw you over there,” Sue said, pulling Analia into a hug. “I was just telling Paula the other day how much I missed seeing you every week!”

She pulled back from Analia, still clutching her arms, and said, “Now, how have you been holding up with everything? I know things have been… horrible… lately, but I’ve told you, if you ever need anything, I’m a call away. We could have been helping you.”

Analia couldn’t help but smile. This was utterly typical of Sue. Always ready with a helping hand or some good advice, and with more friends than Analia could keep track of. How Sue managed it all was beyond her, but she supposed having no children at home made it easier.

“I know,” Analia said, accepting the gentle rebuke. “I guess I just needed some time to myself, that’s all. To work through some things.”

Sue patted her on the shoulder. “I get it. Just remember, there’s people here who care about you, okay? Now, come on, let’s go inside. You can sit with us for the meeting.”

Analia found herself blinking back tears. Balance, but she had missed Sue’s motherly ways.

Sue steered Analia up the steps and towards one of the front rows, pausing every few steps to exchange a quick hello with someone. And as they walked, Analia could hear the trail of babble they left in their wake. Nobody had openly commented on Analia’s presence, but she knew they were all wondering what had prompted their prodigal child to return.

She realized she didn’t even know what the others thought of what Verona had done. She wondered if any of them agreed with Verona. Most people focused more on bringing their own life into balance, rather than policing others’.

“Sue,” she said after they sat down. “I’ve been thinking a lot lately, with what’s been happening over the last few months, about Justice and things like that.”

“I’m sure you would,” prompted Sue. “It’s only natural.”

“And I’ve been wondering, is absolute Justice really – “

But at those words an expecting mother, who happened to be walking by, was seized by a sudden remembrance and said “Oh, Sue, did I tell you – I can’t make it to the cookout…”

And they were off. Analia sighed inwardly. Sue was wonderful, but she was friends with so many people it was hard to have a coherent conversation in public. Everyone interrupted willy-nilly, and Sue just went with the flow. Sometimes Analia thought Sue didn’t even realize that she hadn’t finished the other conversations.

It turned out to only be a quick exchange, and within a moment Sue had sent the woman on her way and turned back to Analia. “What were you saying, dear?” she asked.

Analia hesitated, but everybody was settling down into their seats now, and Teacher Egrand was already up at the stand. “I’ll tell you later,” she said.

In many ways, the meeting was exactly the same as all the others she had ever attended. Teacher Egrand had been the teacher for six or seven years now, and Analia was very familiar with his style. Today was no exception. A passionate speaker, he often left the podium and walked back and forth across the room, and his hands always seemed to be in motion as he spoke.

Today’s lesson was taken from the same section she had been reading last night, a coincidence she found inspiring. It was nice to see that someone appreciated the same sections she did. But as the lesson moved on, it took a different turn.

“The reason we are all here, in this room, today, is to overcome our weaknesses and bring our lives into balance,” Egrand said. “We know that. And for the most part, it is something each of us has to work on for ourselves. But what about those who cannot help themselves? The poor, the ill, those for whom the system does not work, who struggle to survive day-to-day.

“We all want to Ascend. But I think that sometimes, we make excuses when it comes to others. We look at them and think their trials don’t matter, that in their next life they will have a better hand. After all, we reason, they have infinite chances, just like us.”

“But that is resoundingly unfair to each of those individuals, and allowing their disadvantages remain would make the very foundation of Balance on which we stand ring hollow. How can we, as individuals, proclaim to be seeking Balance, but allow injustice in society to continue?”

Analia frowned. She had never thought of it that way. He did have a point, but this was all sounding uncomfortably political. She knew from experience that in politics, “injustice” could mean everything from flat-out slavery to not getting as many tax deductions as your neighbor. It all depended on what he termed “injustice.”

As Egrand went on, Analia became more and more uncomfortable. The whole speech was a call to action, but what if you didn’t want to become a crusader?

She looked around at the audience, wanting to gauge the mood of the room. They didn’t seem particularly concerned, strangely. Several of the teenagers at the front seemed to hang on to Egrand’s every word, and a few people her age looked interested, but the rest looked no more or less interested than they did every week.

Then Analia looked at Sue. The older woman stared at Egrand, lips pressed together, the lines around her eyes strained with worry. Leaning over to her, Analia whispered, “Is this a normal topic these days?”

Sue nodded, eyes still tracking Egrand as he gestured emphatically. “It’s just been in the last month or so. It started in the Wondsday discussions, but now…”

“It’s… strange, isn’t it?” said Analia, relieved that someone seemed to share her concerns. “I’ve always thought of Balance as something personal, you know?”

“So do I,” said Sue. “But maybe it’s time for someone to do something. Nirvana knows, some things need changing. I’m no more a fan of the Hundred World’s new colony sanctions than the next person. And factory Shapers have never been paid enough.”

“But that’s politics,” Analia argued. “That’s so much more complicated. You can’t apply Nirvana’s Law to politics!”

Too late, Analia realized that she was talking far louder than she should have been. Egrand had fallen silent at exactly the wrong moment, and now every pair of eyes in the room was on her.

Egrand looked disgruntled at having his perfect speech disrupted, but the emotion slid off his face as quickly as it appeared. “It seems we have a skeptic, ladies and gentlemen. But that’s perfectly fine – questions are encouraged! Now, what makes you say that?”

“Well,” Analia stammered, feeling heat creep into her cheeks, “well, it seems to me that Nirvana’s Law is for us personally. If you applied it to politics and government – it seems like you want to force people to be balanced, instead of letting them work it out for themselves.”

“A valid concern,” Egrand nodded, “but ultimately unfounded. Nirvana’s Law is perfect and transcendent. It’s true that, in order to Ascend, Balance must be a choice we willingly make. But we all follow laws we find inconvenient, don’t we? Laws that we don’t quite understand the reason for? It doesn’t matter if everyone understands that this is the path. But it will make life easier for all of us if they follow it anyway.”

Analia still couldn’t understand how this would work. Most of what was in the Yirvnah just didn’t seem to translate to government and political changes. Half of it was poetic advice on how to manage your time, for balance’s sake! “But what exactly would you change? It’s not like we can overthrow the Hundred Worlds at will! And what would a “balanced” government even look like?”

Something flashed in Egrands eyes that looked remarkably like anger. It was soon tempered, though, and his voice adopted a soothing tone that made Analia want to strangle him. “You’ve blown this way out of proportion, Analia. You weren’t here when I introduced the topic. I’m not saying we should overthrow the Hundred Worlds, simply that we should campaign for change in some areas. Does that make more sense?”

There was no point in continuing this. Egrand was making her look more stupid by the minute. She couldn’t help but admire they skill with which he neutralized her concerns. The rest of the audience, at first intrigued by the change in routine, was rapidly writing her misgivings off, though nothing he had said convinced her.

Analia sighed. “You’re right, that does make more sense. Sorry, I didn’t mean...”

“No, no, it’s quite all right,” Egrand said, and this time he sounded sincere. Analia supposed he was congratulating himself on having won her over, and, by extent, assuaged any concerns the others might have.

He returned to the podium. “We’re running a bit low on time, so just to sum up…”

After the meeting, Analia sat there, tuning Sue out as the older woman discussed Shaping patterns with one of her friends. Of all things she had thought would happen today, Analia hadn’t expected this. She had expected to come here to get council on Justice, but now an entirely new set of problems was presented to her. According to Egrand, this new set of ideas came from directly from the board of Seers, those who were said to have attained Balance already but chosen to be reborn again to lead Nirvana’s people. Why in the galaxy would they turn political like this?

/What do - / was as far as Analia got before her thoughts hit the wall and she remembered she was alone.

“Lia….Lia,” Sue was trying to get her attention. Analia mentally shook herself, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. She looked at Sue.

Some of her emotion must have shown on her face, because Sue put her arm around her and said “Are you busy tonight?”

Analia shook her head. She had wanted to get some studying done, but she didn’t think she would be able to concentrate.

“Then why don’t you come home with me?” Sue offered. “You shouldn’t have to be home alone today. Come on, I’ll fix you dinner, and we can talk.”