Our Quest

Hello there! I’m here to leave a review of your work. Thank you for posting, now let’s get into it!

Before I even began to read your poem, I thought to myself, “this poem may have rhyme in it” from the structure and even line length throughout the entirety of the poem. And I was right! The consistent rhyme was really nice to read and done well in a way that didn’t seem forced (like my own rhyming can lol).

The story of the poem from beginning to end is really enjoyable, as if I can picture these two (or more) people on this fun, insane adventure that features battles and treasure.

Normally, I would find a critique within the repetition of words that can somewhat be seen as redundant. However, to me, in this poem, the repetition of the words “through”, “or”, “we’ll”, and “some” do not get in the way of the integrity of the poem.

I also want to add that I think it was smart to not include punctuation in the poem. Sometimes I struggle knowing whether punctuation will strengthen a poem or weaken it, but with a poem like this so heavy on rhyme and reliant on flow, the lack of punctuation is actually a strength in this poem!

The even line and stanza lengths are pleasing to the eyes at first glance of the poem and give the poem a polished look, which perfectly ties into the polished rhyme and narrative of the poem.

Overall, Lunar, this was a very pleasant read from the beginning to the end, the rhyme was nice, the story was enjoyable, and the structure felt clean and well put-together.

Keep writing and I hope to read more work from you!
- Fleur

Hi there! Lim here with a modified YWS critique sandwich for you

General Impressions and Interpretation

I interpreted this poem as being a playful and upbeat take on the fantasy genre. The rhythm and rhymes have a mostly cheerful sound to them, and the speaker/narrator gives a mention to a wide array of events that the questers may encounter along the way, such as finding gold or amusement. The setting descriptions in the second stanza sound a little more serious, with the images of “barren” land and “fast sinking” sand, but overall the sense is that the questers can overcome the dangers of various terrains and are mostly focused on the excitement.

Something I liked

I like that you didn’t stick too strictly to a particular meter or number of syllables per line. It flows well and it sounds more conversational, which works for this piece. I like how you played with the sounds, for instance in the second stanza, “beaten path” and “barren land” have the same number of syllables, while “overgrown forest” and “fast sinking sand” also have the same number of syllables, so even though the four lines in that stanza are of different lengths, there is a rhythm there which is enjoyable to read aloud. “beaten/barren” also has a nice bit of alliteration.

A suggestion

Something I think could be good for a poem about fantasy adventures would be to add more description. Towards the end of the poem, I kind of wanted to see more sensory imagery of what the magick, dragons and monsters were like. Are there dusty old spellbooks? Do the dragons have spiraling horns or a barbed tail? Adding more detail could make the poem more immersive, I think, and fit with the fantasy theme.

Something else I liked and concluding thoughts

I enjoyed the pace of the poem and how the last stanza wrapped things up. I didn’t feel like there was anything to cut out or edit down, and each stanza felt like it represented a different part of the quest, so it didn’t feel like it was dragging things out.

As for the suggestion about descriptions, I think it would be cool to balance having more imagery with maintaining the conciseness of your writing, such as finding a way to specify “dragon” or “monster” without having to add a ton of new lines to the verse, as the length of the poem as a whole does feel right as it is. I’d be happy to be a sounding board for ideas if you ever want to revise that aspect of the poem.

Overall though, I think the structure of the poem is solid and fitting for an upbeat RPG-esque fantasy adventure.


Keep writing!
-Lim

Hello, I’m Ellen and I’m so excited to review your wonderful work!

First Readthrough & Impressions
I love this poem! It’s so fun and fantastical. It reminds me of playing Dungeons and Dragons, and also of the song from the musical Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief, Killer Quest. You should check it out if you have time!

Second Readthrough & Feedback

we shall travel…

Some battles and fights…

Perhaps some magick
we'll find on our way

Or drinks and amusement
to get through the day

Or dragon we'll slay
or monster we'll maim

Thanks,
Ellen