Dirt Nap

Hello Hello, I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick review. I will say I cant find much to give feedback on so it might be a little short. Please do not take that as a lack of interest this is a good little piece. Now onto the review or at least the bits I want to complement in this case.

I want to start by saying for such a short piece the energy you create in this is wonderful. Even though I am not a person with a natural sense of rhythm I loved the scheme you used in this. It feels like a mix between a children's song ( Not in a bad way more in the way it has a catchy but simple scheme) and a folk song.

Furthermore, the imagery although not flowery is beautiful and evokes such a sense of calm. It feels oddly spiritual in a way that I cant quite place however I deeply enjoy the picture you painted. It reminds me of summer and nature spirits like nymphs it is stunning.

As always keep writing and drink water!

Hi! First of all, I really like that the entire poem has perfect rhymes. The overall poem gave me the feeling of satisfaction and carefreeness. You’ve used the aspects of nature which we don’t often look on as positive (like, moss, dirt, snakes, spiders) as the very things which make the narrator feel a peace. I feel like that represents finding lessons from the hardships we face. You use its opposite too,

“I saw the stars
with all of their lies”

Here, the difference between reality and appearances is being explored. It makes the reader speculate if the happiness they know are real, or is it going to turn on them?
The most interesting part for me was,

“And with every moment
the earth rose up around me
The moss and the dirt
working to ground me”

The phrase “the earth rose up around me” doesn’t feel welcoming, it feels like a threat but you later explain “the moss and the dirt /working to ground me” so is the main point that you’re trying to make that things we often dislike can be good for us? Also, when you say “the earth rose up around me” it kind of feels suicidal, I don’t know, but earth covers us and envelops us when we’re in our grave right? Was that what you were implying or did I misunderstand it?
Anyways, that was my favourite stanza.
The final stanza,

“And when I awoke
I hadn't a care
There were snakes in my bed
and spiders in my hair”

I think when something is in your bed or hair, it’s in your personal space right? It’s very close to you. So when the narrator has these normally unwanted companions so close to them, it feels like they are embracing the difficulties and hardships. The ending really makes an impression.
Another thing I want to mention is that in the first stanza, you say “moss floor” a writer could have said “moss bed” and implied that the moss was soft and it gave them shelter but here, that softness isn’t implied. Use of that word really sets up the mood for the rest of the poem. Also, it’s very interesting that by the end you say “snakes in my bed” instead of on the floor with you. Is that on purpose or am I reading too much into it?
I hope you find my thoughts helpful. Good luck writing!

Hi! This is Coffee and I’m here to drop a review for your amazing piece of work!
Firstly, I love how concise and detailed it is yet it’s not pages and pages like I write, haha. It sort of reminds me of a wonderful book I read ages ago by Michael Morpurgo, I love many of his books and Running Wild was my favourite, I read it in one night. The boy gets stranded in the jungle with an elephant and many nights he just sleeps on the forest floor or in the trees with his faithful companion. It’s a touching story and I highly recommend by the way. Now, sorry I strayed so much but I’ll start now!
As I said, it reminds me of the book and how I immediately picture a frail boy lying on fresh moss on the forest floor with sounds of monkeys screeching above and the gentle shade of the huge, cascading trees above him and the gentle breathing of his elephant. My imagination runs wild and I love this piece even more because of that. The funny thing is that the book mentions the birds having secrets too(or I might be confusing that with another book) and I reckon it’s probably true. They do have their own language beyond human knowledge and that’s why birds flying away in huge groups randomly is considered a rather ominous sign. Happens in every horror movie.
As the piece progresses, I don’t know if it’s just me, but I sense an ominous feeling like something not so peaceful is looming over the character. Especially the third verse, it feels like the ground would just swallow them and they would see darkness forever.
And they would be gone, just like that-leaving the forest just as it was before.
Then, it feels like the character just woke up from a dream/nightmare and they woke up stronger or just warier.
Have a good day/night!! Tysm for reading<3