I fell asleep at the wheel
I was driving way too fast
I forgot to put my seatbelt on
It wasn't there when I crashed
The headlights screamed
The brakes were locked
And the last thing I remember
I closed my eyes and saw your face
That one night in September
I woke up in some cloudy place
White walls, florescent ceiling
I laid there alone for a while
No one came to see me
Then from the door, robed in white
They asked how I was feeling
And said I'd be transferred downstairs
Before the day hits evening
I don't see your face anymore
When I close my eyes
I can't recall the sound of your voice
Or the color of your eyes
All I know is that I used to love you once
Before the crash
Before I fell
Before winter came and went
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140,071 Literary Works • 672,990 Reviews
This is a deeply moving and poignant piece of writing. It tells a story of love, loss, and recovery, all woven together with a sense of melancholy and introspection. The narrative is vivid, with the use of sensory language effectively conveying the emotions and experiences of the protagonist. The transition from a tragic accident to the sterile environment of a hospital, and finally to the emotional aftermath, is handled with a delicate touch. The recurring theme of memory and its loss adds a layer of complexity to the narrative. Overall, this piece is a compelling exploration of human resilience in the face of adversity. It’s a testament to the power of storytelling and the enduring impact of personal experiences. Well done!
This is so good I love how long it is. It is amazing. how long did you spend on this? I think that this is so cool.
Thanks so much! Hard to say how long this took. I wrote it at work in my head and had to repeat it over and over until I had a chance to write it down like an hour or so later. This gave me some time to make mental edits until I was happy with the wording and flow.
Hello there, welcome to YWS! I hope you like the stuff we write here and you can find a nice, cosy seat in the bonfire of creativity.
I feel like this poem is either a metaphor for losing a loved one or just a story that came off the top of your mind, or a real incident (in that case, I hope you are alright) - either way, I like it. The narrator crashed in September, went into a coma, and woke up after winter in a hospital bed. The narrator's beloved was with them when they crashed, but it seems to be implied that they didn't survive the crash.
It's interesting to imagine "screaming headlights" as you approach the crash. In the line "The breaks were locked", it should be "brakes" instead of "breaks". It happens to the best of us.
In the lines "I laid there alone for a while/No one came to see me", I would like to imagine that the narrator expected their loved one to come see them, and seems to be disappointed when it was a doctor (or a nurse?) who came to ask about their health.
The last stanza brings forward the tragedy of the poem, the narrator doesn't remember anything about their beloved (who is supposedly dead) due to the coma, but they just remember that they loved them.
I am not an avant-garde of literature, but I feel like this stabs at the bottom of the reader's heart and makes them relate to the narrator by remembering their regrets. Also, as a moral, it tells them not to drive when one is sleepy or stressed. The poem overall, although not having a rhyming pattern, has a nice cadence to it. I hope my interpretation of the poem is accurate enough.
TL;DR: I loved this poem.
P.S.: I don't exactly understand the indentation of every stanza, any particular reason?
Thank you so much! Yeah, I think you pretty much got the literal interpretation. The ending is supposed to be somewhat ambiguous on if the narrator is in a hospital or an 'after life' type situation. The other interpretation of this is kind of an extended metaphor for mental health issues. Seasonal depression or depressive episodes of cyclical mood disorders can sometimes feel sudden and life altering, potentially leading one to make poor decisions that can push away loved ones.
(The indentation is literally just because I could not figure out how to format it in regular stanzas... I am very new here and still figuring it all out)
Ah, I get it now.