The peace I feel
is disrupted by noise
of construction
and traffic
and 21st century toys
In the beauty of nature
I always find trash
litter
and garbage
and cigarette ash
Wherever I go
however remote
in a forest
a beach
or even a boat
The evidence of humans
I cannot escape
We've tainted
all nature
every landscape
Yet still I search
desperate to find
some piece of this earth
not yet ruined
by mankind
I have faith you see
though misguided perhaps
that nature's return
will flourish
at humanity's collapse
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Hai :3
This is such a quietly powerful and deeply resonant poem!! The way it captures both the desperation and the inevitability of human destruction is so well done, and I love how real everything is. It reads almost like an elegy for nature, mourning what’s been lost while still clinging to this sliver of hope. Though, it’s a hope that comes at a cost!! That is painfully realistic, especially for today. It can be scary to consider that the planet we live on is suffering because of our actions...
I love how you start with noise ~~ Construction, traffic, modern distractions, etc. Then slowly shift into something more visual, more physical. It’s such a natural (and painful) progression: first, the sound of humanity, then the visible evidence of our presence, and finally, the inescapable truth that there is no untouched place left. I adore that!! It doesn't stray away from the genuine, real-life connection of the narrative, and I think that makes this hit even harder.
^^^ Maybe you could describe a specific instance of human presence that feels especially jarring? Something that really clashes against nature’s beauty. Construction and traffic are annoying, so it makes sense that they are in the first stanza, but I imagine you could raise the stakes earlier as well. Pollution and the disrespect of Earth doesn't just halt for anyone, so why make it easier to stomach?
This, for example!! The way you list these peaceful places (forests / beaches / boats) only makes it worse ~~ Like, it creates this inevitable worry that humans have invaded everything. Though, maybe you could contrast the artificial with the natural more? I can't immediately place why these locations are significant to the narrative, even if I understand what you want them to symbolize.
YES. I love this ending !!!
This is such a haunting and perfect ending for this poem. The acknowledgment that hope exists only in the absence of people is chilling!! There’s something deeply unsettling yet undeniably true about it. The slight doubt in “though misguided perhaps” adds so much complexity, too; does the narrator want to believe in this? Do they fear that it won’t happen? Or are they just accepting that, in the grand scheme of things, we are temporary and nature is not? It leaves so much to sit with, which is exactly what a strong ending should do!!
The message is clear, the tone is mournful but not overly sentimental, and that ending sticks in your brain. It feels like a quiet rage, a final plea, and an acceptance all at once. That's so human! to me!! Amazing work!! ^_^
- Payton
Hey there, friend! First of all, I really liked the formatting of the first two stanzas and how you used the double 'and' at the end. Right from the start, I get the feeling that you are observing something and watching life as it goes by. But as we go further, I start to get this yearning feeling for things to be better.
I like how you don't use punctuation. The lines feel like they are not connected, but they also are, and it feels unique to me. I loved the phrase 'the evidence of humans' because it almost adds this feeling of separation from what you are, because you are also a human.
This stanza felt different because it was the ending, but it was also spoken directly to a person. Is this a specific person or the reader? Perhaps you want us to take the time to look around at the world and how our actions are contributing to this 'collapse'. It felt very broad in my opinion, but that is also part of what made it engaging because I was trying to piece together my own narrative. The language in this poem was simple, which I enjoyed because it matched the message and format. At the same time, I think the simplicity hides a lot of deep truths that are very important, so great work, friend. Overall, I enjoyed this. I would love more vivid descriptions- what does the cigarette smoke make you feel and what does it smell like exactly? Although I do love the style you used so awesome work and I hope to read more of your poetry soon
Your friend,
Ellie