Sunday morning waking up, laying next to you If I feel like praying, your bed can be my pew Why would I leave heaven Just to go to church To seek salvation elsewhere Would be a hopeless search Your heartbeat is holy Your breath touches my soul I'd sing you praises every day It's you that makes me whole No god can compare To your beauty and your light No stars, not even the sun Could ever shine as bright
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139,012 Literary Works • 672,397 Reviews
Hey there! Ellie here to leave a quick review for this. The name and topic stood out to me right away and I am sure that a lot of others can relate as well
Leaving a religion can be really hard and in this part of the poem, you share that feeling of waking up on Sunday morning. That question of :why would I leave heaven to go to church" is really interesting. I can imagine from these words, that you have had horrible church experiences. I can really see how you have found yourself more from not attending a church. You use great describing words here, with things like "hopeless search". A lot of these are words that would often be used to describe those who don't go to church by those who do. I love how you play with this idea and really state how happiness doesn't need to come from a building. I am so happy you have this happiness.
In the second stanza, we see that you are describing another person, maybe the way you would have described god at another Tim in your life. I wonder who this is? Maybe someone you were never allowed to love before. And in the third stanza, you speak of this person again, with incredible fondness. I am so happy that you love someone this much. This was a very quick, but beautiful poem. I wish you the best of this continuous journey of discovering what brings you joy and deciding how to live life. Overall, lovely poem
Your friend,
Ellie
Hello, although short you manage to pack a lot into this poem. It feels somewhere between Maddy Buckly's Wine and Wheat and Hoizers Take Me To Church. I wonder if those were things you pulled on while writing if not you should check both out. However, I will warn you that Wine and Wheat does deal with religious trauma so be careful ( it is a very good song still and seems something you might enjoy.)
As for feedback I only have a few more personal/nitpicky opinions. First off I understand this is just your musings but If you want to push this further, perhaps add small moments in between whoever's POV it is meant to be in and whoever they are talking about. It doesn't have to be much anything from lazy Sundays or quiet moments could elevate the sense of intimacy I get from a few lines.
Secondly, I feel the subject of this poem could lead to some very impactful metaphors using known in at least Christian lore/ beliefs forgive if that is not your former beliefs that is just what comes to mind. Due to the use of stars, I could see Lucifer (an angel that fell from heaven due to pride seen as a monster but later was humanized.) could be used to explore how many queer people are dehumanized and shunned despite being human.
Again I do not know your back story and I will deeply aploizge If I have offended or hurt you that was not my intentions. These are just my my thoughts from your well written work.
Keep going your words matter.
As an ex-religious queer myself... wow! I like the rhyming pattern, it really makes the poem flow nicely, and it isn't overly wordy or complicated either.