Young Writers Society

Lumos, It's me again!

The King's Curse is one of my favourite reads. It reminds me of this one movie. I miss watching, going to rewatch it soon.

So, I love how this is a very simple short story about the legacy of a King. A legend, from ashes he rose and shone brighter than the sun as the hope of people. L.O.V.E it! It brought me goosebumps and I actually imagine his olive skinned, black wavy sweaty hair with a constant scowl on his face. The screams and roars of the battle. Like a trailer playing in my mind, with Hans Zimmer as backgroud music.

But, just one problem.

His death.
He suddenly just died??? In his tomb?? WHY? HOW? WHEN?
WHY- did his death signified that "curse". A betrayal that promised of a revenge?
HOW- He's a legendary king, what could kill him? GOT quote "Heroes dies like fools, and a fool dies like a hero".
WHEN? When he just announces king? When he's old with a promised heir to the throne? or his other child killed him in his sleep? or ......??

A young man to his tomb would indicate that he has no heir to name King...

I NEED ANSWER TO THIS UNJUST DEATH OF THIS CHARISMATIC KING.

Till then,

~Wendy

H there. I know this was posted a while ago, but I'd like to review it anyway.
This was a very unique and interesting piece of work. Usually tales of kings and their kingdoms are written in 3rd person, so hearing it form the perspective of the kings was interesting. The king's character matches up well to the brave heroic warriors from legends and the bloodthirsty rulers in the history books, which I liked.

Now we've discussed the positive aspects of the story, here are a few suggestions and improvements from me. First of all, the changing of tense was a bit confusing, though I can understand why you did it. It made the story hard to follow. Also, we started on a throne, had a flashback in the middle, and ended in a tomb? It seemed something was missing.

Overall, this was a great concept for a future story, which from the looks of it is what you were going for. Maybe next time you could toy with kings that don't fit the pattern or the individual traits that determine whether the king is successful or not. Keep up the good work!
Ebony.

This is incredible! I enjoy how you looped the story around and showed how the cycle would start again. I also enjoyed the perspective you chose to write this from. It's interesting t see into the the mind of a King who may not really be proud of what he's done but still sticks to his duty. It showed an interesting character conflict. The pacing of this was also nicely done. It didn't feel rushed but it didn't waste time rambling on. It's bittersweet to read and I loved every word of it!

Hello again, Lumos, PastelSlushie here for a review. Let's get right into it!

One thing I would suggest for improvement in this piece is to make it longer and a bit more detailed in more places. While I do like how you put a lot of detail in what the king did while he was in rule, I would like to see more detail in how he died, or how he became king. The length of this is a little bit too short for my liking, it may be a short story but it is a bit too short for the normal length of a short.

The point of view from the king is a tiny bit awkward. I haven't read anything in the point of view of a dead man, so when I reached the end it left me confused for a bit. I myself didn't know what was happening so I re-read it a couple times before I understood it. To me, when you introduced the dead kind at the end, it was introduced very clearly. I suggest the king's death be included in there somewhere.

Overall, this was a dramatic short, a little too short, sadly, story. The high detail with what he did as king is a little contrasting to the rest of the piece, as it doesn't have as much detail. The whole story in it's whole reminds me of a trailer or a teaser of some sort, which is something I can appreciate.

Feel free to send me a message if you have any questions or disagree with anything in my review. Best of luck in your future pieces.

Pastel

Hey there! MJ stopping by for a short review.

I watched as their blood pooled around them, mixing with the fallencorpses.

I doused the fires of our enemy, leaving a wake of rubble and dust.

Do not disturb me, unrest me