You have never felt the cool breeze
as your moonlit walk slowly ends?
You have never splashed in salt water
with all of your summer friends?
You have never met your summer love
and had no courage to ask his name?
You have never thrown wet sand
to people who do just the same?
You have never laid out
in the heat of the setting sun?
If you have never done any of this,
you are missing all the summer fun.
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
This is a really sweet little poem. The rhyme and rhythm were simple but effective and basically, I found it quite enjoyable.
Nice! The flow was good. I'm only 10, but I do read poetry. it sound like something I've read before in school from a good book, so, you must be pretty good. I agree with
JFW1415. But it's fine the way it is.
This is cute...
The rhyme scheme is very simple, stuff everyone could think up. The poem is also very simple, but there is something about it that still works. (I think it is the cuteness factor.)
I liked your stanza about the sun, it reminded me of what could make this better.
The beginning of your poem is about all the things done at a beach, etcetera. Use better words, descriptions, etc. Make us feel the beach, thing we are at the beach. Use metaphors, present the beach to us, put us on it, and tell us about it. If I could feel like I was at the beach, this would work so much better.
It's just very...simplistic to me. So it isn't the best poem I've ever read, but it doesn't fail entirely. (The cuteness factor actually works for once!)
Best of luck.
Aw, that's such a cute poem! This is just me, but maybe I'd switch around the third and fourth stanzas, just because of the 'summer's at the end of the second and beginning of the third are kind of... repetitive. But it's cool the way it is too.
I liked it. I want to go to the beach now.
The only thing I would suggest is to say 'who do just the same' instead of 'who just do the same.' But that's just me.
~JFW1415