Young Writers Society

Wow. That was really cool
I liked it.
I found it a little hard to follow at times.
Still fantastic.

Wow. That was really cool
I liked it.
I found it a little hard to follow at times.
Still fantastic.

Some pointers, poems don't have to rhyme, nor do they have to have a set rhythm. There's a style called free verse where it has neither rhyme nor meter (rhythm). Your rhyming here actually isn't that bad. (Better than mine, I suck.) But you metering seems so forced. And you cut it so short. Overall you need to add more for us to "see." Imagery is a very powerful tool, though somewhat tricky to master. Try to see if you can get this as a stand-alone poem instead of having to say, "You have to read Twilight to get it." That way you'll get more audience. Keep writing though! This has potential!

~Yoyo

Awesome! I know about Twilight, but, don't read it.
I guess it follows the story...?
Anyway, I like your ryming. Good job.

-- M.B.Author

w00t!! goooo Twilight!! Go Edward!!!

its very nice...but....(there's always a but...)

the line:

I tried to hide
behind a curtain of hair
so I couldn't see

its longer than the other two, which throws the rhythm off...you might need to work on that. i won't tell you; its better if you learn yourself...

but otherwise, keep up the good work!!

Very nice!
It's about the Twilight trilogy, right?
I've read those books. They rock!

The only thing that bothered me was that in places it sounded a bit stiff. Here's an example:

Lucky_Duck wrote:But because my blood
called to him
just like a love song

Lucky_Duck wrote:He was dangerous
not just because
he was super strong