Young Writers Society

It was good. But the title, is it suppossed to be "Unknown"? Or did you not have a title for it? Oh, well! Keep up the good work!

-- M.B.Author

Hey LD! I've always loved reading your poems! This one was good too! I like how you describe things and how you take a verb or something and make the poem out of it! now that's a talent! Great Job! looking forward to more!

Euclid's convered content, so I'll focus on format.

This seems rather broken-up. One word lines are like potent spices; they can pack a puch but should be used in short-supply.

Regarding the rest-- Your opening line should draw in more, and your punctuation seems to be distributed liberally and incorrectly.

But yes, continue reading, and it'll help your writing.

~Ed

size doesn't matter, it's how you use it.
Dumb jokes aside: small poetry can be very nice, but it has to be condensed. You need to pack a lot into small poetry for it to work - which doesn't mean that it must be general/vague/abstract, but that every word must count. (Even though that's the case for all poetry, it matters more the shorter you go -- if your poem only has twenty or thirty words, wasting one can have a big impact)

This is very abstract. When writing about abstract things like hate and love [which are very different for every person, so in of themselves "hate" and "love" are words with little descriptive power] it should be done in terms of the concrete. Metaphor + imagery are incredibly important.

Read a lot of poems. Look how even the most abstract, emotional subjects are dealt with in terms of comparisons or concrete things - things that can be seen, heard, tasted, touched, smelled etc.

No replies, thats no fun. I'll change that for you.

It was good. I liked the description, but the size was a little to small. other than that, I enjoyed it.