Just Wasting Time

Hello LordGreenleaf. First, I'm confused on what this is about. By what you said "And throw away all those, Chains and restraints.", it made it sound like he/she in in a mental hospital and he/she's trying to escape. One thing I don't get is why would the guards not care, because if it is a mental hospital then he/she was put in there for a reason. Then it made me think when I read "Your as good as dead anyway, To them.", that the guards shot her down when they saw her trying to escape. Plus I would also like to know who he/she is talking to. Their husband/wife, God, or Jesus even? I know it's just a little mundane detail, but I would like to know. Also, when I read this I thought that maybe this could be a love story. And when you say "Your just standing there, Wasting time." I started thinking that maybe he/she wanted to die. I just re-read this and I noticed that you said "Chains and restraints, That pull us down.", now when I read that, the first thing I thought was "Smeagol"(Lord of the rings). So now I get who he/she is talking to. But before I go I have one more question, is the other voice an actual person or a voice in their head? So mysterious and confusing, but I like it! If you thought that I was rude during any of this review, I apologize. Have a good night.

Hey there! Purple here to give you a review! Let's get started.
The number one problem I have with this is the negative vs positive connotation. You say this person is wasting time which sounds negative like they are wasting their life away and then you talk about how much you care about them even though you basically just insulted them. I know you probably meant they are worth more than avoiding life every day and you care about them enough to let them know that, but if this is about lifestyle or their future in general then the back and forth diction isn't a very wise stylistic choice. I like the idea of encouraging someone to get out there and live a little, but you have to understand that it's hard to change someone else's life choices. This especially shows in the isolation in the third stanza
"Do you really think,

They’ll look for you?

Well listen to me now,

You’re as good as dead,

To them."
You are telling this person that you know best and that any one else besides you doesn't care about them. Is that really a message you want to put out there? I'm not trying to be accusatory but that is the kind of thing that obsessive partners tell their significant other if they ever try to leave. It's not just a negative thing to say, but it's implanting the idea into the other person's head that everyone besides you is the enemy.
I'm honestly not a fan of this but I'm looking forward to hear from you.
Have a nice day
~Purple

Hey! BitterRosemary here to give a review! Let's get started!

"Let’s get out of here,

Feel the sun on our faces,

And throw away all those,

Chains and restraints,

That pull us down."

This stanza is a bit cliche, but thatsthe only critcism I have for it.


"Walk right out that door,

It’s only nine steps.

They won’t care,

And they never will."

I think this is a great stanza. It adds depth and a sense of reality to the poem with "nine steps", indicating that there is an actual door not just a metaphorical one.

"Do you really think,

They’ll look for you?

Well listen to me now,

You’re as good as dead,

To them."

This is good by its self. I especially love the "Do you really think they'll look for you?" bit.
Adds a layer of deep-seated hatred for whoever "they" are (i'm assuming society).

"You’re just standing there,

Wasting time.

As time goes by,

I hope you realize,

How much I care.

I hope you realize,

I’d never lie to you."

This is a good stanza, also a bit cliche though. This is a common feeling, so it's easy to connect with, and that it very good.


Overall, I give you a 6 out of 10, simply because the stanzas were seemingly unrelated. They would be a great part of four individual poems. Especially the third and fourth stanzas; they are just so disconnected. The 3rd is angry and bitter, the last happy and in love.

Nevertheless, I did enjoy this poem and hope you never stop writing! I look forward to reviewing more of your works!

BitterRosemary