Resonance Of Tears
Far in the distance, a tear falls.
Its ripples violently slashes the skies,
and allows its sound to break the day.
Such is the power of sadness.
A single flower sways in the wind
as I stand, showered in dawn's light.
Then, a loud cry shatters through the air,
and while it vibrates in my weakened ears,
the flower quickly bows and withers.
I cannot help but stumble.
Why? Why does mankind fall to despair's tricks?
In the infinity of space, the song of sorrow echoes,
but still, I go on, not willing to succumb.
The wish that keeps my feet walking
and the hope that frames my body
is enough to keep me immortal through my journey.
I don't want to see or hear
another tear fall in this world.
And with that oath,
I take a step forward...
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140,230 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
The poem was great! The first stanza was a powerful entrance that drags you in and makes you want to finish. I liked the figurative language with the flowers. My favorite part of the whole poem is
It talks about how small we are, but how are action affect everything around us. What I would work on is your transitions because they made me stumble a few time like this one.
If you read through both lines you will see how the light at end of the end of the first line doesn't flow very well to the then.
I'm not a 100% on this but I think the its needs to be it's because it sounds possessive. Over this was wonderful!
Kay
Hiya!
Wow. This was just stunning. But there is one thing that drags it down:
I stumbled over this line several times. For some reason, I always replaced "slashes" with "shakes."
Another thing about this line is the amount of words that end in s. That's another thing that makes "slashes" so jarring. It's another -s word after one without an s. I find it makes me stumble.
Flow: You've set up a nice mirror pattern for flow here. At first the longer stanza is a bit unusual, but because it's mirrored later on it fits.
You've also set up each line so it takes about the same time to read each one. Everything is slow and gradual; nothing very jarring. You've only slightly broken flow when you want to emphasis something. Nice work!
Questions? PM me.
~Rosey
hi, hi...
what can i say beside fantastic writting?
your writting was properly punctuated, there were a few poetic devices and everything seemed perfect.
well done...
I encourage you to keep on writting and continuing the great work you have started...
someone had mentioned this to me once and i think that it will motivate you.
The moral here is that you got style you have tallent dont waste it make a fortune out of it...
keep up the good work. keep writting