Destination
As I walk through the wide, sweltering desert,
Warm, dry winds whisper into my eyes.
The sun is furious on my back,
Leaving my solemn shadow tailing behind me.
Along my weary voyage, I start to realize,
The bright blue skies above are mere deceptions,
Hiding their grey sorrows behind them.
Bound by laws of sadness,
mankind crumble and fall in tears,
Remnants of everyone’s past feelings.
Life’s road that just used to be only one
Has now split into crossroads and lanes.
And I float in between,
While humanity makes ambiguous jabs at their fate.
The world is full of endless paths,
Built by the frame of dreams, wishes and emotions.
If we can just find and reach the destination,
And turn at least one of those ideals into reality,
Grief will just be a myth in the future.
Now, as I began my journey,
There is no turning back.
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OK, thanks for the advice and reviews, I'll keep them in mind. ^^
Uh dude just so you know: you can't have the sun on your back and a shadow trailing behind you. It's just can't happen. Sorry to start of pointing that out, but I couldn't help it. Otherwise I quite liked your poem. It started off with some nice images and you relate your metaphors well to your intention. You should be careful with your use of metaphor. You first used the metaphor of a desert which created a sense of emptiness and solitude. The second one was the many lanes of life. This created a sense of chaos, many options and intricacies which is effective, both metaphors are very effective, but together they conflict rather than add to each other. You had a wonderful use of diction, but some parts could be improved. So maybe work on this some more and make it flippin' good
Very interesting. I like the metaphorical journey idea, and the way you talked about it as being through a desert. "Solemn shadow" was the best phrase of the poem.
This could be improved by adding some more of those lyrical phrases, and also making this a little more ambigous. The last stanza seemed kind of predictable. It was exactly what the previous verses had lead up to, and there really wasn't much of any interesting language or conclusion.