Last Words Of A Fallen Eve
I was born into this dark world,
a blooming flower in the sun.
But the tide of sin reached me,
and my petals withered and fell.
I tried to reach for the right path,
but the devil's road is still in sight.
Memories reflect my weary self
in a vast, painful mirror.
And I see nothing but a ruined monster
looking back into my eyes.
Is this the very curse that had befallen Eden?
The end of a blissful realm,
and the beginning of mankind's suffering?
But even if my life is just inches away
from Atropos's abhorred shears,
I still want to be by your side,
to see your smiling face again.
I'll remember the good times we had together,
and I shall drift into death's endless sleep
while holding your hand.
Though you will never know
the feelings that I have harboured for you,
at least, I will remain a part of your memories
while you live on.
_________________________________________________________
It was hard deciding a title for this one.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,230 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
Absolutely beautiful! I love your word choice, and good job on using punctuation. I think a general rule in poetry is capitalizing the beginning of each line, but don't hold me to that. Aside from such frivolities, I wouldn't change a thing except where I placed punctuation because I'm me. I would leave "I have harboured" the same. Keep writing!
I can see that you had used great words to express the feeling. Good work.
This first part was really great. It really expressed the how that person was befuddled by his/her sins.
I don't know if 'life is just inches away' will match. Maybe 'death is just inches away'
It should be 'I had harboured'
Well, it was great poem. And I liked it. Your use of metaphors, did it good. Well done. So, fix your mistakes.
Good luck.
OK thanks for the review!
Great job. The review ...
I would change it in But I know the devil`s wrath - gives an extra rhyme and tempo.
I want to be by your side/For your smile to be my guide - again an extra rhyme.
Change them if you want. I hope this helps.