Halo
A lament echoes.
Its waves surge across the walls of my chest,
shading my shadow with a darker hue.
I realize,
it is my own voice crying out,
hands hammering into the barrier of my heart,
wanting to be freed
from a prison of my mind.
The light that glazes above,
seeping into the bars of my cell,
is gradually fading away.
My fingers are twitching, struggling
to reach that bright, glinting beam.
As time passes, hope seems to be drowning my sorrows,
but slowly, I form a rope
out of my cluttered dreams, wishes and memories.
And unexpectedly, I manage to pull myself up.
As the wind strokes my cheek,
I recognize the face of the world.
I finally begin to walk, feet lit ablaze,
leaving behind prints of yesterday.
Determined to learn the purpose of existing,
I am ready to colour any monochrome pieces of life.
The path towards the future is a long way ahead,
but I shall move on, head held high,
eyes reflecting a halo,
burning in that distant sky.
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140,230 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
Thanks for the reviews everyone! (I didn't expect so many. ^^)
This is very great.
As I guess others should have mentioned,
Some parts of the poem flow quite well while others don't.
Overall,I think this is a great poem. Not many mistakes.
Keep writing.
This is very great.
As I guess others should have mentioned,
Some parts of the poem flow quite well while others don't.
Overall,I think this is a great poem. Not many mistakes.
Keep writing.
Wow. Just wow. I loved the ending. It's brilliant. The imagery is fabulous. I agree with fragile heart, you started off the piece like you wanted to end it.
sounds more like an ending to me (btw it'll be a perfect place to put an ellipsis). Hmm come to think of it "A lament echos..." might actually work. A lament echos. Pause. *dramatic effect*. Continue. Still sounds awkward though, it does not fit/flow as well as it should be.
My favorite part.
The only negative aspect of this piece is the flow. Some parts just don't roll off your tongue as nicely. (Depending on how it's said and the amount of breaks/pauses)
Keep writing. You're good. ^^
Hi there!
I really liked this poem. It was an exceptional piece of work you should be accredited for!
I think you should change that to "A lamentation echoes". To me, it seems to fit nicer than just lament. Lament seems almost unfinished.
I think you shold make wishes and memories a new line. It just would break the sentence up a bit better.
Other than that, good job! Keep writing!
- Fragile
I think this is a beautiful poem. The only thing is I think you need to capitalize every line (I don't know if that is a rule or anything) but I mean whatever your choice.
I love how realistic this is, it's as if you are really reaching out for a light, and then you finally reach it.
All in all this is lovely.