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E - Everyone

sorry, sorry, sorry

by Lightsong

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39 Reviews

Points: 99
Reviews: 39

Wed Apr 18, 2018 2:15 pm
ThatGeekyGirl wrote a review...

Ello....Liz here for, what I hope will be a review.

Okay first off I just wanna say that I loved this. The way you set it up was so unique from others. How you italicized the word sorry. And the overall idea of the poem itself. You did a great job.

But, on the other hand about the way that you set up your poem, there is one small problem. The stanzas are right beside each other. And there was a little bit of a mix up with me. Which one goes first???? But after a few seconds I got it. It was fine.

And lastly, I loved this poem. You did fantastic on it. Congratulations, and keep up the good work.

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37 Reviews

Points: 1487
Reviews: 37

Tue Apr 17, 2018 11:47 pm
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manilla says...

how am i supposed to review this ahhh it's so goodddd.

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124 Reviews

Points: 627
Reviews: 124

Mon Apr 16, 2018 3:04 pm
Thisislegacy wrote a review...

Legacy here for a review.

I think this is a very nice poem, but I think with the story you are trying to portray, that it would work better with it being read aloud with different voices for when you branched out to the 2 stanzas side by side. I could see what was going on, but it would be better read aloud like spoken poem (look at Neil Hilborn for ideas. you can find him on youtube, he has fantastic spoken poems).

I love the language you used in this. The only grammar/spelling mistake that I could see was when you used close instead of closed in your last stanza. I hope this was helpful, Keep writing, Legacy out.

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32 Reviews

Points: 1439
Reviews: 32

Mon Apr 16, 2018 1:59 am
MoonFlower says...

Hi there @Lightsong I think that this is realy good but can you trigh to line each of the pleases up in one line so that I no I am reading it is alder, but other then that it is great, keep up with the good work. :D

From @MoonFlower

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22 Reviews

Points: 120
Reviews: 22

Sun Apr 15, 2018 4:32 pm
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WanderlustStardust wrote a review...

Hai!! Berri here for a review! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

I loved the images in this. "...sacrificing herself/in the middle of Father and me, pleading me to stop/spouting toxic..." was just so chilling to read, and my favorite little part in this is, "...I wished/my body was made of plastic and metal/and the switch to shut it down was at my fingertips." That one little sentence means so much to me. It's so relatable, and fragile. (*´▽`*)Love it.

The way you broke up your poem was interesting, but also confusing. I read the section talking about Father first, then Mother, but I think it also works as Father, Mother, Father, Mother, like a back-and-forth interchange. Maybe you can space them out one line below one another? But that's just me. (-。-;

There was only one thing I saw that might be a mistake- "...filling my mind until my eyes were close/under the moon..." I like the fact that it says "close," but it seems like it should be "closed". But otherwise, you did a really nice job with this poem! ヾ(´▽`*)ノ☆

Keep on writing!

Berri out! ╰( ・ ᗜ ・ )╯

If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.
— Lemony Snicket