Others and I ≠ We

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:

Thanks for sharing this very interesting poem which describes how certain people are constantly seeking to boost their ego via insincere displays of friendship, concern, and elaborate physical decorations in order to gain admiration or perhaps envy. I like the way that the poem encourages a selfless attention to helping others instead of focusing on our own aggrandizement. It fits in perfectly with what Jesus said, that there is far more happiness in giving than in receiving.

I also like the tone of the poem since it convincingly expresses deep concern for the reader and all those who might be enslaved by the selfishness described. In short, the advice seems sincere and motivated by the need to help others which is very commendable.


Suggestions

Using the all-inclusive pronoun “we” and "us" strongly implies that everyone behaves that way. Fortunately that is not the case. Some persons might be seeking sincere friendship and not merely a way to gain admiration or praise. So the pronoun “we and üs” seemed unjustified.

Please note that not everyone is very keen on going straight to the mirror as soon as they awaken in the morning. Many, whose faces have undergone the ravages of time, are too scared on what they will find and avoid the mirror as if it were an enemy. So a qualifier such as “most” or , “many of us” would be nice. Also, writing the poem without the use of “we and üs would be an improvement.

There is also a question asked that assumes it impossible for us to find out by asking “How would we know?” Since there are other ways to know, the question is baffling.

others = 4 times

Why could we not [instead] be the ones . . . .

focused eyes - [admiring eyes] Eyes can be focused in many different ways and for many different reasons.

. . . . turn it into a well of an infinite depth.
[ . . . . a bottomless well.]

“How are you?” is a question . . . .

Our first action[,] once we wake in the morning[,]. . . .

Does the mascara []beautify our eyes enough? [The reader knows that the mascara was applied.]

. . . . it can either be emphasized or empty.
[The word “emphasized” is not the one you ware looking for."]

Looking forward to reading more of your work.

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This is amazing!. This is beutiful!.
I can totally understand where you are coming from. We can say that I love you or how are you but we really don't care about the person we are talking to.
I truly believe that (If you don't mind the christianity) God intended for us, to have close deep relashinships with each other and TRUE conversation is one of those keys.
We constantly focus on our problems our faults and where do we put the blame? On others.
I believe we really need to start focusing on others and not ourselves.
Being pretty won't fill that empty void so many in America today are facing.
This beutiful poem perfectly proves that point.
Thanks for writing this!

This is a very interesting poem. It reveals the unconscious human tendency toward narcissism. I like how you frame conversations as a platform for this tendency to both shine and be overcome. I like how you convey your thoughts about conversations in the form of a poem.

Throughout the poem, you often put parts of ideas together into one line when I think they would work better in separate lines. If you find it helpful, I have a few ideas for how you could more effectively split up your thoughts over the lines of the poem.

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"How are you is a question that slides into
each conversation like handshakes, but
like handshakes, it can either be emphasized
or empty."

Since you say that "How are you" is a question, it would be good if you added a question mark so that it become "How are you?".

Right now you are writing everything like it is a complete sentence, but you could also make use of poetic form a little more. For instance, you could write something along the lines of the following:

How are you?
A question that slides
into each conversation
like handshakes,
but like handshakes,
it can either
be emphasized
or empty.

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"The conversation becomes a medium
where we yearn for attention, where
the only voice we recognize as melody
is our own, singing our story."

Here, you have three different parts separated by commas, namely: "The conversation becomes a medium where we yearn for attention," "where the only voice we recognize as melody is our own," "singing our story."

The 'where' at the end of line two seems like it would fit better on a separate line since it is starting a new clause.

The conversation becomes a medium
where we yearn for attention
where we recognize only the melody
of our own voice
singing our own story.

Something like this would be more effective since it uses isocolon with "where we _______ / where we _________" and "_______ our own ________ / _______ our own ________".

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"One can say we prepare our look
for those around us, so we care.
But it comes back to us. 'Does
the mascara we put beautify
out eyes enough? Does our night suit
catch others' attention?' "

Maybe you could write something like:

One can say we prepare our look
for those around us,
so we care.
But it comes back to us.
'Does the mascara we put
beautify our eyes enough?'
'Does our night suit
catch others' attention?'

This separates the lines and clauses more coherently and uses parallel construction across the lines to convey your thoughts.

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This poem was really interesting - these were just some thoughts I had, but definitely don't feel like you need to do anything I said here. It's your work, so you should do what you like!

Look forward to reading more!