As the clock goes tick tock, I convince myself
I am at my best when my word consists of
my thoughts and feelings. I paint the landscape
with the brush of my imagination and wrap
my planet with a bubble of privacy.
I cannot let others enter it because once,
I allow a guy with curiosity hanging at the tip
of his tongue. He observes with naked eyes
before he wears his sunglasses of judgement,
blinded to the rainbow of honesty.
But alas, Adam needs his Eve as much as
I need my man. As much as night follows daylight.
The air in my world is too much for me.
I need to hear a voice not of my own creation,
but of my equal, someone with whom
I want to share my world.
I want a man who understand that my silence
is not my refusal to connect with other worlds.
My bubble of privacy also acts as a dome
of security. I want a man who can help me
discover more colours with which I can beautify
my world.
Above all, I want a man who can be my world
just as I can be his.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,021 Literary Works • 672,740 Reviews
Write a poetry review where you use three different poetic devices to structure your review topics.
Hello there Lightsong! Popping by to give you a review and boot you out of the Green Room.
Metaphors/Similes
There are a couple of interesting ones scattered through this poem. Using a planet to represent the speaker's heart of sorts is a neat idea to bounce off the wall, to later use a more extended metaphor later. I can picture this in a way, of people living as revolving bodies and having a protective bubble as basically an atmosphere.
I think this one for sure paints a neat picture in my head, and I can add on to it as the poem goes on. The next idea of someone coming with his sunglasses and judgement is a curious thing to juxtapose off an "honesty rainbow." Going from the planet image to a person that had previously hurt the speaker.
Structure
I find it interesting that this is arranged as four larger stanzas, with a final fifth one as two lines. I interpret this as saying that the final line is the overall or final reflection by the speaker, after going through all of these different things they want in either a person or just what their own background is.
Allusions
There's really only the Adam and Eve reference I caught, but I do find it an interesting prospect of comparing needs and like aspects of a "perfect" world for the speaker. I think it says a lot of someone wanting an actual, real person. The speaker found a connection with what they found to be right in the world, or kind of necessary for them to be happy.
Repetition/Parallelism
I think the repeated nature of "I want" directly from the speaker themselves is an interesting prospect of someone really knowing what they desire. The reader can definitely feel the sort of desperation that the speaker has, and feel a connection for that emotion alone.
Overall
I think this poem had some nice literary devices scattered through this, and that the message of wanting love and wanting to find someone. Nicely done!
Sophie here to review!
I love this sooooo much! it has such a sad misery feeling. the longing is so strong that I feel it as im reading it and feel like the person in the story. I felt so sad about it until I realized I wasn't this person. it made me feel sad that people have to deal with this. these stanzas are so filled with feeling and instead of imagery its feeling that fills your mind. i don't really see much to change in this because its so good! I love this sooo much so really good job and write on!