Young Writers Society

I didn't look, but did/are you going to post more to this story? I would love a chance to read more. This story caught my eye, and I must say... it is brilliantly written! A things should probably be tweaked, but I care for the story's plot more than any mistakes. I liked it so much! Any stories posted about people following their dreams, or at least planning to, are my favorites! Thank you, I enjoyed your words!

I didn't look, but did/are you going to post more to this story? I would love a chance to read more. This story caught my eye, and I must say... it is brilliantly written! A things should probably be tweaked, but I care for the story's plot more than any mistakes. I liked it so much! Any stories posted about people following their dreams, or at least planning to, are my favorites! Thank you, I enjoyed your words!

Hey, nice story. I noticed a few areas where there were maybe some grammatical errors, or at least spots where it could be tweaked to flow more smoothly, but the story is very interesting. So much potential. Keep it up!

Hi Liberty! I'm here to review your work!
I'm already hooked on this story! Sooo many questions! Which is a good thing!
Overall, this was a very smooth read, and I didn't see any grammar or spelling mistakes, so good job for that!
One thing I was slightly confused about if the "acting thing" Meant she was pretending to like basketball, or she was pretending to do basketball altogether. I'm pretty sure it was the latter, but it confused me a little, so I thought I'd mention it.
Let me know when the next part comes out!
Keep on writing!

Hi liberty! Very intriguing story! I'm impressed with how you managed to grip the readers' attention with the first sentences. I find it hard for me to finish a book after only a chapter- it's the same with TV shows as well. So, this is really well done. I hope to see the second part soon! Keep writing!
-Sheildmaiden

Hi Liberty!

I just wanted to start out by saying wow! I typically am not as easily intrigued by stories without some fantastic creatures or completely different worldly setting. However, you did a wonderful job at setting up the family dynamics to just pull me in.

I loved how you made all the interactions between the characters seem so routine and like it was normal for them. It was obvious how Marisol felt about not only each person in her family, but also with herself and how inauthentic she felt in reality.

The only thing that confused me a little was the note from her brother. This confused me because I was already convinced earlier in the piece that she felt as negatively about her brother as she did about her parents. I think maybe if you presented it as more of a confused standpoint rather than her mind is already made up, that may help with this.

Altogether, this is a great piece! I can't wait to see where the story goes.

Hey Liberty! Happy start of LMS!

I think you’ve done a really good job setting up Marisol’s world - which can be super important in a short story where your time is limited. Marisol’s relationship with her parents (and mother in particular) were strongly conveyed! They clearly have some communication issues, and not to mention her mother appears to be severely restricting Marisol’s freedom.

As this is a short story, I’m not *quite* sure the direction this is going to go. I saw that you said there was only a second part to this - so I’m hoping we have the big conflict + conflict resolution there! So far, I’m guessing the conflict has to do with Marisol and her parents/Marisol’s restriction - or perhaps her grandmother’s painting?

One other thing to keep in mind in a short story is to only include the really important details. For example, if her grandmother is not important to the story (although I have a feeling it may be), it’s really not necessary to include her unless it provides vital information about/for a character.

Robbie seems like a really sweet brother, although perhaps one that has not expressed his love for his sister much at all. Overall, I’m really liking the characterization here. Marisol’s Mother’s emotion are very clearly depicted through her facial expressions, which I totally love!

I hope this helps a bit! I’m really excited to read the second part of this. Let me know when it’s up??

~ EternalRain

Hi there, Liberty! Tuck here for a quick review

I managed to put a smile on my face and look down at my parents, who were sitting on the front seats, smiling up at me.