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They Hate Me, I Love Me (1)

by Liberty


The crowd cheered. "Go Marisol!" I heard someone from the crowd scream.

I walked onto the stage, trembling. "Here you go, Ms. Smith!" said the host of the show.

"Ha, thanks." I managed to croak out. The crowd went silent. You could hear a pin drop. "Um, hi." The microphone made a high pitched noise. I flinched.

"Hello everyone." I whispered into the microphone. "I'm glad I won this competition and I'm glad I'm taking the trophy on behalf of my basketball team. The Wizards." The crowd went wild. I managed to put a smile on my face and look down at my parents who were sitting on the front seats, smiling up at me.

I gave the microphone to the host and walked down the ramp to go back and sit on my seat next to my older brother and a girl from my team.

"Congrats, Mari." Robert said - Robbie for short - plastering a smile on his face. It looked genuine, but I knew it was all a part of the Act. My sitting is a part of the Act too. I can't even sit comfortably outside of the house. I was wearing a tight blouse with a long skirt that went below my feet. I kept on tripping on it. I sighed.

"Thanks." I threw him a fake smile and looked back at the stage.

The host continued talking; saying how wonderful my parents and Robbie are for encouraging me to play basketball. I rolled my eyes at that. I hate basketball. I'm always forced to do this.

- - -

"Robert! My son!" Mother exclaimed as we entered the house. "Your Act was great, my love." She threw her arms around Robbie and squeezed him.

"Mother." he squeaked. "You may be squashing me."

"Oh!" she pulled back. "Sorry, my love." Robbie threw her one of his charming smiles and retreated to his room. Mother and Father looked at me.

"You kept on tripping on your dress, Marisol Smith." Mother huffed. “You also stuttered when you were up on stage.” She looked at me as if she had just drank a whole glass of lemon juice.

I rolled my eyes. “I did my best.”

“Don’t talk to your mother like that!” she exclaimed.

“Whatever.” I groaned and walked away into my room on the second floor.

I looked around. I had a pretty big room. My queen bed was already made. I silently thanked Luna - my maid. I made my way towards my walk in closet and looked through my comfy clothes section. A pastel green off the shoulder sweater and loose jeans caught my eye. I took them both out, squeezed out of my current clothes, slipped on my comfy clothes and flopped onto my bed.

I took out my diary from under my bookshelf and started writing.

Dear Person,

I hope you have a good life. Because mine is horrid. People think I’m a basketball player, I’m a fashionista, I’m a math nerd, etc. But I’m none of those. Yes, my father is the math nerd. Yes, my mother is a fashionista. Yes, my brother is a basketball player.

But I’m none of the above. I like to swim, read, and I like comfy clothes. I hate me right now. I’m going to tell the world who I really am. I’ll be kicked out of this house next week. My 18th birthday is coming close. I’ll finally live in my own apartment, unlike Robbie. He’s twenty one and he still hasn’t found a proper place to live. Mother said that she’ll give me five million bucks. Cash and card. Both. So. Yeah.

Whatever. Luna’s calling me for supper. I best be going or I’ll be grounded from driving. *eye roll* Ha.

Lots of love,

MS

I got of my bed and walked out of my room, shutting the door behind me. “What’s for supper?” I asked Luna, who was dressed in her uniform, waiting for me patiently outside my door.

She smiled, “Roasted chicken. Cook’s special.”

I nodded. Yummy!

I ran down the stairs, only to be stopped by Mother. “How many times have I told you to act like a human and walk gracefully down the stairs?” she yelled, “You’re getting lessons right after supper, child!”

“Shut up.” I muttered, biting on my nails.

Mother looked at me in horror and slapped my hand away from my mouth, “Enough! Dining room. Now!”

“I’m going, Mother.” I grumbled, trudging into the huge hall. I looked at the painting of my grandmother - Viola Gibbins - and smiled. She was a cheery old lady. Always helping out. Not caring for how you look like or what you like to do. She would actually care if you got hurt or broke your leg playing basketball, unlike Mother. The frame of the painting was gold. Pure gold.

“You know, Susen.” Father started, “I’ve been thinking.”

Robbie laughed, “When you think, that means danger!”

Mother flinched, then laughed. Father did too. I sat on my chair, not saying a word.

“Joe, you were saying something.” Mother said, fluttering her eyelashes. “What were you thinking?”

I cut out some chicken from the huge plate in which the chicken was sitting in, and placed it on my plate. I took a bite and closed my eyes, enjoying the taste of the tasty spices.

“Why don’t we take down Viola’s picture and replace it?” Father asked. I snapped my eyes open, and choked on my chicken. No one cared to slap my back to ease my coughing.

“No!” I said, when I had gathered myself. “Why would you do that?”

Robbie sighed, “I think I may actually agree with Mari.”

Did he just call me Mari in the house? He hates calling me that.

Mother shot me a death look. I glared at her. Robbie who was sitting beside me today, held my hand from under the table. I jumped and he stroked it. I looked at him, puzzled. He left my hand and I looked down at it. It was a piece of paper. I looked at him, even more puzzled than before. I opened it up and looked down at it.

I’m sorry for whatever I did. For not supporting you, not standing up for you like a big bro, not loving you, not caring for you. I miss seeing you around. It’s not fun to see your sister locked up in her room. :)

-R

I smiled. But what if this was a trick? It seemed suspicious anyways. I’ll ask him if he can come with me to the mall sometime and I’ll see what he does.

Mother and Father were in a heated conversation about the picture. I sighed. Whatever I say wouldn't make a difference.

Word count: 1121


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68 Reviews


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Thu Oct 03, 2019 11:41 pm
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WinnyWriter says...



Hey, nice story. :) I noticed a few areas where there were maybe some grammatical errors, or at least spots where it could be tweaked to flow more smoothly, but the story is very interesting. So much potential. Keep it up!




Liberty says...


Thanks for the kind words!



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Fri Sep 27, 2019 1:26 am
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Horisun wrote a review...



Hi Liberty! I'm here to review your work!
I'm already hooked on this story! Sooo many questions! Which is a good thing!
Overall, this was a very smooth read, and I didn't see any grammar or spelling mistakes, so good job for that!
One thing I was slightly confused about if the "acting thing" Meant she was pretending to like basketball, or she was pretending to do basketball altogether. I'm pretty sure it was the latter, but it confused me a little, so I thought I'd mention it.
Let me know when the next part comes out!
Keep on writing!




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review!



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Wed Sep 25, 2019 8:59 pm
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shieldmaiden wrote a review...



Hi liberty! Very intriguing story! I'm impressed with how you managed to grip the readers' attention with the first sentences. I find it hard for me to finish a book after only a chapter- it's the same with TV shows as well. So, this is really well done. I hope to see the second part soon! Keep writing!
-Sheildmaiden




Liberty says...


Thanks for the kind words. <3



shieldmaiden says...


All true - by the way - I love your profile pic!!!



Liberty says...


Thank you! :3



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Wed Sep 25, 2019 4:29 am
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mdjones199 wrote a review...



Hi Liberty!

I just wanted to start out by saying wow! I typically am not as easily intrigued by stories without some fantastic creatures or completely different worldly setting. However, you did a wonderful job at setting up the family dynamics to just pull me in.

I loved how you made all the interactions between the characters seem so routine and like it was normal for them. It was obvious how Marisol felt about not only each person in her family, but also with herself and how inauthentic she felt in reality.

The only thing that confused me a little was the note from her brother. This confused me because I was already convinced earlier in the piece that she felt as negatively about her brother as she did about her parents. I think maybe if you presented it as more of a confused standpoint rather than her mind is already made up, that may help with this.

Altogether, this is a great piece! I can't wait to see where the story goes. :)




Liberty says...


Thanks for the review!



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Wed Sep 25, 2019 3:25 am
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EternalRain wrote a review...



Hey Liberty! Happy start of LMS!

I think you’ve done a really good job setting up Marisol’s world - which can be super important in a short story where your time is limited. Marisol’s relationship with her parents (and mother in particular) were strongly conveyed! They clearly have some communication issues, and not to mention her mother appears to be severely restricting Marisol’s freedom.

As this is a short story, I’m not *quite* sure the direction this is going to go. I saw that you said there was only a second part to this - so I’m hoping we have the big conflict + conflict resolution there! So far, I’m guessing the conflict has to do with Marisol and her parents/Marisol’s restriction - or perhaps her grandmother’s painting?

One other thing to keep in mind in a short story is to only include the really important details. For example, if her grandmother is not important to the story (although I have a feeling it may be), it’s really not necessary to include her unless it provides vital information about/for a character.

Robbie seems like a really sweet brother, although perhaps one that has not expressed his love for his sister much at all. Overall, I’m really liking the characterization here. Marisol’s Mother’s emotion are very clearly depicted through her facial expressions, which I totally love!

I hope this helps a bit! I’m really excited to read the second part of this. Let me know when it’s up?? :D

~ EternalRain




Liberty says...


I'll for sure let you know when the next one is up! Thanks for the review. :D



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Wed Sep 25, 2019 1:58 am
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Tuckster wrote a review...



Hi there, Liberty! Tuck here for a quick review :)

I managed to put a smile on my face and look down at my parents, who were sitting on the front seats, smiling up at me.


Overall, I liked the general direction of this story, and it really captivated my attention all the way through! The title caught my eye and made me want to read, and it certainly did not disappoint! However, I found the title to be slightly ironic considering the title. This story seems to be about how everyone loves the main character, but the main character hates the person she had to pretend to be for appearance's sake.

I think you did a great job of crafting a character that was relateable and even likeable, to an extent. Her disrespect to her parents fit perfectly with the angsty character of a girl who hates putting on an act of being graceful, elegant, and poised and wants to just be herself in a family that fights every manifestation of that. I found myself connecting with her and rooting for her to succeed, and that's awesome to see in the first chapter!

However, I did notice that you got a little info-dumpy in some sections. The writer doesn't need to know a lot of details about Mari's room and Mari's grandmother at this moment in time, so I think you could cut those out altogether. They're unnecessary for the moment and detract from the plotline.

The diary scene confused me a little since the point of a diary is writing to your future self, and this was more like a letter. I think retitling that section would reduce the ambiguity there and clear some things up.

Hopefully this review was helpful to you, and if you have any questions, please just let me know and I'd be happy to clear it up! Enjoy the rest of your night!

~Tuckster




Liberty says...


Hey!:) Thanks for the review.

I'll get to editing asap. Also... this isn't a book. Just a short story. XP There's one more part and it's done. I'm posting it next week. ^^




Anything's possible if you've got enough nerve.
— J.K. Rowling