Miranda (Part II)

Gummy's the name, reviewing's my game! Oh, God I hope this reviewing thing doesn't become an addiction! D: Anyway, today I'm going to review Miranda (Part II), by LeoPenrhythm.

This was truly a saddening poem, and you could tell the speaker was falling deeper and deeper into despair with every line written. He had to find his loved one, regardless of the stakes! But as the piece progresses, we find him realizing that his search is getting harder... and harder... and harder still...

Anyway, onto the nitty-gritty of this piece. This poem flows perfectly, right until THAT line. However, if you remove this extra part, which I'm assuming was a typo, from the line, the poem will continue to flow perfectly until the end! So, not counting that little "Oops!", this poem is actually quite soothing to read. Then again, it's only to be expected from a Lyrical poem. Speaking of "to be expected", the grammar is pristine, as always. I also like how the topic never strays from the speaker's mad search for Miranda. The imagery, no pun intended, sent chills down my spine. Quite literally, I could feel the AC in my room get a couple dozen degrees colder... Masterfully done.

I really liked this poem. The typo, if recognized correctly, does not detract at all from the fluidity and the overall feeling it's trying to convey. Anyway, onto my closure. Take care, and I expect to read more from you in the future! Keep writing, and remember, the key is to keep practicing!

Hello DarkHeart here with your review.

The first thing that caught my attention was the feeling of abandonment. He's looking, but she's not there. The person looking for Miranda seems extremely dependent on her in both a delusional and love-sick way. He's not all there, if you know what I mean. His head doesn't appear to be screwed on straight. All these aspects make it a hard poem to relate to, but it doesn't feel like it's even MEANT to be relatable. It's hard to make a completely detached reader put themselves in the place of a completely different character. Good job with that.

The flow was GREAT...until the line where it says MIRANDA (PART II). That just disrupted the rhythm for me. It was remedied afterwards, but I can't help but wonder how much better it would be if the flow just kept on straight through till the end.

What I'm getting from this is that the man made a mistake and he lost his love. When he's weak both physically and mentally, he's still looking for her and she refuses to acknowledge that. Or maybe she doesn't know? And finally, finally, he hears her. Unless it's all in his head.

And oh my oh my, she's dead, isn't she?? And he's just about to join her. That just hit me. I hope I'm right.

Overall, the poem was very good. Easy to read, but takes a bit of thinking and revealing in order to understand what really happened. In my case, at least.

It was a delightful read

Wassup wassup wassup! My name is Ossum and this is your review!

So, I will say that as far as technicalities go, I didn't see anything. The pace in which you set was good and it took the reader at a tempo that kept them interested. Which is also good. What I do think however is that you lost us in the pace you were trying to set. one second we think we understand what your setting is, and the next we feel something different.

I do like the piece, do not get me wrong. I think its elegance lies in its tempo and how it is read. It is brilliant. I only say that at first I thought you were dead. And then I thought you were alive, and then it was trying to discern between what was and what wasn't instead of focusing on what I needed to. Which is the feelings that you were trying to portray through the imagery and word choice. Which were amazingly done, everything was done superbly. I think though in your efforts to make sure your details and pacing and word choice were perfect, you lost your way in finding the balance to where we didn't have to read it more than once to understand.

Making your reader want to read a piece more than once means it was perfect. A reader doing so to understand means though there are perfections that they enjoy, there is something not exactly there yet, and I believe that to be the issue. Again, amazing piece and I do wish you to write more like them. I want to read more.

Later Gator!
- Ossum!